Unexpected gift

to put your mind at rest why not have it valued for two reasons if it is valuable then offer to give back to the lady saying its valuable and you would like to give back if she still insists you keep it then alls well,and you keep and get it insured, if its not worth anything then just appreciate it for the gift it is,

Do you have any contact with her children. It's marvellous that your friend thinks so highly of you but, just to be on the safe side, I would mention it to her children, if you are able.

If it's a gift then the person has voluntarily given it to you. If it turns out to be valuable you are not taking advantages. They GAVE it to you, so get it valued and if you hit hard times sell it.

On the face of it there seems to be no reason why you should not keep and enjoy the ring, as nothing you have told here suggests that the giver is not in her right mind and knew what she was doing.

I do, however, have one concern: you say you work for this lady and her husband. Is this an informal agreement, or are you employed by an agency?

I am asking this because I would expect an agency to have rules about whether their employees may or may not accept gifts from those the work for.

Obviously, no-one could reasonably object to your receiving a box of chocolates or the like, but a ring, if it is not costume jewelry but valuable is a slightly different matter.

My concern is that you may be laying yourself open to accusations of theft or of having used undue influence, if not by the lady herself or her husband then by their heirs.

You don't mention whether this lady has children, it sounds as if they either do not, or are estranged from them. If the latter is the case, you do need to be careful, as estrangements rarely last when it comes to inheritance!

If she has children whom you know, it might be best casually to mention to them that their mother has insisted you have this ring and that you are mentioning it to them because her insistance made you a little uncomfortable.

After my father's death my sister and I discovered that some silver spoons and our paternal grandmother's engagement ring were missing from the house.

We had no way of knowing whether our parents had sold or given these things away, or whether someone had helped themselves to them. We decided just to let it be and do nothing as we had no way of knowing what had actually happened to these items, but it was not a comfortable feeling, even although neither of us "needed" the things, but the ring had been promised to my sister and I was hurt for her sake that it could not be found.

JdotJ

Do you have any contact with her children. It's marvellous that your friend thinks so highly of you but, just to be on the safe side, I would mention it to her children, if you are able.

I agree. I wouldn't feel comfortable not mentioning it. Friends or not the OP is an employee.

lemsip

I used to visit an old lady. when she died I was appalled when her family asked me to choose something of hers to remember her by...appalled to think that's why I had visited her for so long.... I won't forget her.

When my mother's good friend died, her son asked Mum if there was something she would like and Mum asked if she could have some photos which I thought was a nice thing. No monetary value and of course the son could sort out duplicates or get copies if he wanted to keep the originals.

It is a lovely gesture, and they obviously think very highly of you. As the lady wants you to have the ring as a gift, you should be entitled to keep it. However, as others have mentioned, if it is of value, I would want make sure that her son & daughter are aware of the fact that their mother wanted you to have the ring.

Sometimes, unpleasant things happen when people pass away, and it would be dreadful for you if, at some point in the future, her children want to know what's happened to the ring. I'd be inclined to get it valued, and if it is worth quite a bit, I'd tell your friend how much you appreciate the gift, but would you'd feel more comfortable about accepting it is she tells her children that she wishes for you to have it. I'm sure, knowing how well thought of you are by their parents, they would be more than happy for you to have it. But, assuming they are aware of the ring and, if it is valuable, it would be awful if they wondered what had happened to it after their parents passed away, and that could put you in a potentially difficult situation. Get it valued, and then you'll know if you need to voice your concerns to this lovely couple.

Wear it and enjoy it

Just to avoid any future misunderstandings, I would ask the lady if she would mind writing a note and signing it, with a brief description of the ring, stating it was gifted to you. That way you don't need to get it valued just incase it's valuable and her family might question you having it.

