Should I move to be by my daughter

In your place I would be honest with my daughter and tell her that by moving nearer to her you will be giving up friends, your accustomed surroundings and perhaps hobbies as well.

Yes, you might well be gaining the possiblility of seeing more of her, but will this compensate entirely for what you are giving up?

I would hesitate very much to base my future on one person.

She apparently visulizes staying where she is, but is this a certainty?

She feels "she would see more of you as you grow older"
To me that does not sound as if she is volunteering to care for you should you need care later on, nor is she offering you a home with her. Why exactly does she want you nearer?

As you say the distance is not so great that she could not visit more often if she wanted to, so what is going through her mind?

Is she trying to salve her conscience by asking you to move nearer to her?

I think I would stay put for now - you can presumably move later on if you want to.

Don't do it I moved next village (9 minutes walk) from Ddand DGDs don't see them even every week ! Other GM still sees them every Thursday and Sunday ..Luckily we love the new house and village etc anyway glad we moved .But the initial popping over soon stopped

Hi There,

Regardless of the distance, there is no guarantee that your daughter will remain where she is.

When I was younger, I saw my Mum more when I lived further away than when I moved in 3 doors away from her. It is different now because she needs me for her care needs. I think we have to accept our adult children have busy lives and no matter where we live in relation to them, they will have trouble fitting us in.

Don’t do it! 16 miles is nothing. How I wish my family had been so close.
I moved 500 miles to be nearer my daughters. Latterly due to work & family commitments they only managed an annual visit and it was down to me to visit them. I had enough of the M6, M5 and M4 or trailing to airports and stations so I decided to move while I was fit and healthy. I can’t say it’s been easy and although I’m in a lovely village in the Cotswolds near DD1, I’m considering a final move to Devon near DD3. Making a new life is not easy as a lone 70 something. I have a group of new pals nearby, but not one in the village which is a great sadness to me. I’m prepared to start again for the ‘final’ lap knowing I’ll see more of the Devon family who keep open house and are more laid back than the family here. I desperately miss my old life and friends but circumstances change, husbands die, friends do too or move away. You just have to do what feels right at the time but I definitely wouldn’t move 16 miles!!

Nansnet makes some good points. Never say never but keep it on the back burner.

I kind of agree with mumofmadboys. I think your DD is possibly thinking about when you get older, and you may need more help. 16 miles really isn't very far to have visits, and whilst you're still fit and healthy, I'd be inclined to stay put, for now at least. If your daughter works, she probably only has time at weekends for visiting, but then she probably also has other things she wants/needs to do at weekends, so I understand why you may not see her very often, as we all have our own busy lives to lead.

Obviously, as you get older, if you do require regular help from your daughter, then 16 miles would be rather a long way, and it would become a massive burden on your daughter to do this on a regular basis, especially if she works, or simply has her own family to take care of.

I'd hold off for now, as you seem happy with your current home, and social circle. But I wouldn't rule it out for the future.

Another thought is that the cost of moving just 16 miles away will be a huge consideration for you, legal fees and stamp duty run into thousands, if not tens of thousands depending on your budget.

All for 16 miles?

It depends a bit on your age and fitness. Is your DD thinking ahead when you may need more help? If so, it would be good to move when you are still fit enough to make a new circle of friends so when you are older and more restricted you feel at home there. How well do you get on with your DD? Hope you are happy with whatever decision you make.

Sparkling, you say you rarely see your daughter and you think a half hour journey isn't too far. I agree with you.
If you uprooted yourself do you really think contact would be any better? Personally as the distance is so small, I'd stay in familiar surroundings and where you have your friends.

I’d stay put if it was me, partly because she might move anyway sometime later. She is already very close.

If it’s something you want to consider, maybe have a wee look at what’s going on in the village and see about making some friends or getting involved over the next year (Covid permitting of course), that way you know you’ll still have a life outside of just relying on your DD. It would also give you a bit of insight into whether or not you would like it.
I wouldn’t rush into a decision, give yourself some time and have a good think about it before making a big life decision.

I fully agree with what has been said . 16 miles is no distance at all ! You are happy and have a network of friends and neighbours, that is a very value assett! Think long and hard about moving nearer to your daughter. You say she won't be happy if you remain where you are - I wonder why that is?
In your shoes I would pay heed to your niggle and explore what it is telling you.
Good luck and follow your instinct.

I did this a year ago to live by my daughter and her family although I lived an hour and a half away before
I moved as soon as both my husband and I retired, I also downsized as property in her area was much more expensive
We are now within walking distance from her and it’s great that they pop in almost every day, I don’t call around hers unexpectedly very often as she works from home a fair bit, when she questioned why I don’t call in very often I explained that I would prefer her to come to me then I know she has the time to spare rather than me go over and may be intruding.
She is so thankful that I made the move and can help with the children, and I’m so thankful to have them all in my life more
I left a lovely big house and great friends but nothing compares to having your family in your life.

One of my sons lives 16 miles away and we see each other regularly - it really is no distance at all in terms of travel time. In your shoes I would stay put I’m afraid.

I would stay put sparkling, 16 miles is nothing really, you sound as if you are happy where you live, why do you think she won’t be pleased if you stay?

Half an hour is nothing to go see someone. I'd consider that already living very close. If you do move, is there a chance your daughter could decide to move herself in future? How old is your daughter? What is something changes in her life?

I am in a similar position. My daughter lives 45 minutes away and I am tempted to move to her area so I could be there for the grandchildren coming home from school and also because it's a very scenic area. However, I have great networks of friends and activities where I am and friends urge me not to move.
On balance I think you should stay where you are.

Ten years ago I lived 140 miles from my daughter and family. I decided to move to be closer and I actually live *16 miles*from them. It's just perfect. I have many interests and a large circle of friends. I see the family regularly, but we are not in each others pockets. I would not have thought it necessary to move closer than 16 miles to your daughter in order to see each other.

I would stay put. Hate to be blunt, 16 miles is nothing, if she wanted to see you more often she would, if she doesn’t then it could be one mile and nothing changes. You mentioned she won’t be pleased if you stay, that’s concerning.

What a lovely caring DD you have Sparkling.
I would hesitate before moving away from my place to hers though, if I were you.
When My DM came to live next to us (the same house but it is huge) she missed so many things from her former place. Things she didn't know she'd miss, such as the people in the shops didn't know her and she was just my mum.
Many people wouldn't mind that but she did.
16 miles isn't far as the crow flies if you drive or there's a bus and as grannypiper's df discovered, your DD could move. Would you still want to live in that place?

Is it difficult for you to travel to see her? I agree with others, she may move in the future. If you were moving just to be near your daughter it puts a lot of pressure on her to see you maybe more often than she wanted.

Don't move. My poorly friend gave up her life to move closer to her, months later her Daughter moved 200 miles away.

do either of you not drive?

I wouldn't move on the offchance that my daughter would see me more, but move because I wanted to. Is your daughter thinking that it would be better to be close to family as you get older? I moved house and ended up closer to my daughter and her family but that wasn't why I moved. It has worked out and I see them quite a bit. I would write down pros and cons of both places. Ultimately you should move because you want to. If you are uncertain enough to post here, maybe that tells you all you need to know.