Dilemma

I really don’t think you should be worrying about this. There’s absolutely nothing you can do, except be there if your friend wants you to. Maybe you feel you should be doing something, but really, it’s not for you to get involved. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh.

My maternal grandparents would have nothing to do with me because I was adopted and illegitimate. Different times but I feel for other children treated in this way.

I wonder if the child is shy and the granma always wants to be cuddling/cuddled. I’ve seen this happen and a granma be persistent. Instead of creating an emotional and physical closeness, it can make a child (or a person) very resistant and seem cold, when all the child wants is for boundaries to be respected. My own MIL was guilty of insisting that the children sat on her knee for the duration of her visit. They just didn’t want to and she would get very cross with them (and me). Your friend needs to be consistently kind but not pushy with this child. A mature lady should have the nous to build a gentle friendship but not be forceful which can be off putting at any age.

espee. I’m shocked by your comment.

I think Feelingmyage55 is probably right. In my experience, grandparents are more likely to find a relationship difficult with a child that doesn't conform to their wants or expectations. Maybe it's accepting that this child isn't cuddly like the others? That's okay. Maybe they are less likely to conform and question things? That's okay too. Maybe they remind GM of someone else in the family GM isn't so keen on? That needs to be put aside because they are not that person. Maybe they like to be alone and GM feels rejected when they want a child who will dote on them?

All these examples, the root of the problem is that the GM isn't accepting the child as the individual they are. The child isn't meeting GM's needs or wants, so GM feels upset about that.

This child is 12. At 12 I don't think I was the most warm person either. No-one knew but I was going through a lot at that age. Love and acceptance was just what I needed. A GM who loved all my siblings and cousins and had nothing to do with me would have just reinforced every negative thought I had about myself.

Besides that, exclusion is generally considered bullying.

sodapop I’m sad to read your post. That must have been tough for you?

Thanks Grannynannywanny I have to say it didn't impact greatly on me at the time, my parents handled things very well, a fact I didn't appreciate until I was older.
It's a shame I have no memories of them at all but I was lucky in many other ways.