Friend talks about money

None of us are perfect! I think I’d find her info mildly interesting as long as I wasn’t expected to share my financial details.
I agree with other posters who have suggested that financial insecurity in earlier life is often the root cause.
Thinking back, I recall a friend who used to go on about a particular theme regularly. I did find it mildly irritating until she thanked me one day for being the only person who liked her enough to listen to whatever she wanted to say.
It brought me up short! She was and still is a lovely person and our friendship is rock solid. She’s 14 years younger than me and we have many differences but I think as we have shared experiences and opinions etc, we’ve built a lasting friendship.
In the OPs case, I’d suggest showing a mild interest, changing the subject and persevere with the friendship if it’s still mutually satisfying in other ways.

I have a friend who likes the best of everything and is not afraid of many loans to pay for it all.
She has a lovely home with all the mod cons.
But all she talks about is the same thing... how much this and that costs. I am completely opposite. I will discuss the price we paid for our T.V. for example, if someone asked me, but other than that, I don’t discuss earnings, savings etc.
We had a night out. And she insisted she paid for everything. She dropped into conversation about the struggle I go through.
I think that because I don’t tell her my financial situation, then she assumes it’s dire.
It is quite the opposite!

My husbands 'best friend's did this to put my husband down, as he was long term sick following a hip replacement at 29. Eventually I refused to go near, and my husband pulled back a little too. Several years later, after being incredibly stupid, his friend realised what good friends we had been, and stopped with the boasting. Although they moved away we are now good friends

I completely understand where you’re coming from, I personally think it’s the height of rudeness to talk about money or ask how much something costs. If it were me I’d wait for the next opportunity to say casually ‘have you got some money worries?’ Wait for her to answer or then just casually say.....only you seem a bit obsessed with money, always talking about it and I was worried you were struggling? That should make her feel a bit embarrassed because she will then think what she says hopefully and keep quiet! I’ve just had to severe a friendship unfortunately as it got on my nerves once too often from a couple of friends who were well off but literally counted every single penny they spent or could save to the point of complete annoyance when going out with them. They even ordered one tea and a cup of hot water to share the tea bag between them, one ice cream to share, one meal and extra plate (try deciding how to split the bill with that!), the husband literally worked the petrol out before going anywhere to see if he could get more mileage taking a different route then you were told what they had saved ? etc. There was never a normal conversation without the husband adding in a rundown of how much he’d managed to save, buy something cheap etc every time we met, both my husband and myself couldn’t take it anymore recently and have decided to give them a wide berth as the conversation got extremely boring and depressing. There’s more to life than money to worry about.

I think I would start distancing myself from her .....move on from calling this person a friend. Obviously the two of you have different values!

Along the same lines but at the other end of the scale from the poster's friend, I know someone who's always saying that she can't afford anything. This person is single, has no children, has two comfortable pensions (career, plus state) and to my knowledge, has been saving a great deal of her income for decades. She lives in a large home in a popular rural area but resents paying out money for its upkeep. She's proud of having cheap holidays, and of never paying for holiday accommodation, because she aways stays with family or friends. It can be very wearisome hearing this, time after time, when we're pretty sure that she must have at least 250k saved up.....

Ask her if she’s ever watched Keeping up Appearances.

I recall an old school friend many years ago telling me 'I haven't come to see your house, I've come to see you'. I was offended as I wasn't boasting, I just assumed she'd be interested and pleased to look around, as I was when she moved. Maybe your younger friend is just excited and wants you to be pleased for her. I don't know how much younger she is but it sounds like she sees you as a mother figure or aunt that she can confide in.

One of my friends is an accountant and she is always talking about money and how much she has etc. Understandable in a way because she was very poor as a child so I guess there is some insecurity there. I don’t see her that often these days because it gets a bit wearing and irritating. Fine in small doses, though!

Is she northern? I had a Lancashire aunt who used to take us round the house when we visited and point out anything that was new and tell us what it cost. We used to joke about it later.

