Why do Grandparents not bother with Grandson

icanhandthemback

^I’ve invited them to go to the park with their Grandson..they refused.^

Haven't we been in lockdown for a year? Maybe they don't want to take any risk. My stepfather has health anxiety and he wouldn't be taking any chances even after vaccination and lockdown easing. Communicating with a 3 year old on Zoom or phone is often a thankless process so maybe in makes them avoid that.
I'd let your husband intervene when lockdown is over and they are allowed contact.

Is that even allowed? And what is the distance involved?
If you are in a bubble with your parents perhaps they feel rather left out and don't want to be pushy.

I have not seen my grandchildren except on Christmas Day, we've certainly not been to any parks.

If you're posting photos on Facebook you can select who sees those images. If you are using the fb app, before you hit the post button, take a look at the 'friends' button just under your name, press that and there will be a list of options - you can choose 'everyone except ....' and then just deselect the names of the people you don't want to see it. Sometimes I do this if I want to post an image to just a select few people and not the whole of my ' friends' list.

Sorry for your dilemma.....I would just take it slowly and maybe they will come round. In my case it is the opposite ...My daughter sent me a letter (first communication in 12 years) 2 years ago containing a photo of her wedding and a photo of a child who, it said on the back 'This is your grandson, who is nearly 3'....no address, e mail address, or anything ...I DID trace her and found out where she lives .....and so I send cards at birthdays, Chritmas, etc ...although I have no idea of his birth date ...and my Solicitor tells me I cannot make any provision for him in my Will, or an ISA as I do not a) have his date of birth, and b) his mother;s permission. I have contacted her via FB and LinkedIn, and my messages have been seen, so she is well aware of where I am ....the reason she decided to cut herself off is totally unknown ! The very last message I had from her said ;We are thinking of coming to stay for a holiday (We being her and then boyfriend) (and we lived in Spain) ....so I delightedly replied (she had stayed always, several times a year, when at Uni and working, when I paid the fares, etc) lovely ...let me know the dates, TOTAL blank ....a message some months later saying 'DO NOT contact me again;.......WHY ????? I shall never know ...........so please, if you can, try to mend fences slowly

This seems rather strange! Why would they complain about seeing a photo of your parents with their grandson? Perhaps you could ask them if they would like a photo of them with him, which would obviously mean a meeting.
Have they always been the same or did they used to see your son?
Do they have any other grandchildren?
What is their relationship like with you and your husband apart from this?

I see on here that so many grandparents have problems with their sons' children. Boys/young men just don't seem to 'get it' do they?I am totally envious of my DIL's parents as she is constantly in touch with the, visits them as much as she can, shares daily calls, photos and takes our granddaughter to visit regularly
She never calls me, sends the odd photo and they have never been to visit (yet)
BUT I GET IT!
She wants the support of her Mum (I am a comparative stranger) and Dad (who spoils her rotten) and does all sorts of jobs round the house and garden for them. Why wouldn't she love that? I would have loved it when my two were growing up (my parents were 100 miles away and we barely saw them)
Saying all that the relationship you will build with your grandchild will endure all this discomfort even of you see them only every now and then.
A friend of mine only sees her (Australian) grandchildren once a year and they have a wonderful time together. She appreciates the fact that her DIL has her family close by and they are there to help out and support them while they are so far away
Keep it light, stay in touch, be kind and understanding. This is not all about you it is about the future of your grandchild and what is best for them. And that is kind and loving grandparents on both sides, each with different gifts to offer. No child has ever had too many grandparents!

I'd say stop trying so hard. Remember their birthdays, Christmas and other significant dates. Maybe send photos of your boy at intervals. Send an invitation to them if you are having family round (once restrictions have ended) but don't get upset if they say no, or don't attend.

It sounds as if it does have something to do with your DH's relationship with his parents rather than with you so let him tackle it if he wants to.

Let your son enjoy his time with the grandparents who want to spend time with him and don't worry about the others. Not everyone likes young children so maybe they will develop a better relationship with him when he is older. But this can only happen if you haven't closed any doors to them.

I am puzzled. I have seen two of my grandchildren for a short distanced chat at their doorway or ours 4 times in lockdown, once in the Summer for a distanced conversation. We have a very huggy loving relationship and not being able to go near each other was awkward and felt sad. Had we lived a distance away I would only have done it once. Their other grandma who was a regular visitor before Covid though she lives hundreds of miles away, has kept away. Had she visited and photos appeared on social media of her with our grandchildren I wouldn’t have liked it as it would have meant rules were being broken. As it happens my DD caught Covid at Christmas from her 9 year old and is still suffering the after effects.
We’re you asking your in-laws to break lockdown rules and are your parents in your ‘bubble’ KelseyLou?

