Christmas and presents

I agree that it is lovely to have gifts to give and receive to open. I usually give my dd and sil a couple of little gifts and also money, Amazon vouchers or gift experiences and they usually give us little gifts and Gift Experiences. Of course I give my little gd presents but only small things as she gets so much from from other relatives and friends. I also put money in her account. However, we all got quite caught out last year as some of the gift experiences could not be used due to covid. My sil finally managed to book a flight simulator experience we'd bought him but it's in December so will it be cancelled again? Therefore, I will give money instead this year.
I would also warn people not to buy store vouchers just in case the businesses have to close down (God forbid) and they can't be used.

I would be quite happy with that arrangement, I do not buy gifts for adults anyway.

Hi, I am new here but desperate for advice. My son and his partner have two beautiful daughters aged 2 and 7 months. We are now approaching our 3rd Christmas as grandparents to our girls and I feel like I am at war with my son and partner.
They have told us that all gifts are to come from Santa, they will pick up our presents and take them away and Santa will deliver them. I have agreed to a selection of gifts to go to Santa but I have said that we want presents under our tree from us to the girls and we have been told no everything comes from Santa. I just can't let this happen we also have an 8 year old grandson to my older son, how awful would I feel giving him presents whilst my Granddaughters sit and get nothing. They just will not compromise with me and its breaking our hearts.

I give my (adult) children either something they have asked for or sometimes a larger present that they need.
For example one year I gave my DS and DIL a dryer between them for shared birthday and Christmas presents. Some years I give them less - I see no point in buying them "surprise" presents that they really don't want or need.

One of my daughters gives me a list of cosmetics and make-up items that she'd like or we go out shopping for clothes for her. Another daughter is hard up and I usually take her out and buy her clothes she needs such as a coat, boots or shoes, or perhaps a replacement microwave. One son gets some cash and a hamper of nice foodie gifts that he couldn't afford to buy for himself.
I think its important to give them things when they need them, no point giving them a surprise present at Christmas when they really need something expensive in June.

Before lockdown on Thursday in the next two days I’m going to support all our struggling local shops in our town before they close (still not sure about Dec 2 nd yet??) to buy small gifts to send in the post.We re not all going to see each other at Christmas like we normally do ,we all live too far away there are at least 20 of us and every year we used to meet up at our Mums a few days before Christmas to exchange parcels for Santa to open onChristmas day ,bringing food when Mum became too frail to host it herself . We bought all the children something and just a small gift to unwrap for the adults Sadly we lost Mum this year.She won’t be around to know this can’t be this time .
We ll miss her so much ?
At press DD and SIL and my sister who is in her own for Christmas Day if we re allowed Got to be safe we have a lot to be thankful for .But COVID ?

I give presents to family because they like it, but I don't care for myself. Without young children around, it seems pointless.

I get where you are coming from Liverbird66 but i can see there point saying things come from Santa. They're the parents you have had your way with your own children.
Yes i understand how you wantto give and see them receive but if you're not careful you could run the risk of not seeing them.
Let them do it there way.

Dragonfly this is why we do not promise to buy from the list. There have been several times when we have bought something we know someone would like, but which wasn't on the list. DGS got a garden pond liner one year. He is nature mad and the bottom of the garden is his nature reserve. We knew he wanted a pond in it but, at 8, couldn't think of asking for a pond liner. He was over the moon when he realised what we had bought him.

I suppose it's less chance of getting elbow-deep into covid-spattered wrapping paper...

I love to get presents, nothing expensive, to open on Xmas Day cos it feels like Xmas, but there's not a lot of money spent on both sides. I've only a sister now out of our whole family, everyone's gone, and we have always set a £20 limit, but it's more like stocking fillers now cos you can't get much for £20 now lol. I buy a few close friends, but when 'my bestie' and I go shopping she takes in what I say is lovely and sneaks back alone and surprises me with them, but one friend always regifts and I received back things I've bought her. You need a good memory if you like to do that lol

Liverbird, I understand what you mean, but I think you have to go by what the parents want. You say they won’t compromise, but do you mean they won’t do what you want? Could a compromise be that you give the 8 year old his gift when the smaller ones aren’t there, and give all three a token present when they are all together?

