Relationship with DILs

My DIL is barely polite to me, though all right with DH.

I have no idea what, if anything, I have done to offend her.

DS hasn't commented either, but last time they were here, (last Christmas) he encouraged her to leave early, but stayed himself.

I have been blessed. I had a fantastic MIL and my DIL is a dream.

I have one DIL. She and my DS have been married 10 years and have four beautiful children. She is a wonderful wife and mother and makes my son very happy. I love her very much and I think she feels the same towards me. My two daughters are both DILs. One get on v well with her MiL and one finds hers a bit overbearing. But nothing terrible.

I have three, all very different. I am not as at ease with them as my own daughter, but No 1 lived with us for years so she could work in this country while son lived abroad with 2 GDs. She is lovely and far too good for him. No 2 is very much the organising sort (head teacher!) but has completely shut the family away since March. No 3 was desperately shy, I think she is used to us by now, but I am very careful not to give unasked for advice. They are all part of the family, and I would do anything to help any of them, but a daughter you can relax with more.

I have 2 DiLs. One I have known since she was 16. She & my son are separated but still very friendly & I love her to pieces.
The other is a very nice kind girl & I am fond of her but I can't say I am as close to her as I am with the other one. I treat them both the same but I do not feel as relaxed with her.
Both families are about 20 min drive from us so we see the 6 DGC a lot ( usually- not for last few months!)
I think I am lucky.

My Dil is Vietnamese, at the beginning everything was good. We paid for the wedding etc, her family were lovely. She came to stay with us when we were in London. I never had a daughter and was delighted with her. After the baby was born things were ok. They live in Germany and I am in Scotland there was no interference from me. I rented a place in France and we all had xmas together which was lovely. After I signed over my German house to my son everything changed. She threw a tantrum on one visit and it was really nasty. I told her off and I was angry. That ended the relationship. We have not been allowed to visit ever since. My son brings my grandson to visit us in Scotland and we see him on WhatsApp every week. We were a close family once. I get angry sometimes but there is always good advice from gransnetters......say nothing. It's his wife, I don't care about the house because my son would always have inherited it. Sometimes I wish he had married a lovely German girl he was in a relationship with. But all we can do is get on with our own life.

my son and his partner have been together for 5 years, i call her my daughter-in-law, she is brilliant and we get on really well, i love her son and there baby just the same, she is the daughter i never had

I had a dreadful relationship with my MIL. She was a committed catholic,therefore wouldn’t accept me because I was divorced( age 21,....?). Still only 21 when I was introduced to her. My husband and I now married 44 years! She said her religion says I’m only married to first husband and my 6 wonderful children are illegitimate, and ,I will reunite with first husband in heaven.... ?
So, armed with experience, and now have 5 DIL’s!! They are fantastic! I button my lip if I EVER have a different opinion, which we don’t! They all include husband and I in everything. Now have half for Xmas lunch, then swop and have other half for Christmas tea. Go on holiday with them. DIL’s call round with kids on their own sometimes.
I really can say with tons of experience, back off and keep shtum if any argy bargy starts! ( I’ve got 8, soon to be 10, grandchildren!). If they have a differing opinion to me, I say “ well I hadn’t considered that view”, etc etc, it’s worked so far!

Interesting thread. So often on this site there is a lot of DiL bashing so it’s nice that many of you get on with your DiL’s. I think that with regard to divorce it takes two so it’s easy to believe that your child had no part in the split and to blame DiL (or SiL).

My ex.DIL. Didn’t want a relationship with me. I was very inclusive with her and when my son left my DIL , just a few months ago. . I didn’t judge either of them and tried to support my DIL but she wasn’t interest. I doubt I will ever hear or see from her again, even though they were together for over 20 years, since Uni. I think she was close to her own Mum, so didn’t need me.

I don't have a daughter in law but I am one . My experience with my mother in law has been absolutely awful . She has always stirred trouble in the family . I have tolerated her for my husband sake . Yesterday day she started stirring pot again saying our daughter was liar . This is the straw that broke the camel's back . I have told my husband our daughter and I no longer want anything to do with her . I have told him I am not stopping him from seeing her but we have no interest . There is just to much grief having her in our life's . So if you do have a daughter in law be kind to her , even if you don't always agree with her .

I haven’t got DiL but two nice SiL - however, whenever I’m on the brink of saying something to my daughters that could cause “waves” I always think to myself ‘would I say this to a DiL’ if my answer is no I bite my tongue! It works for me and I hope for them. Btw DD don’t know I do this ?
I think my daughters MiLs are fortunate but then I’m a bit biased!