I don’t talk about money but I don’t mind if someone tells me how much something cost, as long as it is not in a boasting way. If they are telling me about a bargain, I am glad for them. I don’t see anything wrong with trying to be careful with money as long as it doesn’t result in being mean when you don’t need to be. “Look after the pennies, and the pounds will look after themselves,” is a saying I was taught. I can remember my mum crying once when she ran out of housekeeping money. ( she didn’t have any other sort). There are too many people who don’t have enough to make ends meet even now.

She obviously has an inferiority complex.

My late Mother-in-Law was fanatical about money, despite being very comfortably off.
At Christmas and birthdays she would give very small gifts and always left the price tag on, but she expected to receive good quality and expensive gifts from her children, because, as she frequently reminded them, she had given them life.
One Christmas, I crocheted a lovely evening wrap for her, as she had to go to some function or other to do with her Parish council.
Some weeks later, my SIL asked me where I had bought the wrap, as MIL had being touring the stores trying to find out how much I'd paid for it.
I replied that it was handmade, but the yarn had cost such and such (it was VERY expensive!). I never heard whether she was satisfied!
The crunch came when I was admitted to hospital for emegency surgery, and she looked after my two baby sons for the afternoon until DH could get home.
On the day I was discharged from hospital, she handed me an itemized bill for two jars of baby food and 1pint of milk which her own grandchildren had consumed!
I was going to buy her a 'thank you' present for looking after them, anyway, but after that, I kind of forgot.

Too boring for me I’m afraid, I wouldn’t be interested in how much anyone earns, or spends, that’s private as far as I’m concerned !

My sisters constantly try to out do one another about their money and possessions. It used to annoy and embarrass my Mum , so much so that she interrupted their bragging to tell them that she’d decided to make a new will leaving everything to me. That silenced them.

Buffy, that's exactly how I felt about my aunt, and I felt so sad that she felt the need to do it.

Is she boasting or just sharing to possible say, “ if we can do it” to motivate and show the possibilities in life

i wouldn't bother with such people.
why do you, OP.
don't collude in such nonsense.
that's one of the things i would do differently.
not waste time on worthless people.
seems a bit harsh to say worthless, but were certainly worthless in terms of my time, part of the precious resource/gift my life, being wasted in their company.

Next time she brags about her money, ask her for a loan!!!

I think you should quote Lady Grantham - she of Downton Abbey. Lady Grantham commented that the new hospital was a cottage hospital but quite well equipped.

When Isobel Crawley asked "who pays for it", Lady Grantham replied...

"Oh good, let's talk about money"... with her usual withering disdain.

I would be so embarrassed if I was said friend being discussed on a forum such as this. Surely if it’s a true friend you could just make a joke out of it.

I am also a nosey person ! ha ha .....but I would be tempted to, for instance, say 'Oh THAT (picture, furniture, whatever !) I gave one like that away .....or I saw one of those on Antiques Road Show ...you never know, might be worth a fortune ....or Oh yes, I saw one just like that for half price ...I hope you didn;t pay too much for it ..............just join in and don't take it seriously !

That old saying comes to mind"she knows the price of everything but the value of nothing" lts her own short comings making her so obsessed be kind and change the subject when she starts.

Just politely nod and smile. Change the subject if possible.

We have a couple we are friends with, and she is overly focused on money. Granted, they have quite a bit of it, but I think every penny was squeezed! We have learned not to go to restaurants with them because we find it embarrassing to agonize over the bill. Either that or we will foot the bill before it arrives so it can't be agonized over. We have chuckled over the arguments where she gave her husband trouble about over tipping while we were driving home together, then arguing about how much to pay the babysitter (this was when the kids were small). It is easier to go to each other's house for dinner. Love them, but don't need to be in those situations with them.

There are many people like this in the world.
I had a friend (no longer) who would never buy a drink and do her utmost to cut costs. We would go out to eat wherever there was an offer on.
Another friend and I then found out that she rented out her villa in Nice for over £1000 per week and we'd spent all that time buying her drinks that were never reciprocated!
One reason that cut off ties with her!