Hope you're all well. I'm sorry to ask and that I sound like a 12 year old but I'm very inexperienced, have nobody to ask and am feeling a bit fragile tonight.
I'm in my forties and a man started messaging me on a chat forum last autumn. I wasn't looking for anything but always reply to polite messages. He lives 3 hours away.
After a few months it was still going on and he asked if I'd be open to a zoom call. I agreed and we had a nice chat. It wasn't awkward at all. We had a laugh. Another two followed at my suggestion but he was keen and they were equally as fine. We agreed it would be nice to meet up when restrictions lift.
The last three weeks though, it's changed and seems more distant. I did ask if he was okay but he didn't really answer. Last week when I asked if he'd like to do another call in two days time he said he couldn't and "maybe on the weekend" which sounded vague and I was a bit surprised so I left the ball in his court.
I haven't been needy or desperate at all and have played it cool as it's best to take these things for what they are and not get over invested. I left it two days before replying a bright and breezy message as I'd been very busy and didn't mention another zoom call. I'm not suggesting it all the time and running around making all the effort with people anymore like I've done in the past.
After three days he's messaged today saying he'd been feeling fed up lately as he's been trying to get back into online dating but not getting any interest which is getting him down.
We're hardly in a relationship as I've not even met him but I had a feeling that was the reason for his cooling off. I'm taking that as he's clearly no longer interested and dropping a hint. He doesn't owe me anything but I feel now he was just killing time with me during lockdown until a 'better' option came along.
I won't pretend I'm not disappointed and a bit hurt on the quiet as we seem very similar. It would have been nice to meet just to see if there was anything there after 6 months. I've been let down by people generally most of my life and he said the same so it's a little bit of a kick in the teeth when he knows I'm genuine.
Please may I ask, how would you play it? Would you carry on as normal messaging, ignoring his comment as if you don't care and see how it plays out? But does that make me look like a mug who's happy to hang round until he finds somebody? Or would you send an "all the best" message and leave him to it?
I'm really stumped at how to reply without sounding like a spoiled brat! It's like it's a bit of a game but I really don't want to play games. I don't want to waste time if there's no point when I could be doing other things. Tbh I've had enough of being messed about by most people but don't want to develop a bad attitude. It's just I don't want to be a dormat anymore and am getting better at spotting the signs sooner. It's how to deal with it in a polite but with boundaries way is the issue!
Thanks for reading and any comments are most welcome.
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