We have a Wish List on a certain internet site and pick from that what to give as a gift. At least it will be something the person actually wants. Lists for the GC too which are very useful as they don't live nearby. Personally I am at the stage of not being able to think of a blasted thing to put on my list. It's either something so small and insignificant I can buy myself or very expensive I wouldn't expect anyone else to buy for me.

Last year we said kids’ presents only from family to family, not within each family as that’s a different matter. This year parents will get a money transfer from me and buy their children’s presents as I think it is highly unlikely we will get to see them and anyway I get sent links to things they like so just eliminating one stage in the process. Last year we spent a small fortune sending gifts to the other side of the world too and this year we (her siblings and I) have agreed that my daughter could better have the extra £60 £70 rather than It going on postage so will be sending money alone. The grandchildren won’t mind a jot though I know the ones here will greatly miss coming to us.

Liverbird I do sympathise with you. I did a stocking from Father Christmas and everything else was labelled with who sent it. I can’t wait for the youngest DG living with me to twig that Santa is us. I am on the verge of telling him so often and have to stop myself. My eldest got told at school when she was 5 and happily passed the information to her younger siblings so I feel a 7 year old should know that Santa and the tooth fairy and also the Easter bunny are fictitious and I don’t have to give ridiculous answers to questions about how FC gets into the house. Knowing the truth never reduced the fun of a stocking on the bedpost, a pound coin under the pillow or a basket of Easter presents mysteriously at the front door. The children just did their best to catch me doing the delivery?

Can I just add that whist I will buy vouchers - can you make sure they are not the multinationals but your local stores?

Last year I was aware that my children were worrying about providing their children with the presents they really wanted and I was more than aware that with 6 family birthdays between the end of November and the end of January and presents to buy for 4 children and 4 grandchildren and a few for friends, this was going to be a bit stressful now and more so in the years to come when our income will probably be less.
We cannot possibly compete with the sort of gifts our grandchildren are used to getting either.
I suggested that our three immediate families agreed to buy a large family size tin of chocolates/sweets for the other two families and leave things at that. They were all happy with the arrangement and all said how much pressure it lifted.
With birthdays we agreed a limit of around £25.00 each apart from special birthdays when we could spend anything we liked. the joy of being together (sadly probably not this year) far outweighs the worry of presents and there are always plenty of chocolates as well as all the usual Christmas
Food around.

I think craftyone has the right idea. I buy myself a few gifts, usually from Amazon and I can even get them gift wrapped! If grown-ups want money then fine - I ask mine to show me what they bought with the cash as it’s a nice surprise for me too!

I have been giving gift cards for a few years. Much as I loved choosing, wrapping and distributing individual presents my health and increasing impairments make it impossible.

All the youngsters get a gift card and we give the rest of the money we would have spent on ‘token’ presents for grownups, cards, wrapping, etc.to charity.

We don’t expect presents back,

I'm a real misery guts about presents.
It used to drive my mum and daughter mad, so I would ask them to buy something if I saw it at any time through the year.

I'd always forget, but it was lovely to see something and be told "Right, you're having that!"

One of the best Christmas presents I ever got was a gift voucher for my favourite wool shop. I got lots of pleasure choosing a pattern and at the end got a nice cardigan in much more expensive yarn than I could afford without the voucher.

Why don't you do a 'wishlist. That's what l do with my two sisters . We have a lot of things. Only use certain products (we're at an age where we know what suits our skin etc) so you still do presents but get things you want it need. Works for us

Liverbird66

Hi, I am new here but desperate for advice. My son and his partner have two beautiful daughters aged 2 and 7 months. We are now approaching our 3rd Christmas as grandparents to our girls and I feel like I am at war with my son and partner.
They have told us that all gifts are to come from Santa, they will pick up our presents and take them away and Santa will deliver them. I have agreed to a selection of gifts to go to Santa but I have said that we want presents under our tree from us to the girls and we have been told no everything comes from Santa. I just can't let this happen we also have an 8 year old grandson to my older son, how awful would I feel giving him presents whilst my Granddaughters sit and get nothing. They just will not compromise with me and its breaking our hearts.

