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Do you ever wish you'd had more/fewer children?

(76 Posts)
Sunshinemum12 Fri 19-Feb-21 20:56:40

Hi there
Apologies in advance as I'm aware this is a forum for grandparents but as a new mum I would really appreciate any insights/life experience you're able to share regarding raising children. Our DD who we adore is almost 1 and DH and I are not sure if we can manage a second child though also feel unsure (for her sake) about stopping at one. A bit of background, we live in the UK but both of our families live overseas, DH and I both have siblings but we aren't overly close to them,DH usually travels for work(the past year has been a blessing in that sense) works around the clock so is usually away for most of the time, I currently work FT but would work PT if we had another. I'm 36,DH is 44. I've found the past year challenging but not sure If it gets easier or harder as they grow??! Wish I had a crystal ball!
If you had one child (by choice) do you wish you'd had another, in hindsight or are you glad you stuck with one? Many thanks in advance

Calendargirl Fri 19-Feb-21 20:58:32

I have two, a boy and a girl.

Perfect for me.

Personally, would have been very disappointed if I had only had one.

MissAdventure Fri 19-Feb-21 21:00:43

I had just one, and knew it was right for me.
She said she enjoyed being just the one, too.

Anniebach Fri 19-Feb-21 21:01:35

We wanted four children , were blessed with two, third born dead and husband died shortly after

grandmajet Fri 19-Feb-21 21:05:18

Oh Anniebach, I am sorry.
We had four. I adore them all. Four was enough!

GagaJo Fri 19-Feb-21 21:05:38

I only had one. Didn't want more. But for my daughters sake, I would like her to have had a sibling. We are a small family and once I am gone, it will just be her.

But I didn't want to raise more children so...

Would LOVE more grandchildren though.

Ladyleftfieldlover Fri 19-Feb-21 21:07:37

I have a daughter and two sons. My daughter and elder son share a birthday (two years apart). They also share it with their great grandmother. Three is a good number, my son and his partner have a daughter and won’t have any more.

Marmight Fri 19-Feb-21 21:08:39

As an only child, I’d say have another - for many reasons! I had 3 , all girls. Wouldn’t change them for the World.

Grandma70s Fri 19-Feb-21 21:10:37

I have two children, both boys. I’d have had another if I could have guaranteed it would be a girl. Otherwise, two seems the ideal number for me. I have a brother, and couldn’t imagine being an only child. On the other hand, the only children I know seem perfectly normal - so I think it probably doesn’t matter much either way.

At one point, I felt tempted to have more children just to see what they would be like. Probably not a good reason.

grandMattie Fri 19-Feb-21 21:10:44

I’ve got three - two sons and one daughter.
From the time I was knee high to a grasshopper, I wanted eight. Not realistic, no regrets on my three.
Got three GCs. Would like a football team, but no chance.

Grannybags Fri 19-Feb-21 21:12:54

I have two sons both in their forties - it definitely doesn't get any easier as they get older! Just different worries

glammanana Fri 19-Feb-21 21:21:35

I also have three one daughter and two sons I would have loved another baby but it was not to be.

Nannarose Fri 19-Feb-21 21:28:17

I think that you can over-think this. If you go with what feels right to you now and take a positive attitude, then it will be right.
Families come in so many shapes and sizes, and what makes them happy & fulfilled (IMHO) is love and a shared sense of purpose.

Nannytopsy Fri 19-Feb-21 21:28:39

We have one of each. They are close in age (17 months) which meant they grew up together. I would have loved more but it made sense to stop at two. Our overdraft was big enough with two!! 😳

tanith Fri 19-Feb-21 21:46:16

I have 3 two girls and a son. I wouldn't of had just one but you have to do what's best for you. I was very happy with three my girls have 3 and 4 and my son 2 which is lovely.

geekesse Fri 19-Feb-21 21:47:39

I had 6.

After one child, you are still a couple with a baby. People still invite you to stay for the weekend.
After two, you are a family. People stop inviting you to stay for a weekend.
After three, you are a medium sized family, and it’s too much hassle to go away for a weekend.
After four, you are a big family and since all their friends chill in your house, you can’t get away for a weekend.
After five, you are overpopulating the globe and no one wants you to visit, ever.
After six, you are clearly insane, and you forget what a weekend is.