What a lovely gesture ... she wanted you to have it and enjoy it as she did ....the only reservation I would have is that if she suddenly (or her Executors when she dies) she had ;relatives; they may try to claim her jewellery if they knew of its existence ...this happened to my late mother in law, who cooked, cleaned, shopped, and looked after an elderly neighbour, not expecting anything in return ...its what people did then ! BUT when she gave her a lovely red ring my m i l tried to refuse but the lady insisted .....when she died, the first thing the relatives said when they cleared the house (never having set foot in it for years !) is WHERE's that ring she used to have....the expensive red ruby one ? it should be ours ......they had the house, all the other jewellery and effects ....but they still wanted to have the ring back, Of course, my m i l gave it to them .....but how unfair since they had to be found even, to let them know she had died ....maybe to leave it in her Will would be a better idea ...

Agree with all posters who say you should keep the gift, but maybe the lady could make a note that she has given it to you voluntarily in case her children, god forbid, accuse you of taking advantage or stealing. I never would have believed how nasty things could get when greed takes over, but it does even within families.

When my mother died I must have appalled many people, Lemsip as I gave away many many items to people she loved. Some at her direction, some I said “is there something special you might like to have of mum’s”.
It was awkward to say it maybe, but was done out of love and respect.. one person chose a candlestick, another a vase, another a copper kettle that her own son had dented as a boy… one took her huge collection of tea towels.

It was comforting to gift these small mementoes and be privy to the stories behind their choices.

She obviously values your friendship - take the gift and wear it with pride

You wouldn't choose, so she chose for you. That's the end of it.

She wants you to have it because she thinks a lot of you, she appreciates what you do for her and your friendship. Wear it with pride.

I agree you should keep it. She wanted you to have something, and specifically gave you that ring when she was of sound mind. She did say it was not one of her special rings. Depending on the T & C of your house insurance, it may be covered, but personally, I would not get it valued now. Just enjoy wearing it.
My MiL, who had dementia and had carers coming in, gave them lots of nice jewellery, but she did not know what she was doing, and they should not have accepted it. It did upset us though we did not pursue it.

What a lovely and thoughtful gift.
I’ve given quite a few items away to various friends and family members. All were given with careful thought, appreciation and much love.
It’s delightful to be able to make someone smile and to perhaps know that their friendship, assistance or thoughtfulness has been appreciated, often treasured.
Sometimes giving is far more pleasurable than actually receiving.
I’d be appalled if any of my recipients checked with my adult children!! I’d also be very disappointed if the recipient asked to return it as it was valuable!
The ring needs to be valued in case you need extra insurance. That should be done prior to wearing it outdoors.
Otherwise, just accept a lovely gift in the spirit it was given and continue to enjoy your mutual friendship.

I agree you should keep it and enjoy it, but I suggest you get it valued and properly insured

Sometimes when a person ages and is reliant on others for tasks and company all they have to give is either money or some kind of belongings. As long as the lady is fully aware of what she has done and doesn't have memory issues then i would accept with good grace, But i would also make a note somewhere of the date she gave you the ring and that you refused several times but she choose and insisted you take it. That way at least if the family get 'funny' you can verify exactly what and when it happened.

Most people have overlooked the fact that the OP works for this lady and her husband.

I'm an RN and still do the odd assignment, via an agency, nursing people in their own homes. Many a time I have to politely decline gifts, including jewellery & furniture - nothing more than a box of chocolates or flowers is accepted.

I'd probably try to phone one of the lady's children in confidence.

If the lady doesn't have dementia then I don't think it is a problem. If she does, you're on shaky ground.

I remember the exact same situation happening wi

Sorry fat fingers! The exact same situation occurred with my grandmother in that an elderly lady that she knew insisted that my grandmother pick a piece of jewellery as a keepsake. My grandmother eventually decided to pick a ring that had a stone missing because she thought it was likely to be less valuable than the others.

It turned out to be very valuable ring and when my grandmother discovered this she spoke to the elderly lady’s daughter who simply said “Mother wanted you to have it so it is yours. Please keep it and thank you for all you have done for her”.

So enjoy the gift please.

Are yoi afraid someone will think you have stolen it?
Ask her to write a nite to say she’s gifted it to you maybe