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please tell me to get a grip

(46 Posts)
joanna12 Sat 26-Sep-20 19:10:11

Hello.I am sat here feeling sorry for myself which happens a lot at the moment like a lot of people.This week seems to have got on top of me again and just feeling i cant cope again.I have a great husband of nearly forty years and i talk to him but he just feels nothing we can do so just get on with it,i wish i could be like him.Just one word away from tears all the time.We just saw our son,wife and two and a half year old and nine month old grandchild for an hour us freezing in their garden and them indoors my son is being very careful,working from home and not going out but thats the best we have,okay but as i left today i know his area forty miles away from us and our area go into lockdown tomorrow and i doubt i will have another visit for a while we used to visit every fortnight at the beginning of lockdown we didn't see them for 19 weeks and it was awful,little ones are to busy playing to say hello on video calls,as i left i thought i cant do this again.I know i have so much to be grateful for and i need a shaking but i just have had enough.Sorry just feels good to put down and share husband is worn down every other word is about the children.Trying to count my blessings but as with everyone else life sucks.Just those little faces not touched them since march,the baby was eight weeks old she's crawling now and the older one just accepts we are outside they are inside which is strange hard to keep him by the window but we always send toys in advance with amazon so he's happy just worry about the four of them as well.Last week i had a wobble and my daughter inlaw sent me some photos i should be supporting them must me really stressful but on the surface they seems okay.Sorry saturday blues.

ChrissyR Sat 26-Sep-20 19:20:43

Hi joanna I could have practically written that myself. I suffer with anxiety and depression anyway but it’s a lot worse now because of COVID. I’ve been married for 46 years and we’re happy together but he is like your husband, takes everything in his stride and says we just have to get on with things as best we can. I know he’s right but it doesn’t help when I’m really struggling. The slightest little thing has me in tears. I’m not going to tell you to get a grip because sometimes it’s just not possible. I hope that things improve for you but just know you’re not alone. Chrissy

Liz46 Sat 26-Sep-20 19:20:58

I wish I could offer help but I feel the same x

Gingster Sat 26-Sep-20 19:22:23

Yes it’s horrible isn’t it joanna12. Just be happy that they are all fine and well. We have the technology to keep in touch, so we are so lucky. I just think to myself ‘this won’t last forever’ Try not to worry about them. Be content that they are in a little happy bubble of their own.

joanna12 Sat 26-Sep-20 19:26:16

It is mad because i know my son was very anxious previously,the older grandson was very ill in november so i understand why he is like he is now,yet i still feel poor me.There is nothing i can do i know that yet i am moaning non stop.Me who was never a chidren lover love the bones of both of these grandchildren,just feeling what's the point anymore.

MissAdventure Sat 26-Sep-20 20:00:37

I feel exactly the same when I consider the rest of my life without my daughter.

The only difference is that nothing will change my situation. Not covid, or anything else.

So, yes, pull your socks up and appreciate what you have.

PamelaJ1 Sat 26-Sep-20 20:14:01

I do think that you are all being a bit pathetic.

Can I qualify that a little.
I grew up on the other side of the world. We saw our family every 2and a half years. We all survived.
We lived in HK., through the Mao years, riots, water shortages,

We are sooo lucky to be here in a civilised country with a free health system, enough food, even toilet rolls!
What do you really think is going to happen to you? If you take the sensible precautions you probably won’t die.

I do understand why those whose jobs are at risk, who are in danger of losing their homes who haven’t got much support are worried and stressed, if you have a real problem then I can be sympathetic but if not then get a grip?

Well you did ask🥴

BlueSky Sat 26-Sep-20 20:15:42

MissA flowers
Even though my children and grandchildren live on the other side of the world, I know that there are parents and grandparents much worse off. So yes think about that.

BlueBelle Sat 26-Sep-20 20:16:34

You’re so right MissA
I m afraid you have to stop thinking about the negatives and get on with life as best you can or else you will become very depressed and mental health problems I think will outweigh this virus in the end
Your family are safe and well, you are safe and well you have a husband, and a home we have so much technology you can talk to them every day
When I left home I moved to the Far East had my first baby there and my poor mum and dad could only have a blue airmail letter that took two weeks to arrive
I know it’s not easy to count your blessings but that is the only way so baton down your hatches and make plans for what you will do when you can
Good luck

crazyH Sat 26-Sep-20 20:18:48

Miss A flowers

BlueBelle Sat 26-Sep-20 20:21:02

pamekaj I was in HK at that time too when the water only came on every 4 th day fir 4 hours, parcel bombs going off, and evening curfews was it 5 or 6 pm .
I had a new baby and no mum and dad near by and they could only listen to the news and have no idea if I was safe or not

NanKate Sat 26-Sep-20 20:26:07

Joanna I can really understand your stress. At the beginning of Covid I felt so stressed and also family problems gave me anxiety, sleepless nights etc. 6 months later I am much calmer.

