Disrespectful grandchildren

So true.

Sounds like a typical teenager to me. Majority of teenagers go through this. Her hormones are out of control at that age. She will settle down eventually.

Oh 13. A horrible age for many reasons!
It's even worse with everyone in lockdown- many of my friends with school aged kids have said that during the first lockdown, they all seemed enthusiastic about home schooling, but this time around , for most , to get schoolwork done, it's like extracting teeth!
I think that many of the kids can really see no point in completing any set work - if they don't, at the moment there is no come back from teachers.
At 13, you don't look to the future, it's all what is happening now and unless you sit her down and quietly explain that her attitude is not only unacceptable but hurtful to both yourself and her mum, she will just carry on. Just be prepared to get "I don't care" or worse and probably a major tantrum.
Please try and get her to go out with you for walks or set her tasks to do in the garden on dry days - time to plant seeds for many plants or maybe create something to go outside just to give her a break from schoolwork or can you arrange a zoom party with her friends or excercise class off BBC/ Youtube ?

Like many of you I feel sorry for the child- stuck at home with a disapproving grandmother and her mum. What a nightmare for her- Not even a sibling to sympathise and talk to. No wonder she resorts to her phone and her friends - forget yourselves and put her in the centre- she is the future- stop the judgement and get to know her so that you can understand more - she will never comply with manners and rules unless there is a good relationship in the family.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have a 13 year old granddaughter who does not speak to anyone like this, she spends more time on her phone than maybe she should but these are tough times even so she is well mannered, I don’t think her parents would put up with anything less and using the current situation really is no excuse

What happens to make her call names to the mother and grandmother? Action-reaction.

"Wouldn't life be so much nicer if teenagers were good, caring, thoughtful, respectful.....? "

Let's say - wouldnt life be so much nicer if mothers were good, caring, thoughtful, respectful .... without imposing their uneducated unrealistic expectations in life?
Yes, I bet it would

If grandmothers, not mothers

I agree about giving her no reaction, she's a typical 13 yo, she'll grow up.

DGC????

Sadly typical 13 year old girl behaviour.

Very easy to judge Mum and consequences, but this is such a tough situation for everyone and lockdown plus puberty must be a nightmare !

Horrible for you though and very different to how we were brought up !

Gosh SheilaSue, that's awful, I'm so sorry

This thread reminded me of this too

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jil6Or1Mtbc

the funniest episode was Kevin washes the car

stjohngirl, it's bad enough suffering your own children being teenagers, so hats off to you living with grandchildren taking it out on you aswell she'll emerge out the other end at some point

Be neutral much as it upsets you is the safest way around this.

In the animal world this sort of behaviour happens all the time with the young challenging the mature. I think humans are just the same but don't expect it because we consider ourselves to be too civilised.
I was the most biddable child, too terrified to say boo to a goose but I remember going through a period of time where I swore at one of the house staff at boarding school, gave her a piece of my mind on more than one occasion and actually got into a wrestling match with a chocolate cake much to the astonishment to anybody who knew me. It didn't last very long and although I was never quite as biddable again, I was a lot easier to deal with.
All my children have been through the same thing and they've all turned out ok. Shouting at them just escalated the situation and if cornered, they felt obliged to defend themselves. The next few years are when I think children need their parents most to keep a watchful eye and be there to talk to when they are feeling at their most vulnerable. If you build up too much of an enemy situation, you deny them that communication advantage.

My D is fostering 3 of my GD's children and has had a couple of " set-to's " over laziness and untidyness with twin teens ( 15 this year ) and a soon to be 12 year old.
She's like a sergeant major but it works ! No games.

Just a typical teenager . Full of raging hormones and who thinks the world is against them . You just have to ride it out .

grandtanteJE65
Totally agree with you children get away with far to much these days!

Someone told me once the definition of a teenage girl is "someone who doesn't want you but needs you"
Good luck

Yes it's a horrible time but have some respect i wouldn't do anything for her

Well, I apologise if I sounded rude, but you are doing children no favours by allowing them to be difficult just because they are teenagers and there is a pandemic.

The adult world does not tolerate this kind of behaviour, and the whole point of raising children is to teach them to cope with the world they live in.

I was a terrible teenager (as my mother frequently reminded me in later years!). I disagreed with most people and told them so. I wasn't brought up badly. My parents were as strict as most others. It didn't stop me arguing with them. I didn't of course have a mobile phone, my escape came in the form of books. When I was offended I escaped to my bedroom with one. I remember not being able sometimes to stop my behaviour. It was years before I realised it was linked to my hormonal cycle. If I were you I'd keep a diary and try to work out your DGDs menstrual cycle. You may find there are certain times of the month when she is more difficult and argumentative. If that is the case perhaps you can tackle the matter better when she is in the right mood.

Who pays for her phone? Take it off her for a set time.if she does her school work she can have it back

Have a family meeting. Agree responsibilities (list them before hand and each of you choose - discuss those that ste less desirable, make sure its fair and dont make the choice for her). When responsibilities are done her time is her own, dont spoil it with nagging. She needs to feel she has some control her own life and is respected. She also has to notice it works both ways. If she uses an inappropriate tone then dont 'hear' her or respond. Try to connect. Start an in house book group. That worked for me and my grandson. He thought it was silly, cooperated to humour me and found he really enjoyed it.

Goodness grandtante that was extremely harsh... No doubt it isnt easy living with your Daughter and Grandchild either but not ideal for them either I expect...

Hormones are all over the place so the pandemic is a double whammy.
Missing their friends ,stuck at home 24/7 with Mum and Nan .It really is a difficult time for us all...

Paddyanne, I agree the being on the phone all the time and being unwilling to help is normal 13yr old behaviour, but not calling your mother nasty names. When my daughter was that age she'd have got a slap (fortunately I didn't have the name calling problem with her), but nowadays I think I'd definitely not do anything for that child or speak to her until I'd had an apology. Of course it goes both ways, if the mother badmouths the daughter then it kind of makes sense.