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am I being unreasonable

(109 Posts)
frue Thu 11-Feb-21 11:46:03

My 78 year old husband has arranged to visit and stay with our son and his family because it is half term. They live an hour and a half away. I have refused to go as I don't think it is in the spirit of Stay Home as although we are in their bubble they do not need childcare. Feel like a spoil sport and uncomfortable. Feel I might be I'm hurting their feelings as no response to my e mail explaining why I'm not going. Ouch

timetogo2016 Thu 11-Feb-21 11:52:04

UANBU,it`s too far and if you are stopped by the police you will be fined.
Which you should explain to your family.

grandmajet Thu 11-Feb-21 11:53:39

I think you are right. It is too far and if you’re not needed for childcare, are you really ‘bubbled’ with them?
What a difficult situation for you.

BlueBelle Thu 11-Feb-21 11:53:39

If the kids are at school and you say half term so presumably they are then I think you are doing the right thing and your husband is being a bit daft
I m in a bubble with my daughter and two teen grandkids who live nearby, although I feel ok to go (my daughter is NHS so tests twice a week and my grandson is away working at the moment ) but my granddaughter got really upset and asked me not to go to their house as she works weekends and is terrified she might pass something on to me Of course I did exactly what she is comfortable with and haven’t been since Christmas Dinner, it’s unfair to put that guilt on her shoulders if I was to catch anything

keepingquiet Thu 11-Feb-21 12:17:00

Bubbles only apply to single people or those needing child care. Neither applies in this case so you are right, you should not go. Your husband is putting himself at risk, even if he has had his first dose. Only several weeks after a second dose will he have good immunity but may also still catch it and become unwell.
You are right. Stand your ground.

Mapleleaf Thu 11-Feb-21 12:46:32

You are right, frue. I agree with Keepingquiet, so stand your ground. Does your DH plan to go without you? It sounds quite risky to me, plus he shouldn’t really be going under the present rules.

Riverwalk Thu 11-Feb-21 12:49:29

How are you in their Bubble - you don't live alone and don't provide their childcare?

NellG Thu 11-Feb-21 12:51:36

No, you are not being unreasonable - but your husband is. I'll add to the voices that have already clarified the legalities and guidance.

Stand firm.

Jane43 Thu 11-Feb-21 13:06:48

Like keepingquiet I thought being in a support bubble only applied to a single person joining one other household. I also thought support bubbles had to be people living locally to each other. So I agree with you and would also not go but it will be hard if your DH doesn’t support you. We are around the same age as you (77) and although we are in good health, apart from one dog walk each a day, we have chosen to only go out once a week for food shopping. The only contact we have had with family members since Christmas Day has been phone calls, texts and FaceTime. I think it is up to us all to stay within the rules and not have our own interpretation of them.

Whenever I feel fed up about the current situation I keep thinking back to World War Two when my father was in the army for years and my mother had to cope with a small child, being pregnant with me and food rationing. Her own family and my father’s family lived over a hundred miles away so she had to rely on friends and neighbours. Thankfully she lived in a relatively rural area and didn't have the added terror of air raids to live with. This helps me to keep things in perspective.

Lucca Thu 11-Feb-21 13:58:08

Childcare bubbles now can be a couple

Maggiemaybe Thu 11-Feb-21 14:00:37

There are lots of incorrect statements and “clarifications” on this thread.

You don’t have to be part of a single household to form a support bubble, you don’t have to live close to your support bubble (though it is advised), you don’t have to be needed for childcare to be part of a support bubble. All the legalities and guidance are set out on

We don’t know from what we’ve been told if the OP’s circumstances meet the requirements for forming a support bubble, so none of us can judge on that front.

Assuming the support bubble is legal though, the question is whether frue is being reasonable in thinking that travelling over to her family is not in the spirit of the guidance. I’d say that if you don’t feel your family really need the support you’d give them by going, then yes, frue, you’re right.

Maggiemaybe Thu 11-Feb-21 14:02:00

suziewoozie Thu 11-Feb-21 14:34:37

If the son has a wife/partner then surely there is no possibility of a support bubble? The OP says it’s not a question of a childcare bubble. OP your son and your DH are being irresponsible. Ring your son and give him a good telling off. Tell him and your DH that if DH goes for half term, he can stay there until all lockdown restrictions are ceased and then you’ll consider if you are prepared to have someone so selfish back in your life.

AGAA4 Thu 11-Feb-21 15:14:20

Your husband and your son are being irresponsible and not abiding by 'what I should do' advice. The trip seems to be for purely social reasons and is selfish.

Maggiemaybe Thu 11-Feb-21 15:17:56

^ If the son has a wife/partner then surely there is no possibility of a support bubble?^

There is, though. I posted a link to the guidance just above your post.

Maggiemaybe Thu 11-Feb-21 15:23:49

If, for example, the other household includes a child under one, or a child under five with disabilities, they can form a support bubble with a second household of any size. They would be allowed a childcare bubble in addition.

suziewoozie Thu 11-Feb-21 15:56:17

The OP needs to tell us more- it’s silly to keep speculating. When people use the word bubble they should say what they mean.

Tangerine Thu 11-Feb-21 15:59:35

I think you are in the right.

welbeck Thu 11-Feb-21 17:29:31

this is tantamount to going on holiday, which is forbidden.
your husband could be stopped by the police and turned around and possibly fined.
just say no.
hold the line OP.

Daisymae Thu 11-Feb-21 17:30:11

The OP has said that they are not needed for childcare. It seems like a holiday! Which of course is against the law as we all know at the moment. In any case this is really against the spirit of lockdown and really does seem to be unnecessary travel.

Atqui Thu 11-Feb-21 20:52:52

If you are in a childcare bubble , you are not supposed to use this to mix socially with the parents ,only to care for child/ren when parents are working.

Floradora9 Thu 11-Feb-21 21:11:18

Tell your DH about the £600 fine that are being charged for rule breaking . You are not supposed to visit .

Juicylucy Fri 12-Feb-21 10:33:52

Agree with others it’s not essential travel and if you read gov guidelines it clearly states you must stay in your own vicinity city or town.

Suzey Fri 12-Feb-21 10:38:13

Why even ask? You're not going... decision made

Nannan2 Fri 12-Feb-21 10:40:41

And no its not half term yet anyway, not in England at kids are expected to be still online for studies.And no you are not being unreasonable but your hubby is.Lets hope he doesn't get a fine eh?🤔