This is what I did. Another Gransnetters kindly suggested taking Ignatia which I got from Holland and Barrett it has helped me and my anxiety and my depressed relative.

I joined Duolingo and signed up free to learn Spanish. I do 5 mins a day without a break and I am on day 226 😳.

I bought myself from WHSmith coloured paper, pastels and sent for a book on Pastels for beginners. In addition I have watched a number of YouTube short videos on Pastel Art. Now I am someone who came bottom in art 3 terms running! The drawing results have really pleased me.

Both the language learning and particularly the pastel drawing has the knack of totally absorbing me and for however long I am doing these activities I am not worrying, feeling sad or catastrophising about Covid or my family.

It’s worth trying to find an absorbing interest. Best of luck.

NanKate Sat 26-Sep-20 20:27:59

MissAdventure how tragic 💐

welbeck Sat 26-Sep-20 20:31:00

maybe your husband is feeling a bit left out, as if the grandchildren are more interesting and emotionally significant to you.
cherish him too. i know only too well, and to my deep regret how easy it is to take our nearest and dearest for granted.

fevertree Sat 26-Sep-20 20:41:12

Stop cogitating on what is wrong or what you are missing. You are only one thought away from feeling better. And don't verbalise every thought that comes into your head!

My grandson isn't that interested in video calls so we stopped making them. It's fine. As long as everyone is safe, I'm happy. I have never really understood this need to constantly see grandchildren. I need to know they are safe and happy and that's enough for me.

MissA thanks

Jane10 Sat 26-Sep-20 20:41:28

Lockdown might not last too long. Then maybe you could meet up in a restaurant? It would be something anyway. They have to adhere to such strict rules and regulations and are quite a treat really. Is there somewhere nice midway between you and your son's family?

Anniebach Sat 26-Sep-20 20:46:26

Same for me as for Miss Adventure, we will ever see our daughters again , they are dead .

BlueBelle Sat 26-Sep-20 20:59:13

Yes annie and missa puts things into perspective ❤️

Luckygirl Sat 26-Sep-20 21:08:31

joanna12 - I am sorry you are feeling so low - and sometimes it is hard not to.

I know that making comparisons with others does not always help - but I have to tell you that I am facing the rest of my life without my OH; and having to face missing the GC and dealing with Covid on my own. No-one to provide comfort or to sound off to. Putting a brave face on it with the children so they can get on with their lives without feeling responsible for my happiness. Some days (like today) I really do feel that I cannot do it; but I know I can because I have to.

Please try very hard to concentrate on the good things in your life - and if you find that impossible, then that is not your fault, but it might be worth seeking help with this.

I wish you lots of luck and hope that you can find a way of pulling yourself up; and improving your mood. There will be good times to come I know. flowers

annsixty Sat 26-Sep-20 21:46:59

I tell my C I am fine because I know that is what they want to hear.
They are avoiding as much as I am.
I am so lucky because my GD ,nearly 22 lives with me and looks after me.
Her friends are great with me and keep me young.

We must accept the current situation , but also accept our children are not responsible for us.
We had them for ourselves, not theirs. They must live their lives without the burden of us.

merlotgran Sat 26-Sep-20 21:56:08

Like MissA and Anniebach There's not a day when I don't wish I could share the current problems with DD1.

She had a very no nonsense take on life and really miss that.

merlotgran Sat 26-Sep-20 21:58:53

I tell my C I am fine because I know that is what they want to hear.

Same here, Annsixty. They have problems of their own. I just tell them we're fine and not to worry.

Anniebach Sat 26-Sep-20 21:59:08

MissA merlot x x

Chewbacca Sat 26-Sep-20 22:10:15

Annie, merlot and MissAdventure have given very good examples to put your worries into perspective joanna12. You/we have much to be thankful for. Count your blessings.

MissAdventure Sat 26-Sep-20 22:10:27

See, op?
We're all miserable, really.
You're in good company.