Fear for for grandsons prospects

I worried about my sons, who also showed no interest in hard work. They appeared to be glued to computer games, for most of the time, through their teenage years.

Now, they both have interesting, highly paid careers - in animation!

DGS did not work at school, never did homework and was always in detention - he argued that the detention was less trouble than the homework! I had some admiration for his logic!

Left school with a couple of bits of paper and went to college to do what he really wanted to do all along - he's top of the class and greatly admired by all.

And he always was a dear boy.

When I was teaching I often found that the bright boys were less inclined to work than the mediocre girls. Probably its to do with the way that children develop.

It's frustrating when you know they're able but lazy. However, there are opportunities to improve your education and qualifications in both academic and practical fields throughout life. Your GS may find a purpose for doing this as he matures.

Do you feel you should have been ‘involved in his upbringing’?
As others have said, 13 is a bit young to categorise him, and it’s really up to his parents to deal with it if they feel there’s a problem. I’d just be there as a listening ear if required.

I know what you all mean but I had to step back & watch his dad end up with a rubbish job & having two unplanned pregnancy's was a father at 22 now separated (6 years) which I don't want to point that out to him obviously & has always had a chip on his shoulder tbh. He even admits that being near the mother's family hasn't done him any good so again I've alway known that & kept sthum so it's been a long & painful road & has caused my two sons to fall out many times anway that's a tiny bit of background. Also I'm not sure that he's that clever anyway so at best he would still have to work very hard

He probably hasn't found out yet what really interests him - as soon as he finds something he's passionate about he may well become absorbed and work towards that.

He might 'wake up' soon. It's so difficult at the moment working online at home away from friends and classmates.

his 13 year old is lazy has no interest in working hard & expects hel get everything in life that he wants
Perhaps he needs to learn that he can't have just what he wants
without putting in some effort. My DGC have to do some jobs to earn extra pocket money eg wash up, feed the animals, empty bins etc.

Yeh well that's our secret plan for him (work in progress). if my ex was retired (not for another 17 months) would be just what he needs because quite frankly I really can't cope as I suffer severe depression all my life & tbh I was just grateful he had his mother's family cos me & my ex had just split up so I will always be eternally grateful you got to be honest about these things & everybody should be proud of their part but I'm just tired thinking of ANOTHER long journey!!!! Thanks guys for listening( years of unburdening)

Sorry its me again just to say I did discuss talking to you all with my son & he was just grateful as I said its all anonymous & you get great advice so he was fine with it xxx

you can't live someone else's life for them.
however much you care and want to intervene to help.
it just won't work and may repel them, into going further astray. best to offer general support.
sorry you feel so agonised over this, but is it really your responsibility.

Sometimes in families one child is seen as a problem child and regarded as the main problem when really there is much more to it. It sounds as if your son has had a difficult time and children do pick up on things like that. I'd adopt a praise the good and ignore the bad approach. But at 13 he may be wise to that. Give him a hug anyway. They pretend they hate it but it never does any harm.

I have a thirteen year old grandson and he can be a bit of a nightmare but so was his dad. He now runs a successful company and. Lives a very charmed life due to hard work don’t worry it will work out.

There's no advice that I haven't already given myself but thanks anyway

autumnsun DH used to say to me when I was anxious about DC:
"You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink"
It may be a cliché but it's true.

Yes, praise the positives and if he wants some new device or game etc then encourage him to earn his pocket money to put towards it.