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People who just boast through every encounter.

(26 Posts)
Sparkling Wed 07-Oct-20 12:37:09

A good friend/neighbour, rings up several times a week to tell me how brilliant every member of her family is, how they are constantly in touch and not a day goes by without one visiting. If I see her out it’s just the same, this has been particularly bad the last five years or so and I dread the phone going or the door bell ringing, visits are always with loads of photos. Not complaining about my family, but we don’t see each other much and I don’t want to hear this.

DanniRae Wed 07-Oct-20 12:40:56

She's not really a good friend is she? hmm

Pantglas2 Wed 07-Oct-20 12:44:21

She needs to become your infrequent friend doesn’t she......

MissAdventure Wed 07-Oct-20 12:44:22

I think I would just cut the conversation short.
We had an interesting thread a while back, about people who just talk 'at', rather than 'to', and this person belongs in that category.

dragonfly46 Wed 07-Oct-20 12:46:58

There are a lot of people around like this and I always wonder what is behind the boasting. They are usually covering an inner sadness.

Oldwoman70 Wed 07-Oct-20 12:48:45

When someone keeps telling me how wonderful their family and life is I wonder who they are trying to convince - me or themselves

sue421 Wed 07-Oct-20 12:54:49

Protect yourself! I have a friend of many years but I have realised that she depresses me with all her ailments and gp visits! I do limit our contact! I know there are problems with her health but she does enjoy it. If I say i have a problem it is really brushed to one side. So i now protect myself.

threexnanny Wed 07-Oct-20 13:09:43

It's the pages and pages of wonderful achievements put in with the Christmas card that I hate. The wonderful holidays (usually) that I didn't know they'd taken, and the job promotions which I hadn't heard they were in line for etc. etc.

EllanVannin Wed 07-Oct-20 13:15:31

I agree with Dragonfly---they're usually sad people inside.

Smileless2012 Wed 07-Oct-20 13:16:28

Perhaps your friend is over compensating Sparkling and her family isn't as close as she's trying to portraysad.

Lucca Wed 07-Oct-20 13:20:00


It's the pages and pages of wonderful achievements put in with the Christmas card that I hate. The wonderful holidays (usually) that I didn't know they'd taken, and the job promotions which I hadn't heard they were in line for etc. etc.

Oh yes the annual “boast through the post”. Their kids were seemingly on the point of winning a Nobel prize while mine were acting up at home and ignoring schoolwork.

Davidhs Wed 07-Oct-20 13:24:37


There are a lot of people around like this and I always wonder what is behind the boasting. They are usually covering an inner sadness.

I have a successfull family I try not to boast, in fact I deliberately avoid saying too much, it’s nothing to do with inner sadness. No doubt the Parent is very proud of their family's achievements, we hear so often on this forum about disaster families, are we not supposed to like good news.

Kate1949 Wed 07-Oct-20 13:30:00

I feel your pain! I live that 'boast through the post' Lucca. I get one every year from one person - the Christmas round robin.
Pre lockdown, I used to meet up with a few ex colleagues (separate meet ups) about once a month. Most of them just talked at me and never asked about me or mine. I knew the ins and outs of the lives of their assorted relatives, their names and what the budgie had for tea.
They rarely asked about me or mine. I am always wary of being seen as boasting. Of course we are all proud of our families but I would hate anyone to think I was bragging.
I always used to say yes to these meet ups. I have no idea why. I didn't want to hurt their feelings. What is the matter with me?
It has been such a relief during lockdown to be free of this. Never again.

EllanVannin Wed 07-Oct-20 13:30:42

Isn't it a bit of an obsession when the friend/neighbour of the OP phones or rings the doorbell constantly with her boasting though Davidhs ? Is that normal to you ?

MissAdventure Wed 07-Oct-20 13:33:31

I actually doubt that any one person or family is successful in all spheres of their life.
Besides, nobody like a show off.

sodapop Wed 07-Oct-20 13:39:54

I would be suspicious about this boasting Sparkling as Smileless said what is she compensating for.

As for the Christmas boasting, there was a thread on this a while ago where we said it was a great temptation to send a card to say our relatives were in prison/ defrauding the benefit system/ drunk every day etc.

Grandma70s Wed 07-Oct-20 13:46:08

I usually stop sending Christmas cards to people who send a round robin. If they can’t be bothered to write a personal note, I think they’re quite rude. I quite like to know what their families are doing, but just not in this way.

It’s not always boasting, is it? Usually it’s just facts. If they have children more clever than mine (not that they ever do, you understand) that’s not their fault, and I don’t see why they shouldn’t tell me their children’s achievements. They can tell me about their holidays, too, as long as they don’t go on and on.

annsixty Wed 07-Oct-20 14:17:36

I know her twin Sparkling
I have known her for over 45 years and nothing stops her.
I have avoided seeing her for two years now but still got the phone call until recently.
She had two GC both doing exams this year, when she rang ne on the mornings of both the A level and GCSE results I didn’t answer the phone.
I then asked a friend to drop into conversation that I was very low and depressed, true, and I wasn’t into talking to anyone.
She has rung me 3 times since then and left messages , the last one saying she knew I didn’t want to talk, but really this was her, I would surely not mean her.

I haven’t let her know I am hopeful about getting my new hip this week as she will know someone who was far worse and that will be the end of my part of the conversation.

I am too much of a coward to say anything too her.

Sparkling Wed 07-Oct-20 19:50:39

I couldn’t hurt her, so I endure, scream inwardly.

Iam64 Wed 07-Oct-20 19:56:03

Do you listen to the Archers sparkling? There is a relatively new cast member, who moved into Ambridge onto the new estate. She talks endlessly and persistently about her daughter, how close they are etc etc. The daughter is often expected to visit but never does. As others have said, sometimes people overstate the positives to avoid the sadness.

lemongrove Wed 07-Oct-20 21:24:21

Can’t you get around this problem by not answering the phone or the doorbell every so often? However nice a person is, this kind of behaviour is so unwelcome and if they can’t see it, then all you can do is limit the time spent with them.

V3ra Wed 07-Oct-20 21:27:18

We had a friend years ago who would always update us about fellow students from our college days by telling us how well everyone was doing, how big a house they'd bought, how good a job they'd got.

I always used to feel like asking if they were happy and if their children were well-behaved.

The friend himself (a staunch church-goer) ended up having an affair and getting divorced.

Chewbacca Wed 07-Oct-20 21:32:10

You could perhaps try falling asleep during one of her monologues and see if she gets the message. There's nothing quite like a comatose audience to make the star of the show realise that she's boring.

welbeck Thu 08-Oct-20 00:09:56

you just have to distance yourself from some people.
having noted the effect it has on you, you need to protect yourself. she won't.
why should what she wants to do, make you into her audience, be more important than your wish for a quiet calm life.
i think females are conditioned to put others first to a degree that can be damaging.
why don't you open a discussion on that topic with her if she corners you again.
be an actor rather than reactor.

52bright Thu 08-Oct-20 00:39:10

My mother, 89, a cheerful uncomplaining soul finds people who constantly boast about their grandchildren tedious. She has 5 herself, all happily married, with children of their own and successful in professional jobs, but she never boasts about them. She listens politely to her friends and makes all the right noises in all the right places, but finds some people's competitive grandparenting really baffling. She sees it as a form of self praise and still feels, as she was wont to tell her children back in the day, that 'self praise is no recommendation'. grin