Feeling sad

My oldest granddaughter used to stay with us for weeks at a time whilst her mum was in hospital and was never bothered about being away from her home or parents. Now she's become very anxious, she doesn't even like it if her mum is out for the evening. I feel pretty helpless when this happens but know it's just a phase she's going through.

You sound so loving. I agree with others, totally normal to feel sad but he is feeling insecure and unsure and wants his dad. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. If you are able to respond to him he will trust / love you more and more. Well done! And give yourself a hug!

I think it’s a reaction to lockdown. My 4 yr old grandson became very upset during this time, bed wetting, night terrors and scared to go walking with the dog in the woods. He is slowly getting used to the new “normal “ but still needs lots of reassurance. Don’t push him, he’ll do it when he’s ready. Enjoy the time you spend with him.

PollyDolly, that is a cruel thing to suggest. Why put that much pressure on a little person to become the adult and sooth you and also give him the worry that his behaviour has upset you so much that he has made you cry.

I would have been more concerned if he hadn't have wanted to go home with his dad.
Children change and at 4, he wouldn't be thinking about being"close" to anyone. That is just your interpretation of him liking to spend time with you.
Please don't see it as you are - that he doesn't want to spend time with you. He obviously does, but would rather, at the moment, be at home in his own bed.
In 6 months time things could well be different.

I found this post so helpful, comforting to know others share the same anxieties due to COVID restrictions. Really enjoy the daily newsletter.

I think that lockdown is responsible for many changes in relationships especially where the GC are concerned. I used to help both my DD and DS with school runs etc but they are still working from home and I’m not needed (that’s another story of course.) Last week we had DS’ children to tea. When we sat down to eat the 6 year old GD became very quiet and didn’t want to eat. We thought she was sulking about something but eventually she burst into floods of tears. She had a read a book at school about a pirate and it had scared her. They are fragile little people and have had a lot of adapting to do since March. She’s also upset as she can no longer see her cousin and some other friends in the playground as they’re not in her bubble. We can only hope that things will become more settled for them very soon.

My 6 Yr old DGD has also become much less keen on sleepovers since lockdown, although she has to stay over one night per week still. She has become much more needy of her mum since this began. The situation is further complicated by her parents being separated. I don't take any of it personally. It's just how she has dealt with the current situation.

Lockdown has disrupted our relationships with our grandchildren. One minute they can't come in the house, then they can and then again they can't. One minute they can sit on your lap and then they can't. I feel really sad and just hope that it hasn't caused long term damage to our relationships.I've felt sad and powerless. I think its confusing for the kids and yes, they want to be home and feeling safe. Kids need to be with their parents when the world is a bit or very uncertain. Yes, like not too old said its actually a good sign that they want their parents.

One reason some of the kids might feel uneasy around grandparents, is that some of them have picked up the knowledge that the virus can be very dangerous to older people. Although they may not realise it themselves, it might be making being with older people feel like a more difficult situation to deal with emotionally. They just feel the whole thing is less fraught being with their younger parents rather than their older grandparents.

PollyDolly

Have you tried pretending to be sad and upset yourself, encouraging him to be a brave boy and look after you? This used to work with my GC.

Why on earth would you want to do that? It's not the job of a small child to 'look after' a grandparent, even (or maybe especially) as some kind of manipulative ruse!

The more you try and get a child to do something it seems the less likely they are to want to. He’s still only little and I’m sure in time will start wanting to sleep over again, let him do it in his own time and just enjoy the time you are together .

The exact same thing is happening with our 5 year old granddaughter but it’s nothing to do with lockdown. She will happily spend the entire day with us, have her tea and bath but the minute she gets into bed she gets upset and wants her Mummy. We inevitably end up sitting by the side of her bed until she falls asleep. It’s difficult as we want to give our daughter a break sometimes but I think we just have to be patient until she grows out of it.

This and another thread about dgc have resonated so much with me. I’ve been thinking about my dgm who was a beacon of safety in a very turbulent childhood. Whenever I think of her I smile and feel warm inside - even after all these years. I like to think that my dgc will do the same with me as all the things we’ve done together are there in their emotional memory’s banks and are contributing to the wonderful young men I’m sure they’ll become.
Additionally, I know that the emotional support we give to their parents helps to sustains the parents in the hard work they put into their parenting and to each other. All that helps the dgc although they don’t of course know it,
But oh <eyes prickle> to enjoy another bath time being soaked by them and then to sit on the bed reading a bedtime story.

My granddaughter came to stay every other weekend and asked to do it. We had a couple of months then that she no longer wanted to stay the night. She was the same as the OP , it was once she was ready for bed that her mind changed and she asked us to take her home. Then last week all of a sudden she asked to stay. She had two nights with us and never mentioned going home once. She's 9. My 6 year old grandson sometimes wants to stay and at other times says he wants to go home. I know how you feel as I was so sad when my granddaughter no longer wanted to stay and thought she would never come again. Now here she is wanting to stay every weekend and we have to sometimes say she needs to stay home ?. Your grandson will change again I'm sure.

I expect that even though he is only 4 he has picked up the general anxiety around and is aware there is a nasty virus about although he won't be able to really work out what that means so he wants to be at home. If dad is working from home all the more reason. Just drop the overnights for the time being there is no point in giving him any worry he doesn't need. It is no reflection whatsoever on you it is just the present times.

Only one of my DGC is now in need of any supervision so I am becoming my mum and turning up for a cup of tea occasionally, times change and we have to adapt, I shall be looking out my pearls next!!

Enjoy your days with him. I'm in lockdown in the North East and can't see any of my gcs.

My 4 yr old GD and her 5 yr old sister often stayed over before lockdown, the 4 yr old , a proper little character went through a stage of wanting to be with Mum all the time, arrangements were made for a sleepover, the little one changed her mind, her Mummy said to her " do you want to stay with Nanny and Grandad " she replied pointing to us " I don't like her and I don't like him" (she does really ) don't take it personally it's a phase he'll grow out of

It helps to voice the feeling that your GC is having at any time. So if he starts crying we might say 'its ok to miss your Dad or feel sad that Dad isn't here.' Sometimes talking about his feelings will help him recognise all this is normal too & he might feel more safe expressing his emotions throughout his life.

I'm not trivialising your worries Granangel but your post took me back to a conversation I had a month ago.

My dog was at the Dog Creche for the day last month. The lady running the Creche looks after dogs for some families on a daily basis. She made a comment that after lockdown nearly all the dogs she has every day (for walks) were finding it difficult to adjust back to 'normality'. They'd got so used to being with their owners. All are now back to enjoying their stays and walks through the Creche.

We all wish for normality.

I also agree that Pollydollys advice isn’t good (sorry!) it will lead to the little one feeling a burden of responsibility for grandma and that is not healthy!

Because of the changes at home due to the virus, perhaps he is a little unsettled and needs the comfort of Dad to reassure him everything is alright. When life returns to something resembling normal he will settle again and want to stay overnight with Granny.

Arent we NOT supposed to be in others houses at ALL right now? Thats how covid is spreading

I am sure with regular contact he will be back to staying over happily, this year has been a huge shock to absolutely everyone.

This disease has wrecked so many family relationships. We have lost all contact with family on the other side of town, because DiL is paranoid and absolutely no-one is allowed inside the house, even now. Her father does their gardening, and as there is no side entrance, he has been told to hold his breath and literally run through the house to get there whilst the family hide upstairs!!

Not sure where you are Nannan2, but here in SE England we can have six inside the house.