Is be ok to say I’m worried?

Morning everyone. OK, my husband is having a knee replacement in January, we have gone private for this operation. Where I live we have a Spire hospital, the consultants who work there also work in our local NHS hospital. Whilst they have all been trained by the NHS they are all quite happy to work half their time for NHS and the other half privately. The same person doing my husbands knee op is the same one he would see on NHS but probably in 2 years time. If you go private in these circumstances then you are not pushing NHS patients down the list you are pushing them up the list. We have found ourselves paying for more privately over the last few years as our GP informs us the NHS is doing this or that anymore, even things such as physio, a 10 week wait, by the time you get an appointment and your treatment is every 2-3 weeks the problem has gotten worse. We too were saving to change our car but my husbands quality of life is more important. If you can pay for tests to get done then I would certainly offer. Lets stop pretending that the NHS is running normally and do whats right for your family

The NHS don't always move quickly when it could be cancer. I went to my GP in September with a pain my breast. She booked me for an urgent mammogram. After not hearing anything I began making enquiries. I was told that I had been downgraded from urgent to routine and the waiting time was 13 MONTHS. I was very upset and worried. We have health insurance through Benenden and they were brilliant. I got an appointment at a private clinic this week. I was given a mammogram and a scan. The results were available straight away and all was clear. The worry I would have suffered in 13months would have been unbearable. Just saying, if you can afford to send your SIL private I hope he takes you up on the offer.

Oldfogie, can you please explain how private patients seeing the same consultants as NHS ones in NHS hospitals are helping to push people up the list?

I am not saying that people 'shouldn't' do this, by the way. If you are in pain or very worried then setting aside principle to help yourself or your family is understandable.

I just wish people wouldn't pretend that they are doing it for altruistic reasons, as it just isn't true.

If it is something that would be life threatening to delay, the NHS should step up to the mark even though we're in lockdown. I had a lump during the last lockdown and I was seen within a fortnight and everything cleared up at the first appointment. Your SIL might have to chase a bit but it would be worth doing if your DD is getting worried.
If you want to offer to pay, you can always suggest that you are doing it to help settle your DD's anxiety rather than because you are worried. I am not an anxious person but I can honestly say that I was panic stricken when my Mammogram showed a lump.

Im just wondering what you would pay for privately? If its just the diagnosis then he still ends up waiting for the NHS treatment.

If it's diagnsis and treatment then are you aware that could end up as many thousands?

Also if your dd is a "real worrier" with anxiety and depression anyway, are you sure the situation is as bad as she is painting it?

I think it would be good to do some basic research about what could be available privately and the cost etc and then if it still seems available option you could offer and discuss it with your family.

I had a breast cancer diagnosis in November 2018. I had the best treatment and it would not have been any quicker if I had gone privately. From what I gather the only advantage is that you can have chemo administered at home. If you suspect cancer I would not recommend going private but if it is a routine operation maybe I would if it would mean it was done quicker.
As I said upthread our Spire is no longer doing anything privately as it has been taken over by the NHS so I would check first.

Check what exactly you would be prepared to pay for, diagnosis, treatment etc, then offer the money, but leave it up to your son to make the decision.

Offer to pay, they can always have the3 necessary treatment on the? NHS

I would offer by saying ‘if you don’t want to wait to be called for tests, I have a little money set aside if you would like to pay for a private consultation. Then they know the offer is there if they need it.

Speak to your son-in-law, not to your daughter or to both of them at once.

Say you are willing to pay if he wants to try to get a private appointment, or to contribute to paying for it.

It's his health and his decision, but probably he will be pleased you offered, even if he says no thank you.

Would try to offer the private tests again, but do you know what woujd happen if the tests were showing a need for treatment. Would your SiL then go up any list for treatment. You should be prepared for the outcome not only the test results but what may happen afterwards. Do hope tests are favourable when they are carried out no matter NHS or privately.