Oh my word, Liverbird66

That's not fair.

We always told our children that Father Christmas bought stuff that was in a stocking and everything else was labelled as to who it was from!

Funnily enough my daughter did this with the Advent Calendars. She would say that FC dropped them off. Well he didn't actually. These were expensive Lego ones that we got them. I was very happy to get a cheap one for FC to donate but I wanted the children to know we'd got them them the Lego calendars!

Your grandchildren will find out, (sadly) that FC hasn't been bringing them anything at all so it's best to accustom them to the fact family members also give presents!

None of my family buy gifts at Christmas, which upsets me enormously. I used to adore Chrismas as a family time and in my mind, gifts were to show you how much you were loved.

Now, I go to great lengths to shop, buy and wrap prezzies for my dogs. The family laugh at me but I don't care. I get enormous pleasure in seeing thier little pugly faces as they tear the paper of!

If you watched the Martin Lewis Money show in November 2017, he gave an impassioned pledge releasing us all from this 'I'll buy you something so you give me something back' nonsense. I wrote something on the Facebook page and was later contacted to appear on the show in November 2018. It was about not having to spend so much money and therefore not getting into debt for what is, essentially, one day. Yesterday, I did a follow-up video for the show this year where I talk about how NOT having to spend as much as I used to spend, has released the burden of feeling obligated to buy something. As you said, you often don't get back something you like and like you, I pretend I do. What I do with those gifts is to regift them to someone else (making a note of who I received it from so I don't inadvertently give it back to them for the following Christmas!). Martin Lewis suggests that we all cut down on giving because sometimes, we put pressure on the other person to give us a gift and perhaps, they might not be as financially able as us. As I'm a pensioner, I rely on my State Pension to live; I am not in debt and the Christmas money we're given I usually spend towards Christmas. But since 2017 (Martin's pledge) I have gradually reduced how much I spend on Christmas, going from £500 - £600 down to under £100. It can be done. Arrange a secret Santa if you have a large family, agree on a sum of money and then you're only buying one present for the agreed sum of money. I stopped buying for friends and have reduced how much I spend on my family - telling them in advance. Although my family (sons) earn more than my pension, why should they spend a lot of money on me when I can't possibly equate that? Sadly, most offspring want the money so that they can buy something they want and giving someone a £20 voucher does look a bit mean, but I often give things throughout the year, so I don't feel bad about not spending so much at Christmas. Sorry this is a long post.

Our family (sisters and their partners and children) usually do a wish list, so we select something from that to give as a gift. One year I was doing a silversmiths class so most got a handmade svet item and sometimes we do handmade gifts. However, given that shopping this year is going to be so difficult (normally do the bulk of it over the next month) I think we'll all just be doing cash ot tokens, esp given the lockdown may not end when they have said.. Going to be a less jolly Christmas this year

It has become very common for families to decide not to give presents or to ask for gift tokens or money instead.

I understand why you feel disappointed or hurt by this attitude, but in your place I would go along with it. After all, you never know what might trigger the kind of family quarrel you would bitterly regret.

Buy yourself a nice Christmas present and have it gift wrapped and open it on Christmas Day.

Childish? No, not if doing so gives you pleasure.

I know it is not the same as getting a present from someone else, but it helps.

I'll let you into a secret: we only give presents to our son and daughter-in-law if they spend Christmas with us, as they too are inclined to regard it as silly to give presents when you can buy what you want. DH is a bit like that too.
I love giving presents, and as I have my dolls and teddies from when I was a child, I give them presents.

I longed to do so when I was little, but didn't have the pocket money to do so, so I do it now. DH doesn't know, he would think it childish. I admit it is, but I know it is a game and I enjoy it.