Son in law - dislike

Chookstar73:

You did not give a lot of details so I’m going to assume he isn’t abusing your daughter but in your mind has different views and values (such as vegan) from your family and is influencing your daughter. You’ve created this whole dramatic story around this that is causing you a lot of pain and suffering. Your brain (our brains are fascinating things) is telling you that something has gone terribly wrong here. But what if nothing has gone wrong? Everything is exactly as it should be.

I know you think your daughters partner is causing you all this pain, but I promise you it’s not. It’s all your dramatic thoughts about her partner that is causing you so much suffering. And it’s so interesting because you feel like you are losing connection with her and, yet, you say you don’t even want to be around her….lol…..the very opposite of connection!

I would offer to you that you calm down, recognize all the drama YOU are creating around your daughters partner through all your thoughts and look for new thoughts that serve you and your family better. Look for what is good in him, try to see what your daughter loves about him, and extend love and kindness yourself.

We can’t control other people. We can only control ourselves. I would work on changing all the negative drama/thoughts you have going on. I’m pretty sure the rest of the family is following a lot of your lead.

And learn to make a couple of great vegan. Surprise your daughter. And just love her.

I'm not vegan but would have no issue with anyone being vegan unless they were going to lecture me about it. When they came to eat at mine I'd happily cook vegan food for them, I'd probably do vegan for everyone as the odd meal. I would have to look into getting a good balance of nutrients into it.

I'm surprised at your post OP, is there more to this?

So......I wonder if it might just be possible to be "polite and respectful" (like all your other children's partners) AND a vegan? Now let me think.......................

Huh?! My son turned my vegetarian dil into a meat eater, (tempting her with his cooking), does this mean he is an evil? Or is it just that couples that live together over time evolve and develop.

Are you really saying that your daughter should follow your dietary choices because of 'all the lovely things you have given her'? That's what jumped out at me in your post.

You give your children lovely things because you love them, not so that they don't become vegan, or deviate from your way of doing things, and doing these things is not showing ingratitude - only independence.

Maybe take a step back and read your post as though it had been written by someone else and you were reading it?

It sounds like SIL has offered your daughter a different value and she has embraced it. Why is this a problem? Do you find it annoying to cater to if he visits? If so, maybe consider it a chance to learn some new recipes. Does he preach about it every time you eat meat? If so, that's not okay and I'd politely shut it down. There are much worse choices your daughter could make in life. Good for her for thinking and making a choice that is right for her at this time.

Is there more to it than dietary preferences?

It seems you are blaming him for "controlling" her but that is exactly what you want to do - retain control over everything she does and likes.

It is rather unhealthy to expect your children to have exactly the same values and beliefs as yourself. I do understand it can be upsetting if offspring end up with diametrically different political views from yourself (as this encompasses so many different things) but becoming a vegan? Why are you so upset?

I hope you are not going to make your daughter and her husband feel like outcasts in the family. That really isn't very nice.

Chookstar73, this is a wind up, surely? You haven't come back with any details - so far. I'd be very proud that she's become a vegan. It's environmentally friendly and there's no direct cruelty to animals involved. What's your objection, exactly?

Get a vegan cookbook- BOSH is a good one and try a few recipes. Please let us know what “ wonderful things” you have given her that she has now rejected, apart from eating bits of dead animals.

It is not unknown for someone to change a previously held, but, perhaps automatically accepted, viewpoint and then have a different picture because someone else has opened their eyes to an alternative – in conversation, in a book, on television or on social media, for example. Just because someone grew up simply accepting their family's values, doesn't preclude them from changing their minds later on.

Lucca, Riverwalk et al. I am in your gang.

I do so hate false threads and this has all the hallmarks of one.
Moving swiftly on……

I knew somebody who went out with a vegan once, fortunately she dumped him and now she’s with a Colombian drug baron on to his third marriage.

Esspee, I agree - it's just like the (often resurrected) 'Fox problem' post that surfaces on our local neighbourhood website - guaranteed to bring out the Marmite brigade (love or hate them). So, vegans, foxes - what else stirs them up?

Hithere

While my own narc parents went bananas when I went vegetarian, they wouldnt admit to it like that so openly on a forum.

Well think yourself lucky they went bananas, and not the full gammon!

GillT57

Perfect comment! I am laughing so much!

MayBeMaw

I knew somebody who went out with a vegan once, fortunately she dumped him and now she’s with a Colombian drug baron on to his third marriage.

Fortunately he is currently serving 25 years for murder, GBH and extortion which gives her a break from being beaten up by him
But at least he’s not vegan.

It's the usual progression, isn't it? First they give up red meat, next it's chicken and fish, and before you know it, they start having out with convicts and collectors of ex-wives ?

hanging out, even.

Vegan is worst s.i.i can do, sounds a good chap.

Has anyone seen the comedy show Famelan? It’s on iplayer and has a mainly black cast. There’s a sketch in one show of a Nigerian mum and her sister who have the son and his friend to lunch - the son is terrified of telling his mum and auntie that he’s in a gay relationship with the friend - eventually he does and the mum and auntie are quite sweet with it, she then dishes up the chicken and the son says - oh I forgot to tell you- we’re vegan - cue mum and auntie wailing and chasing the son and partner out of the house with their wooden spoons.?

MayBeMaw

MayBeMaw

I knew somebody who went out with a vegan once, fortunately she dumped him and now she’s with a Colombian drug baron on to his third marriage.

Fortunately he is currently serving 25 years for murder, GBH and extortion which gives her a break from being beaten up by him
But at least he’s not vegan.

???

vegansrock, I'll have to watch that

fb.watch/80qabvmGYu/ The aforementioned Famalam Sketch. Sorry if you don't have Facebook.

Over the past 12 years, my DIL has slowly but surely turned my DS towards vegetarianism. She might be a wonderful wife, mother, nurse, cook, gardener and DIL but I knew she was a wrong 'un from the start with all her new fangled notions about food!