I can not understand it. I have the opposite a 4 years old granddaughter who I absolutely adore. But there has been practically no contact from my daughter. They would prefer me not to love her. They are jealous my daughter of my love for granddaughter and my son in law for my granddaughter living me. To say its eating me up is a understatement. I will have to resort to being a surrogate grandmother to someone.

I am not understanding your situation as clearly as most others seem to be, so please bear with me whilst I pose a few questions. By the way, my husband and I are paternal grandparents.

1) Have your partner's parents always behaved like this since your son was born?

2) Do both sets of Grandparents live about the same distance from you, or are one set much nearer?

3) Did your partner ask WHY they didn't like to see photos of your son with your parents?

4) Do both sets of Grandparents enjoy general good health, and are there big differences between the ages of your parents and your partners, as age may not only affect peoples health, but their energy levels, their abilities to cope with young children and/or stressful situations. A big difference in age groups can also mean that generational viewpoints come into play, as in your parents could be early 50's and your partners parents in there mid 80's (unlikely I know, but possible, especially if there is quite a big age gap between you and your partner?).

May I now ask some questions please pertaining to what your answers may be to the above 4 questions? I may also make some observations that are not meant in a negative manner, but may give that impression, if so I am apologizing in advance if that is the case.

Re 1) I asked that because I wonder if, and if so, how much the Covid pandemic may have affected your parents-in-law's current behaviour.
I am still shielding because of rather bad health, and even if I wasn't shielding, my husband and I are both strong believers in following the Covid rules because we care a lot about other vunerable people, and therefore trying our best to not pass the Virus to anyone else in case we are asymptomatic, and therefore didn't realise we had the Virus (of course as I am shielding I don't go out, ever, so my last point was hypothetical).
Therefore, we haven't seen our very beloved and adored Granddaughter since last August, and then socially distanced - we are very sad about that, and not seeing her parents of course too. We gave up on facetiming because it just felt so unnatural sitting facing each other through a screen, and our Granddaughter being made to sit talking to us when she (quite rightly) wanted to go and play! Even by text we haven't had very much to tell each other, as nothing happens, most of the last year has been incredibly boring, and quite depressing.

Re 2). Obviously if your parents live much closer it will be much easier for them to see their son, than for your partner's parents to.

Re 3) To me, this is the biggest issue, why they don't want to see their Grandchild with the other Grandparents. Hopefully that has nothing to do with jealousy (anything that makes our Granddaughter happy, makes us happy too - although in the past we have obviously loved it when we could make our Grandchild happy, and God willing we can do so again in the future.
I am wondering if they didn't like the photo of your son with his other Grandparents because it was taken at a time when they shouldn't have been seeing other because of lockdown rules (because last year during the first lockdown, Grandparents were not allowed to see their Grandchildren unless they all lived under the same roof, at that time they could not be used even for childcare!
Pp's have asked if your parents were in a bubble with you, but at that time if a parent lived with someone else, even their spouse and other Grandparent, you were not allowed to make a bubble - bubbles were for a family and a lone elderly Grandparent, or for a single patent with a child/children, and another supporting household. So IF you were breaking any of those rules, I imagine your parents-in-law may have been very upset, I certainly would have been under those circumstances - but I am not saying that that is what happened with you, only that if it was, or if your PiL thought that was what had happened, then that could have been a reasonable reason to be upset.
My last thought on this is, did your PiL actually say it was the PHOTO of your parents with your son that upset them, could they have meant that they never see your son alone (or with you), that they are only invited when your parents are there too, and that they want a chance to be the only Grandparents there, sometimes, so that they cam build a seperate bond? This is why it was important for your partner to ask his parents why they said that, without that information I don't see how we can offer much helpful advice, or how you and your partner can understand your PiL's behaviour, sorry.

Re 4) The question is hopefully self explanatory.

Good luck going forward OP, and if their behaviour is just down to them not being very caring Grandparents, I don't think there is much more you can do, at least your son has one pair of loving Grandparents.

Could be that these paternal g.parents are very anxious about Coronavirus.

A lot of people really seem to have the idea that ANY conctact with anyone else (particularly children) is tantamount to a death sentence. This would also explain their dismay of the photos of your son with his other g.parents.

Think it should be down to your partner, their son, to contact them anbd find out what is upsetting them so much. Hopefully, once they have had both their vaccine doses, they maybe able to relax a little

Far too many people have got themselves into serious problems as they have taken on board so much propoganda that seems to be telling them how dangerous people are!!!