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How would you react

(183 Posts)
SeaNain Tue 31-Aug-21 20:09:29

I should think this funny maybe. And i am not so mad, more embarrassed.
Today, car showroom.
H. (61) and me sit opposite the car sales man.
Attractuve 20 sometbing walks over passing by h, to pass papers to salesman.
H. (loudly) "wow"
Short paause of silence
H. "You can sell me a car anyday".
20 simething shimmers away back to her desk.
Me.( Trying think im not sat there so speechless.)
Sakesman (muttering to desk quuetly)
"she does sell a lot of cars".
Silent pause again..
Salesman (embarrased, trying not to look at both of us but focusses on the computer screen instead)
"now, where were we?"

Now pse tell me girls. I know. Men will be men. Your response would be....

Mercmonkey Thu 02-Sept-21 10:38:50

Apart from the disrespect to you, which you really should address, comments like that have no place in today’s world. He really needs to learn this before someone who’s response isn’t limited by their employment really slaps him down.

debsf1 Thu 02-Sept-21 10:39:54

I’m 64 and have a relatively long fuse, but his comment would have caused me to call him out on it there and then. How dare he disrespect you in that way.

rafichagran Thu 02-Sept-21 10:44:23

I have never experienced this attention seeking sort of behaviour from my ex husband or current partner,they have too much respect for themselves and know how to behave with people.
I feel his behaviour was immature and stupid and he was trying hard to be funny. He just came across as pathetic.
I hope now he has apologised to you, he thinks about his behaviour, feels embarrased and you do not get a repeat of it.

brazenp75 Thu 02-Sept-21 10:44:49

I would have been furious and would have told him off, aloud, in front of those present.

Coconut Thu 02-Sept-21 10:45:22

My ex kept making comments about young slim girls when I was heavily pregnant and not feeling too good. The final straw came when he said he wished I looked like one particular movie star ...... I then said “so do I, then I wouldn’t be stuck here with you” ?? he didnt like that at all, but at least it shut him up ? some men are just so insensitive to others.

Eloethan Thu 02-Sept-21 10:48:15

If this truly happened, from the way you talk about men and women as "boys" and "girls" and your remark "boys will be boys" I guess the sort of man you married reflected those views. Personally, I would feel disrespected and hurt and I don't think I would ever feel the same about my husband again.

If this is totally out of character, then perhaps it is the beginning of an age-related health issue.

Caleo Thu 02-Sept-21 10:50:56

H showed bad manners and bad taste. His remark was discourteous, and his attitude was over- familiar with the salesman.

Some people are socially inept and this is an example. I don't believe H intended any harm .

Namsnanny Thu 02-Sept-21 10:51:46

I'm wondering if some posters thought this was a wind up in the beginning?
This sort of thing can knock your confidence out from under you.
I hope your planning your reaction should it happen again!
I think I'd put him in the sin bin for a while.

polnan Thu 02-Sept-21 10:52:14

oh dear! I just don`t know what to think!
or say!

o.k. how`s about us "girls" (what is wrong with that?)
turning the tables, if we have a spouse/partner doing this sort of thing.. how`s about us "ladies" ? is that acceptable? good grief... I do not subscribe to this over sensitivity, (my opinion)
how`s about us females?? is that the "right" word?
making a remark about a male person who appears dishy (am I allowed to use that word here?) to them in a similar setting?

is this an example of woke? wondering if the response from me would have been to giggle, (not that I can image my husband (now dead) would ever make that sort of comment.
but I think giggle? and join in the comment, well perhaps apologise to the recipient of the comment first and try to make a joke of it?

oh at least y`all making me smile here!

Naninka Thu 02-Sept-21 10:52:27

I'm sorry... was this written in 1973?

polnan Thu 02-Sept-21 10:52:30

Am I going to be banned now?

62Granny Thu 02-Sept-21 10:54:35

I would have also responded with a quip, usually something "don't worry , he is all all mouth no action" or something to put him down , a little finger in the air!! ? but I definitely would have said something and a sharp elbow in the ribs. Just say my own husband would not even have noticed her. ??

Oofy Thu 02-Sept-21 10:55:57

Glad people have mentioned dementia. A good friend who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in his 50s, became very disinhibited, grabbing at his very patient wife’s bosom and bottom at inappropriate times. Eventually his hygiene behaviour deteriorated also, and she couldn’t cope at home, not being well herself either. He went into a care home, and was moved on from the first one for inappropriate behaviour with staff.
But this sounds more like the “phwoar” type of comment that was not uncommon till the last few years, and of which most of us were on the receiving end in our younger days at various times-and developed mechanisms for dealing with. My response would, I think, have been a loud and very heavily scathing, “Idiot!”

