Relationship with DILs

Oh morethan .

So sorry morethan, really hard for you and your family. I'm very lucky, my sil is wonderful and last Christmas I had a beautiful card from him, thanking us for all that we did for their family, I was really touched.

Morethan that’s very sad for you and for your sons.
I too am a mother of sons. I have to admit that I didn’t make a great effort with my mother-in-law, we got on okay but she died before my sons had girlfriends never mind a wife. I often think how well we’d get on now that I understand what being the mother-in-law actually means.
We have two lovely daughters-in-law, one in particular goes out of her way to make sure we are included in everything and all is fair. We have two ex ds-I-l, one is lovely and we are still close, the other was a nasty violent person who we were all glad to see the back of.
I do tread carefully with all and believe that it’s different to be the mother of sons. Not harder but different.

I had a difficult and unkind mother in law who would say nasty things - but only when no-one else was around. Now it is my turn to be an MiL, my rule is that if I can't say something nice I say nothing at all. and I never give advice unless asked. My DIl is a wonderful girl, beautiful, clever and hardworking, but quite reserved and I love her to bits even if she isn't keen on hugs!

My husband is a big softie who gets on with everybody but even he struggled with the nasty ex daughter-in-law.

I dislike the term DIL and SIL, as to me it implies that the people concerned are somehow one step removed from the family. This is probably a result of my own experience as a DIL; how I disliked the DIL cards! Anyway, we have one of each and they are just family. We were fortunate that our AC chose well. I am well aware of how fortunate we are.

I am so so lucky, both my sons have the most amazing wives who I love dearly. So not only have I got 2 more daughters, they’re also become very dear friends to me. My DD loves it too as she now has 2 sisters after putting up with her 2 brothers tormenting her for years ! My son in law is lovely too and they all get on so well together. Son no2, this is his 2nd wife, and I am still close to his 1st wife too. I have been very cross and hurt by her previously but it’s all in the past now, and even her 2 babies by her 2nd husband call me Nanny, even tho they’re not mine .... so it’s all worked out well.

Hating us was one of the facets of a mental condition that quickly exposed itself in the relationship, not quickly enough to stop him marrying and having a child, breaking his heart and his hard-earned bank account. Let's say she is not on the top of our Christmas card list

Monica, you must have been a lovely DIL and now a lovely MIL.

I have a lovely daughter in law. We have a schedule which we see her, our son and grandson .
We chat sparingly on WhatsApp in the family chat
However she loves my son. They are good together . That is the most important thing to me.
Also that I am allowed into their life

My first Mil was wonderful. My second wasn't interested in having a relationship. My two Dils are good mothers to my grandchildren but relationship-wise I just wear a plastic smile and keep quiet. They are good husbands and are happy so that makes me happy.

My own father died relatively young at 66. My FIL died at 93. I loved him very much -a really kind man. He treated me like a daughter. My MIL was an alcoholic and difficult but lovely when sober! Over 35 years I got to know them both well and miss them. I am
Lucky in that I get on with my sister in law too and both brothers in law. I am lucky to have her as my own sister is somewhat distant and cold. The nephews and nieces are great too. Sadly I am not relying on anyone to look after me in my old age as am
A realist but am grateful for the support I have.

My son’s wife was a nightmare - I tried really hard to like her for my son’s sake but she wouldn’t even try to be pleasant. They moved to Scotland and our visits were deeply upsetting, even traumatic, we never felt welcome and my son could not very well intervene. To my great delight he realised what I had known for years, and they have now split up. His new partner
is wholly different, she will ring for a chat independently and their home is visibly happy.

I love my SIL and He loves me. He is a fantastic husband to my DD and a wonderful Dad to my DGD. I have a great relationship with him. My DD s MIL loves my daughter although how she treats my SIL drives me mad she isn't kind to him.

So sorry for you. I lost my 2 DGC 3 years ago when the family moved to live in NZ, her home, which she once said she would never return to. If you can, go and visit, FaceTime, do anything to keep in touch. My situation is not good as DIL and I never hit it off, despite me trying, and I never hear from her so subsequently never hear from the wee ones either. It’s a complicated situation as DS currently stuck in Mongolia at work due to COVID. When he did get home pre covid, that’s when he would FaceTime with the wee ones. Am pinning all my hopes on the vaccine and it reaching Mongolia too so DS can get out and hope the NZ regs allow him to travel to and from work again . Then looking to the future they will have their own house and DS will work in NZ too. And then I’ll be on the first plane

The social anthropologists have done research on MIL and DIL relationships and it seems that this is the most fraught of all filial relationships in every society on Earth! It appears that we are, to some extent, victims of our biology. Of course, we can (and should try to) overcome it.

Mine was good with one and poor with the other. The one I had a good relationship with split with Son2 during lockdown, and the one that was poor, Son1’s wife, I’ve since realised was my own fault and we have both worked hard on repairing the relationship. We are chalk and cheese but I’ve come to get used to her reserved character, she’s quiet and calm and she’s smoothed my sons rough edges off and he’s come out to be a much happier young man. Now just hoping Son1 finds someone soon as he emigrated to Canada and now is single and calling every day moping the poor thing.

I've never had one due to not being invited to the wedding and my sons estrangement from me. I've got a great relationship with my SIL who is the son I should have had and more than makes up for it.

Son two moping I mean, I can’t see typing with my gladssez steamed up with my mask

I am so sorry about your loss morethan2.
I love my 2 Dil`s to bits,we have a wonderfull relationship and my Dh thinks the world of them even though he isn`t related to either of them.

My DS has a long term partner and two beautiful children. They are due to get married next year - Covid allowing. She is such as lovely girl and the best thing that ever happened to him. He was married previously when he was very young to the most awful girl. I was sad for him the day he told us they were separating but in side I was oh so happy. I would have hated to have had her as the mother of any GC. My DD is gay and her partner is equally lovely and perfect for my DD. So after a few years of wondering if mine would ever settle down now they both appear to be happy and settled so my job is done. I can now stop worrying about them. Oh - of course there are the GC to worry about - it never stops.

I have a DIL but she is my daughter's partner so I tend to think of her as another daughter! She is terrific and we all get on fine and are raising their own fabulous daughter. Reading some of the thread, I think we're very lucky.

some dil are lovely some arent, there are dynamics involved,their upbringing, personality issues. There are
volumes written on it.My dil was lovely when they got married ,but she descended into being downright nasty,
i suspected mental illness, i was right she had a mental breakdown, my intuition was right.There are many reasons for difficult relations, dare i say even our own behaviour!

I have the best DiL in the world. She is a lovely person who gives 110% to everyone & everything. We get on really well & I love her to bits. My GC are wonderful because their DM is. The best thing is that she loves my DS who totally adores her & she makes him sooo happy. Whats not to love?

I have one DIL and as far as I know, we get along fine. As long as my son is happy, and he clearly adores her, then I can ignore the occasional annoyance. I think she has the same approach to me.