Grandma11 Fri 19-Feb-21 21:48:37

I was an only Child myself and hated it to a point that I was determined that I would not raise an 'Only Child' myself. I gave Birth to three daughters from my First Marriage, who grew up to be very close and loving sisters. Sadly the Middle one passed away from Cancer aged 36, after a two year battle, supported and cared for by her sisters. When I met my 2nd Husband, he only had one Son, and really wanted to try for a daughter of his own, so we Had daughter number 4, with an 11year age gap from her older siblings. He was every bit a doting Dad at 47yrs old, and we thought that our family was now complete. The following year we all went off on a nice Spanish Holiday, but I returned not feeling well, and visited my GP. 'Spanish Tum' was the verdict, and being as I had a Contraceptive Coil fitted, the question of Pregnancy was never raised. The sickness finally went away, I returned to work, but noticed that my work uniform was getting rather tight and the popper fastening would come open if I bent over forwards, and I felt rather boated! I was 16 weeks Pregnant by the time I realised that DD5 was on her way, and had to have my Coil removed in Theatre as it had dropped down low into my Cervix resulting in the Pregnancy, and being as it contained Copper, it needed to be removed for the Baby's sake.
Thankfully the procedure went well and she survived it, arriving at Christmas, weighing a healthy 7lb 15oz, she's In her late 20s now with 3 children of her own, but having my big family was one of the best things that I ever did.

LauraNorder Fri 19-Feb-21 21:51:34

We have four sons and, like everyone else, feel that’s what we always wanted. I wouldn’t change a thing but now is a different time in history, life is quite different, whether we would make the same choices in today’s world I can’t say.
Only you can know if another child will change your life for the better.

paddyanne Fri 19-Feb-21 21:54:02

We have two who lived ,one who died at 4 days old and 6 miscarriages .We'd have loved more but were advised not to try again after our son was born 3 months early .Theres 10 years between my two and they are and always have been very close ,they go on holiday with their families ,spend weekends at each others homes and speak or msg most days .
He's GodF to her eldest and was 15 when his nephew was born so Nephew and pals love to hang out with Uncle and his pals.
I'd have loved at least one more but instead i got GC who i helped look after from they were babies and we have a lovely relationship with all the GC now even during lockdown

crazyH Fri 19-Feb-21 21:54:05

Don’t let anybody tell you it gets easier.....BUT I would never have stopped at one. Two kids, was my ideal family, and I had the ideal, first a girl and then a boy. Five years later we had an unplanned pregnancy ..... but what a joy he has turned out to be. It was tough as they got older...nursery, school runs and everything that goes with having children.
Like you, I had no family around but managed to have paid help occasionally. Besides, I didn’t go out to work, so it was not too bad.
I do not, for one second regret having 3 children, but what I do regret is, not carving out a career for myself. I was a lecturer before my marriage
I became a stay at home mum, planning the next “coffee morning” (that’s what they called it those days , now it’s called “play dates”) with similarly positioned friends.
Fast forward 40+ years - children have families of their own, who luckily live near me. My grandchildren bring me great joy.
Everyone is different, circumstances are different. So you and your DH should give a lot of thought. Good luck !!

Galaxy Fri 19-Feb-21 21:54:14

I have two. I lost a child in between my oldest and youngest. So I always feel I should have had 3. Its ridiculous really.

LauraNorder Fri 19-Feb-21 21:54:26

geekesse, you’re not wrong smile

Jaxjacky Fri 19-Feb-21 21:55:00

I had two, a girl, then a boy, 5 years apart with ex husband, they’re very close and I’m pleased I two, just right.

LauraNorder Fri 19-Feb-21 21:56:47

flowers for those of you who have tragically lost children.

GrannyRose15 Fri 19-Feb-21 21:59:45

I come from a big family of girls, DH spent most of his life as a "only". We both wanted 4 children when we married but my health didn't allow a fourth and we ended up with three - two boys, one girl. It was right for us, but I do occasionally wonder how number 4 would have turned out. She (she is always a she in my mind to even up the numbers) would be all grown up now, possibly with children of her own.

There is no rhyme or reason about how many children you want, or can have. Just do what feels right for you.