Jillybird Thu 02-Sept-21 10:56:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kangaroo73 Thu 02-Sept-21 10:57:24

A few weeks back my GD aged 24 was approached by a man at work, who she said is probably in his 60s, leaned over to her and said ‘cor if I was 40 years younger’ a la Les Dawson style (knickers knackers knockers ?). She said he ‘gave her the creeps’. I rest my case!

Battersea1971 Thu 02-Sept-21 10:58:32

Im sorry, but I dont really understand what you mean by this. Are you working in a showroom or were you there to buy a car?

NotSpaghetti Thu 02-Sept-21 11:00:47

If this is new, it could be very worrying.

NotSpaghetti Thu 02-Sept-21 11:01:00

Not nice at all

Genevive4 Thu 02-Sept-21 11:01:20

If this is only the 2nd time that he has done this, I'd definitely be wondering whether it was early signs of FRONTOTMPORAL DEMENTIA. The symptoms may include:

Changes in emotions - this may include a change in how people express their feelings towards others or a lack of understanding of other people’s feelings.

Lack of interest - people may become withdrawn or lose interest in looking after themselves, such as failing to maintain a normal level of personal hygiene.

Inappropriate behaviour - this might include making inappropriate jokes or showing a lack of tact. Humour or sexual behaviour may change. Some people become impulsive or easily distracted.

Obsessions – people might develop unusual beliefs, interests or obsessions.

Diet - changes in food preference such as eating more sweet things, over-eating or over-drinking.

Awareness - do not realise there are changes in their personality or behaviour.

Decision making - difficulty making simple plans and decisions.

Language - decline in language abilities. This might include difficulty speaking or understanding the meaning of words.
People may repeat words and phrases or forget what words mean.

Recognition - difficulty recognising people or knowing what objects are for.

Memory - day-to-day memory may be relatively unaffected in the early stages, but problems with attention and concentration could give the impression of memory problems.

Movement problems - around one in every eight people with behavioural variant FTD also develops movement problems of motor neurone disease. This can include stiff or twitching muscles, muscle weakness and difficulty swallowing.

If it's not, then I'd be having a very serious conversation with your husband about appropriate behaviour.

Good Luck.

Paperbackwriter Thu 02-Sept-21 11:02:08

I'd have a Very Firm Word with him that it is absolutely NOT Ok to pass such comments any more. (Not sure it ever was, to be honest). She'd have been within her rights to tell him to "naff off, perve" but would have been unable to if she wanted to keep her job. Makes my skin crawl.

Moggycuddler Thu 02-Sept-21 11:05:13

To start with, my husband would NEVER have said anything like that to anyone in any situation. If he did I'd think he had actually gone demented. Perhaps your DH IS demented? I'd have been so embarassed I'd have crawled away up my own bum.

Neilspurgeon0 Thu 02-Sept-21 11:11:35

I am a seventy year old, foot in mouth, typical bloke but even I find this cringeworthy in 2021 although I guess I would have been the same in 1961. Fortunately I have both a wife, and a daughter, to keep me within sensibilities and moving with the times.

LuckyFour Thu 02-Sept-21 11:12:09

A variety of responses occur to me. Acute amazement for me and embarrassment for him, me, and everyone else involved. I hope you asked him later what on earth he was thinking. Is he losing his marbles.
(Sorry to be pompous but you should definitely read your posts before you send them - so many errors. Apologies if English is not your first language.

Bluedaisy Thu 02-Sept-21 11:12:41

It’s possible he opened his mouth (like a lot of men I’m afraid) before engaging his brain by the sounds of it! He also possibly in his head still thinks he’s 35! I’m not making excuses for him, far from it but I’ve got one at home that would possibly of come out with something stupid like that 10 years ago where he often didn’t think before speaking. Would just come out with any stupid thing and embarrass not only me but himself as well. My response is; Excuse him (tapping my head) he’s losing it, then turn to him and ask “is that your dementia talking again”?
In your head but have you looked in the mirror lately and seen your old to be her grandfather!
Or…..are you seriously trying to get arrested for harassing a young girl young enough to be your granddaughter ?.
Then give him an earful when you’re on your own.

BelindaB Thu 02-Sept-21 11:13:19

I agree with MOnica. I would have said exactly the same, if not just burst out laughing.