So disappointed.

Your GD doesn't want your gift but doesn't know how to let you down gently, the lovely girl may not want to hurt your feelings. This is the best way to look at this.

I assumed your granddaughter was about eighteen or so and applying to art college. But then you said she was fourteen. Which is very young. Kids are still trying things out at that age. Offering her this art box which meant so much to you, offering to fill it with art materials, writing to her about it, sending her photographs. It’s putting a bit of pressure on her, isn’t it? Perhaps she feels unsure of herself. Not knowing if this is what she really wants. Perhaps she has changed her mind about art. Could it feel like a burden this art box? Could she feel she must be an artist now to please you? Perhaps she’s not sure if she could be a good artist. Or as someone says perhaps the art she is interested in is nothing to do with these sorts of materials. Of course none of this may be true. But I wouldn’t second guess her lack of a reply. Especially if you usually get on well. You are very happy with her interest in art. You want to connect with her over it. But perhaps she would rather not connect with you over this. I would give her some space. Maybe mention it again when you see her.

Chaitriona she has chosen Art to do at GCSE. She is very good. In fact the art teachers contacted DS to ensure she took that choice seriously. Her Dad is a graphic designer . So you can see that art , in all its forms, is important in our family. No pressure was put on her when choosing her GCSE subjects.

Can you text her rather then send a letter and just say it is okay if she doesn't want the box, you just wanted to give her first refusal. As others have pointed out a letter in the post may have gone astray, a text is more likely to get her attention. Don't be disappointed if she says no, young people often want brand new these days rather than a treasured pre-used item.

This was a simple enough question.
A simple yes or no would have sufficed.
Rude of her not to have just said "no thank you".
Not tricky, is it.....

BBevan,
That was such a thoughtful and generous offer. I too would be hurt and I agree that it is poor from her, I’d be disappointed.
However as others have said, I think you only stand to lose, not gain, by pointing any of the above out to her.
If I think back, as an adolescent I failed to do things and very occasionally did things, that I now regret. It didn’t mean I didn’t love the people they probably hurt.
I so hope you pick up your art again, it runs through my family too and I rediscovered it a couple of years ago. If you can’t find classes, there are some amazing online courses and resources.

i don't think we can ascribe rudeness to teeenagers in this way.
they live in a different world.
some of these comments seem to expect them to operate in the same way as people of our age.
also a true gift should be offered/given with no strings, else it's not really a gift. why should we expect thanks for a gift.
not talking about Op, but someone mentioned people in the church getting married, so not close pals presumably.
give a gift/card if it pleases you to do so; if it then annoys you not to get a thank you, perhaps don;t do it in future.
i read once of the eskimo people, when they lived in igloos.
to leave a gift, they crept up unseen and left it outside. the aim was not to be seen/identified, because unless it was anonymous, it incurred a debt, if only of thanks, and so ceased to be a gift.
this was regarded as bad form, though allowances were made for youngsters; so people would pretend they hadn't seen who left it, until they'd got the hang of it.
i found this idea appealing. anything not a pure gift ie anon, was akin to a commercial transaction, and involved some recompense.
this persists in our culture. i hope the bigwigs across the road don't get us anything for xmas, or we'll have to get them something. this all leads to waste of money and materials.

Well said welbeck I think those Inuit people knew a lot about gift giving. I shall keep that in mind

Exactly welbeck it’s a different world and a different means of communicating and we owe it to our grandkids to keep up when I first grew into adulthood I kept my precious stamp collection imaging my grandkids when I got them would love poring over the stamps just like I did Hours and hours of interest and the excitement of finding one I hadn’t got, learning about all the countries (I m still quite good at geography) but I m totally real enough to know they would be in shock if I offered it to any of them just as much as if they gave me a ticket to a rap concert ???
It was a lovely idea but didn’t work see it as your learning curve and give her a voucher to buy her own materials and good luck to your granddaughter in her future career

I should ask her parents if she has received your letter. Either way that should make a point.

One person has said she may not have got the letter. It doesn't have to be ungratitude.

I said up thread , that I know she got the letter. I was at pains in the letter to stress that I would understand if she didn’t want the box or didn’t like it. The issue is that after 3 months she has not mentioned it. That is what hurts.

Can I ask why you sent a letter? To me (but I understand not everyone) that is a very formal way to communicate with your granddaughter. I’m twice your granddaughters age (plus a few ) but maybe your form of communication made it more difficult for her to say no thank you?

Phone call - hey gd got a lovely art box I used when I was your age, it’s yours if you want it but no pressure if not.... “ah no thanks gran we use whatever instead”.

Letter that to a young person is more formal - she wants to say no but then has to write back? Call you? Much easier to put it off due to anxiety about telling no.

Also to add it’s clear she doesn’t want it. Why does it hurt so much that she hasn’t mentioned it? If you went to pains in your letter to express it didn’t Mather if she didn’t want it, maybe she hasn’t thought twice about it?

I think this is a case of you projecting your expectations of how she should communicate on to her when in reality no one else in her life holds her to anything like that. She probably doesn’t realise this is a big deal and being hurt by it, when nothing is meant by it, is unnecessary.

My granddaughter’s last thank you letter came by email! I think that counts. I was actually quite impressed, because she is only eight and one week ?

Can I ask why you sent a letter? To me (but I understand not everyone) that is a very formal way to communicate with your granddaughter

Writing a proper letter is surely not such an anachronism, is it?
I write letters to my GC and sometimes get one back!
It’s well worth the effort

@janeainsworth I do appreciate getting a letter that’s not a bill . But I do think it’s quite a formal means of communication with a family member. Not to say there isn’t place for written correspondence but I think in this case as a response was so clearly important to the op, she set up her granddaughter to fail a bit. I don’t understand why when op has spoken to her granddaughter she hasn’t reminded or prompted her? If you have a good relationship with someone you can talk about things. No need to put the onus on a 14 year old to bring it up especially as she may be nervous to decline the offer hurt her grans feelings.

I write to them all the time, send gifts etc. I did say in the letter that she could reply by phone, text or email if she preferred

Save yourself the disappointment op and just mention it next time you speak to your granddaughter. No need for it to be something that causes you bad feelings. This is just a difference of expectations that’s all. It may be good etiquette for her to have replied but this is your granddaughter, don’t stand on ceremony and give her the benefit of the doubt if she’s usually a good mannered girl.

I understand how it feels when kind interest is unintentionally rebuffed. It can really hurt.
I think it's more likely than not what Starblaze said.
I bet she remembers your kindness when she is older.