I would offer on the basis ‘it would relieve the worry we are all having if you could be seen sooner’ It’s often possible to transfer over to NHS if treatment needed - we did that with DH’s heart problems and it saved a bit of time

Do offer to pay for him it would be easier for him being self employed they tend to run on time. I am still waiting to hear about my appointment promised by my specialist for september about an op gone wrong.

I wouldn’t hesitate to offer. Once they have results of the tests they can then decide which route to follow.

I wouldn't think twice ....waiting to have tests done is horrible and waiting for results is even worse, especially for your DD who has an anxious personality. Yes, do offer to pay .... if the results show the need for urgent treatment, the NHS will be on the ball and there will be no need to seek private care. That's what is so wonderful about our NHS. I hope all goes well

I would pay for the diagnosis if it were me, but agree with crazyH that if the results show need for urgent treatment, the NHS will be there, Covid notwithstanding. My SIL is very seriously ill, and this has been his/our experience from June onwards this year. It perhaps helps that he lives in an urban area and there are several good hospitals within reasonable travelling distance.

With regard to your DD's anxiety (understandable) I would remind you both of the 'Desiderata'poem by Max Ehrmann. He said, very wisely 'do not distress yourself with imaginings'. Deal with what is, not what might be. And give yourselves other, pleasanter things to think about - and to do - whenever you can.

Been there, got the T shirt!

I agree that you should offer to help. In the last 12 months my neighbour has become increasingly frail and has had several falls. His wife wasn’t get any help from their GP. She last contacted him in August asking for a referral. He said there would be a very long wait so she asked for a private referral instead. Her husband was seen in early September and Parkinson’s disease was diagnosed. He’s now on medication and the improvement in him is truly dramatic. He would have deteriorated so much more without that appointment.

I have no doubts at all as to what I would do in your situation. I would write to your DD and offer to pay for the tests, provided that you can afford to do so. Tell her the offer is genuine one and say you don't need an immediate answer but ask them to think about it and say the money is there for them whenever they need it.

It might just ease their burden of worry if you tell them the offer to help is there should they face the possibility of a lengthy wait.

It's fine to offer help. I'd just say that you're worried about your daughter's anxiety, though, rather than SIL's condition.

Having the tests and a definite diagnosis is always less stressful than waiting and wondering what it could be.

I would talk to them about private health care .its better safe than sorry.

Prior to Covid, my DH had private surgery for prostate knowing that our local hospital had an 18 month waiting list. He was self employed, so not much choice, and had to use our savings. Working at the hospital at that time, I knew the urology department was under tremendous pressure with a vacancy for a surgeon.
Things are different now as NHS has taken over private hospitals.
My own experience of cancer diagnosis and treatment was very good with NHS and I would say private care is unnecessary. The technology available is amazing, so you should have confidence in our NHS.
Have you considered offering to help financially with household payments as this is tremendous worry for self employed people?
Hope everything works out for your family.

Private health care is extremely expensive and can run into thousands of pounds and more, you sometimes need a bottomless pit. The NHS is mostly very good, we have had excellent treatment with them. A biopsy carried out privately cost us just under £20K over ten years ago follow up treatment was on the NHS. Even in this current situation the NHS are meeting deadlines where consultation and diagnosis of serious health issues are concerned. My DH needed an urgent referral followed up by tests, this all happened within 2 weeks, in fact the referral to see the consultant was the same day as going to the doc. If you can afford it then offer, sometimes private consultations then open the door to NHS treatment very often by the same doctors. Good luck, I hope it works out well for your family.

I rarely comment here but felt I had to speak up. Sorry Doodledog but you are incorrect. Private patients do move NHS patients up the line. Yes, the consultants who treat the patients are generally trained by the NHS however their private work is only done outside of their NHS contracted hours whether in a private hospital/clinic or within a Trust privately run unit. In terms of your SIL, honey rose, if his doctor believes he may have something serious, he will be referred on a 2 week wait which means he should be seen within 2 weeks of referral. Do be careful about taking a part private path as your SIL may end up back at the beginning of the NHS referral process if you find his treatment is too expensive.