I have daughters so no DIL. My eldest daughter is married and I feel I have a good relationship with my SIL. My youngest daughter had been with her boyfriend for six years and engaged for 3. They both lived with me until they bought a flat last year. A few months ago my daughter split up with her fiance and I respect her decisions for doing so. He has been an uncle figure to both my grandsons and they have known him since birth. Now that connection is lost,I can understand his pain but it's still very sad.

Our sons all have lovely wives and we are happy that our sons are happily married. Unfortunately, I can't say they are wonderful DiLs but we live along way from them all, so we rub along when we meet up. My first MiL died before we were married, she was a nice lady, second MiL was 80 when I met her (DH was a surprise baby!), so she always seemed like a little old lady, I hope I was kind to her and that she liked me.

I get on extremely well with my Daughter in law. I don't have a partner so not relevant. I have two Sons but currently just the one Daughter in law.

My son and his partner aren't married YET but I consider his partner as my DIL as they are expecting their first baby. I Have been fretting over 'saying the right thing' not being too involved or not involved enough. Reading these messages gives me heart - it is an eternal problem! I am now taking it steady, being kind and offering help when I can and letting the relationship grow. I can see from your posts that it takes time. I may not be her mother but I hope I can be a support for her if she needs it. After all I did live with her partner (my son) for many years so can understand quite a bit of what she might be facing some days! We have a laugh about that now and it gives me some encouragement she trusts me not to interfere but just reassure her she is doing a great job and I just want the very best for them

I have the loveliest daughter-in-law any mother-in-law could wish for.

I have one DiL who I get on very well with, always made to feel valued and welcome. My other DiL makes me feel I am an imposition and only views, customs from her own family, extending so far as great uncle/aunts are of any value. To me her views are set in traditions and unless you are knowledgeable of these anything you say just doesn't matter. With the Christmas season upon us this is an example of a tradition - presents are given out hourly from the time children awaken until 10 pm at night. I felt so mercenary the first time I spent Christmas Day with son and family as I had one gift for each person I knew would be there. Also became so sick of having to stop to admire presents. It's tradition though!!

My DS and DIL divorced this past year. I was devastated - sad for him that his marriage didn’t work out and sad because I really love her. Sad for our DGS. However, miraculously (at least at present,) she and I have been fine - their house is a mile away (DS is now with us) and we all share childcare so she’s here often. She and I actually went away for a a ladies’ trip of a few days a few weeks ago to give us a break and let the guys fend for themselves. She and DS are determined to keep things amicable for the sake of DGS. This all may change of course but I’m hoping not. She doesn’t have parents - never knew her dad and mum died years ago, so that may be a factor.

My daughter-in-law is the daughter I never had, we get on well , she and my son lived with us for 6 mths til they saved a deposit for their first flat. We see them every week and before COVID had craft sessions and visits to craft fairs and shopping. She also gets on with my husband. We now have two wonderful grandchildren, which we childcare for once or twice a week. My son jokes that if they ever broke up I’d choose her first. Love them both so can’t imagine that ever happening.

I am a DIL and am still in touch with my first MIL. Divorced from her son about 19 years ago but we had known each other since I was 17 and I'm now 58 so an important relationship in my life. Don't see 2nd MIL much but phone regularly etc
Have 3 DIL's. I like them all. Get on v well with one and also with her mum. 1 is in America but wemessage often.
I try not to be too demanding of them (I remember feeling slightly resentful of that when I was younger)
It's a tricky path cos sometimes not being too demanding can be seen as not being interested enough.
Try not to side with your sons if they come to you with grumbles - it's often only a storm in a teacup

My middle son says the same as polly's son lol and so does DIL

Wonderful DIL, wonderful SIL and I had a wonderful MIL, I have been very very lucky.

So very sad to hear that, morethan2. I realised how much I loved my dil after she gave birth to our beautiful grandchild after a long and difficult labour. I was nearly sick with worry that something terrible would happen to her. She let me hold the baby very soon after the birth. She is kind and thoughtful too and puts up with my son! Last year she gave me a special decoration straight off their tree to remind me of our wonderful grandchild. I was very touched by that indeed. Feel lucky to have her.

I have one sil, not the norm, as he’s married to my son . Although we are estranged, and up to that point we did get on.
But I do think he’s perfect for my son, and they have a great life together. It’s weird to say I have a sil, when I don’t feel as though I have.
Any partners my children have had, I’ve always been nice to them, not to say they’d be my choice.