Do you give up with a friend who doesn’t contact you first?

I’m the one that does the telephone calls in most of my friendships and also my family. Just now and again I wish someone would ring me.

Back again. Something strange happened on this thread . When I wrote my last comment there were a few posts, now I see I had missed a couple of pages .I do appreciate the different takes on this issue.(;though not sure of the accusation of being childish). I agree with those who have suggested that some people who live alone are wary of intruding into someone’s home life , especially if their relationship with their partner has been very close. It’s interesting how many of us feel so insecure , from both sides of the situation.

Atqui
I agree, we all seem very wary about making the first move. Even my oldest daughter, who I haven’t seen often this year, I tend to avoid ringing. I always think it’s probably supper time, or one of the children needs her attention.
I think we’re scared of seeming needy, but it’s good to know I’m not the only one.

I phone my 88 year old friend every Saturday for about one and a half hours. IShe just talks about herself but I know that if I don't phone her she won't speak to anyone all day. Better to be kind than not.

It’s not a perfect solution but my friend and I WhatsApp and agree a time and day when we’ll talk on the phone. That way we’re both prepared and know we’re not intruding on each other. Cup of tea in hand, comfy chair, OH out of the way - perfect. A good hours natter improves my mood immensely.

Granny62. I'm one of those who was rarely allowed to use the house phone I was often sent to the phone box, seemed a little extreme but there we are. I hate talking on the phone now, although I don't know why. If I do it's as a last resort.

I ring people quite often but if they never ring themselves I just let it go eventually because I tend to think they don’t want to bother. I am guilty myself of this, sometimes life just gets in the way and you realise it has been weeks and weeks and then you feel a bit guilty when you finally get round to it.

I must admit I have 'given up' on a friend who rarely contacts me. It was always me who rang her and recently when I tried to arrange a walk she made excuses so that I felt perhaps I should take the hint. I still have her Christmas card and gift, but I don't want her to feel bad so I haven't sent them. She had a very different childhood to mine and I have known her since we were both 19. I have always found her rather fascinating, but I have wondered at times whether she finds me rather annoying! Maybe not, but she lost her job in the pandemic and is obviously dealing with a lot right now. I think perhaps she'd prefer to be left alone...

I hate speaking to people on the phone. I prefer to keep in touch by text message. My friends and family know this , so just tent me . My 80 year old aunt can’t text so she phones me , sometimes I answer sometimes I don’t . She is never upset with me if I don’t answer as she realises life can get busy . I try to send her flowers every 8 weeks or so to let her know that I’m thinking about her . She is the last of her generation in our family and I love her very much .

I am guilty of not contacting friends often enough, the days just seem to whizz by. It isn’t that I don’t want to, I just don’t get round to it. My everyday life seems to get in the way, perhaps I am not organised enough. It has also been a very difficult few years and I don’t want to appear to be all doom and gloom when I do speak to my long lost friends. Maybe my overthinking is the problem, I always enjoy it when people ring me, I really must reciprocate.

No don't give up on them. They might really need you and your ear. Not everyone can reach out to others first as they feel silly or embarrassed (like me)