I Feel Terrible

One of my children had breath holding tantrums to the point of passing out, the first time I thought he’d died, and it was so terrifying that I’d go to great lengths to avoid it.
One day, just chatting to my doctor, I brought it up, oh he just wants attention, he said, shut him in another room. He then took to launching himself against the door, but at least he wasn’t holding his breath, eventually I was brave enough to totally ignore him, and it fizzled out.

Very difficult situation but they say try to find lots of ways to praise the child to get them out of their bad behaviour and children really do want to please, if they can, most of the time, they really do not know how to behave.

So you wont be needed anymore !! Enjoy your freedom!!! They will need you before you need them. It wont take long!!
Enjoy!!!

how things have changed at one time the grandma would have slapped the child, wouldnt happen now, ,, shock,,, horror

The problem at hand is you have been banned from watching your grandchildren. Power play. So don't let your daughter know it upsets you. Just make plans to visit them instead. It will be easier on you anyway. More enjoyable.

I’m sorry to say it but no wonder your granddaughter is behaving like a spoiled brat if she gets away with this behaviour this young I dread to think what she will be like as a teenager
And I can’t see her getting away with this behaviour in school, she has to learn boundaries and it doesn’t sound as if she’s getting any from her parents
Sorry if I sound hard but your house your rules, in my opinion I think your daughter is overreacting
I have looked after all 7 of my beautiful grandkids and I’ve rarely had to shout at any of them but if I did their mother’s would have told them they must have done something to deserve it

My mother had my permission to be extremely firm with my children if they stepped out of line whilst under her supervision. They usually were better behaved in her home though, rather than their own. My eldest could be a madam at times and thought she could have the upper hand always but never with my mother. My young nephew on the other hand is like a little dictator at 5 years of age, his parents are as soft as tripe with him as his mother was almost 40 when he arrived. He thinks he can behave exactly the same in my mother’s home, but at over 80 years of age, she refuses to put up with his nonsense. He kicked her when she refused to allow him his programme on the tv ( after he snatched the remote and just switched channels) whilst she was watching something, so the tv got switched off and he had no screen time at all in her house. He threw a tantrum but she didn’t rise to it, just ignored him. Parents these days are far too soft on youngsters in my opinion. If adult children expect grandparents to look after youngsters they should accept that grandparents house means grandparents rules.

Sara1954

I think your daughter is cutting off her nose to spite her face, I bet you cuddled her afterwards, and she’s probably forgotten all about it.

To shout at a child and then cuddle them straight after sends mixed signals, confuses the child and negates the reprimand. The child learns that if she behaves badly, she’ll still get a cuddle and therefore will continue to behave badly. If you want the child to change her behaviour, your chastisement has to be serious, not softened by a smile or hug. If you doubt me, read some material on child psychology.

The only times I have yelled at a GC was when he/she had done something dangerous, like the time when GD1 rode her big out of a junction without stopping to look. She was very penitent. Now she is grown-up and an excellent driver!

big BIKE!

I love the sound of your Mum. She’s ‘old school’ discipline, without being ‘handsy’ — perfect way to deal with a child who is misbehaving.

SecondhandRose

Perhaps she needs to be told you only want good girls as visitors not ones that make you unhappy . She is old enough to know better and old enough to manipulate

So your answer is to manipulate a child?

Really?

Hithere

Locked in a cupboard, spanked for compliance- some people should never be in charge of children- ever.

Absolutely agree

I’m so disheartened by the attitude to today’s parents/children.

And yes yorki many of these comments are extremely nasty to OPs daughter and granddaughter. All they serve to do is either upset her, or whip her up about how she was wronged. Certainly encouraging her to think her daughter is a terrible parent will do nothing to help the family get past this.

"Locked in a cupboard"!!! Seriously?

OldEnough2noBetter
I don’t doubt you, you are obviously better informed than I.
But it would be a hard parent indeed, who after the tears had stopped, and calm was restored didn’t give their little child a cuddle.

Sara 1954, OldEnough2noBetter when I'd had to tell my daughter off as a child I always made a point of making up at bedtime, if not before.

I'd apologise for being cross and she'd apologise for whatever it was she'd done. We'd have a hug and a kiss and she'd settle down to sleep.

As a child I frequently used to be sent to bed "in the doghouse" and it was a miserable experience, not something I was prepared to put my children through.

V3ra
Yes, same with me.
I don’t think BeautyBumble was out of line, I have shouted at my own children and grandchildren, but you get to the stage when they’re all tear stained, and taking shaky little breaths, and they’re sorry, and clambering for a cuddle. Sorry, but I couldn’t turn my back on them.
I agree as they get older, you can be a bit tougher, and bedtime is a good time for a chat and a cuddle, I could never send them to bed without making up.

Thank you to the kind people who understood. Shouting is definitely not my usual style, but on this particular day the screaming did get the better of me. I've felt so bad about it since. I'm really hurt that some of you saw fit to insult my GD and my DD in that way. I will not be able to post on here again. Such a shame. All is well again with them and I now but those comments were brutal.

You need to show them a line and make sure they know not to cross it! My youngest daughter can’t understand why her kids take more notice of me than her. It’s because they know I mean business!

beautybumble

Thank you to the kind people who understood. Shouting is definitely not my usual style, but on this particular day the screaming did get the better of me. I've felt so bad about it since. I'm really hurt that some of you saw fit to insult my GD and my DD in that way. I will not be able to post on here again. Such a shame. All is well again with them and I now but those comments were brutal.

I’m so sorry people were so nasty
I wish you luck going forward

BeautyBumble
Sorry you are feeling upset. From what you’ve told us, your daughter does seem to have acted in haste, and your granddaughter did try your patience.

Obviously there’s a lot more to it than that, my two year old granddaughter thinks the world revolves around her, but she’s also very funny and loving, and I would hate for anyone to call her a brat, I don’t blame you for feeling defensive.

Hope you can sort things out, I’m sure you will
Good luck

You sounds like a lovely lady who cares deeply for her grandkids.
Your daughter not so much !
Why do children expect “perfection “ from their parents and not from their children ?
It’s a strange world

Maybe your GD is like that because your daughter is too soft with her.

I would have shouted at my GD too had she done that!!!! I am sorry but i do not agree with namby pamby parenting as this is what you get. It wont be a popular opinion but hey, I am not saying we should smack but for goodness sake take charge in a non violent way