Different family opinions

Why do people who are vaccinated want everyone else to be ? It's like saying I've got my suncream on to protect me wheres yours? You have just as much chance catching covid from vaccinated or unvacinated and your outcome will be more favourable as you've been vaccinated

I have been following a vegan diet for some years now for health reasons. If I am ever eating at the homes of others I bring my own food and certainly don't expect any concessions to be made for my personal dietary decisions.
If the lady chooses not to take the jab does she explain her choice with logic and reason? Does she show equal respect for the decisions of others by following alternative recommendations to prevent the spread of covid?
I have listened to so many tales of fierce anti-vaxxers in the USA who have left heartbroken loved ones when they have contracted the disease and died. It's sad to think of a little boy growing up without a mother for a series of principles that run clear contrary to scientific fact and common sense.

Also, don't forget that there are some who are vulnerable and who are unable to take the vaccine much as they might like to. Our children are, as yet, mostly unvaccinated and who knows what variants may be allowed to develop whilst this disease remains unchecked.

If I have a dinner party, I make one meal for everyone. I'm not a restaurant! If I like a vegetarian very much I'd probably try to invite them around with others who don't mind a meatless meal occasionally, like me, and cook accordingly. Vegans? No way. Not getting into that. Never met anyone yet I'd go that far for.

You have my sympathy with this. My family is now completely split and my younger daughter's vegan diet is partly responsible for it. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
When she went vegan she was unable to sit down for a meal with us without lecturing and even tried to convert her then 7 year old niece.
I'd be inclined to keep vegan ready meals in your freezer so feeding her is simpler.

My partner’s youngest son, aged 30, refuses to be vaccinated as he is “ not a follower” . Those are his words, not mine. Consequently, as two people aged 67 and 71 we are not inviting him or his partner into the house. He has socialised during lockdown etc and I am totally unsure who he is mixing with.
As for the vegan issue, you have three options
1. Do not invite to a meal
2. Provide a vegan option , not too difficult once in a while
3. Ask the vegan to bring their own food as you don feel confident providing for them in case you get it wrong.

Easy really!

The vegan thing is something I could go along with but unvaccinated guests in my home is a no-no. I was vaccinated in January and again 8 weeks later. I could be running on empty soon and until I have my booster and a few weeks after that, no-one unvaccinated will be visiting, family or otherwise.I won’t argue about their choices, just don’t want them near me.

The same goes for anyone who tries to convert other people to their way of thinking, be it religion or politics or veganism. Rude to do so in my opinion.

Make her a different pasta, with a different sauce, and a salad, and fruit for dessert, each time. Done. Maybe eventually she will tell you, albeit through your son... that vegan cooking is not just that. Re the vaccination issue: just don't go there.

One Christmas long ago..... and never again. We were 18 people and I was considerate/foolish enough to ask in advance if there were any particular food requirements
I unearthed 3 different religions + 1 Vegan with preferences/absolute requirements eg no pork or shellfood
5 food allergies: nuts, pork, gluten,veal,
Many had individual dislikes.... tomatoes, liver, eggs, mushrooms, onions.... any food which was not brown
Result.... the vegetarian coveted her mother's trout and said that had she known she would have defined herself as pescatarian
The grandson who ate only brown saw lobster so I gave him my portion
The Muslim said the food was too bland and sprinkled everything with the hottest chili sauce
The most up-to date verdict.... the Muslim now eats our
bacon and sausages but says she is now allergic to the spicy seafood she coveted before. The former Vegan eats normally but another one has been generated . He brings his own food
Those who were allergic remain so but I shall never again attempt to cater for them all together
It is just wonderful to eat hot buttered toast and Bovril alone in front of the tele ( Oh yes, I had forgotten those who wouldn't eat dairy products

I am a vegetarian and would not be able to eat at the homes of people who refused to accept this. If I was an insect eater ( and insects have now been designated as an excellent source of protein) would your husband tuck into a meal of creepy crawly treats st my house? Just to make it clear ... I don’t eat bugs. As to vaccination, I can’t see a reason for not doing it. It’s the only way that we’ll beat this thing. A friend of ours , who was anti-vacs , died last month. She had no underlying health conditions : she swam the channel 4 years ago so was super fit but covid took her. It’s so sad but she didn’t buy into the winning ticket and lost. If your husband has such clear views on eating preferences, surely it’s worth discussing something that could save lives.

I have to say I think your husband is wrong about expecting her to eat food that isn't vegan. It's obviously something she feels strongly about and that should be respected. As others have said, if it's a problem then don't invite her to meals.
And I have a similar reaction to the anti-vax situation. If you feel it puts you at risk then don't meet with her. I understand this would be hard, but the alternative is to stay as safe as you can when in her presence, open windows, meet outside when possible, etc.

Re the vegan meal, easy to buy a pre prepared dish if you don't wish to prepare something from scratch. We have friends who are vegan, vegetarian, allergic or unable to eat something because of religious beliefs and we are happy to cater for their needs.
Re the vaccination issue: I must admit anti vaxxers do irritate me and my advice would be don't get into an argument over it. On the other hand we are all entitled to choose not to mix with those who have opted not to get vaccinated. This doesn't require a discussion, just state your view.

I get the impression you love and care for all your family members. You see good things in all of them which I am sure are there. I have a family member who is vegan after a long life as a vegetarian. For him it is a spiritual thing. He would feel it was very wrong of him to eat an animal product and it would be very distressing for him. To try to force him do so would be cruel. If I have vegetarians or vegans as guests, I try to cook the same things for everyone. It is easier and I think it must be very unpleasant for them to sit eating with people who are eating meat and these feelings will reduce the feelings of fellowship and companionship among us which should come with a shared meal. It is not the same thing for me to eat a meal of plant based food as I have no problem eating that food and eat it all the time anyway as a normal part of my diet. Even if we do not share views we can respect them if they are held honestly and with good intentions. Perhaps some of these arguments could sway your husband. The vaccinations are more difficult as you must be very anxious about your family’s health. But again we must respect other people’s views if honestly held. All you can do is express your own views while saying you respect theirs. And then let it go. I feel you are probably very good at smoothing out conflicts. Though it is a burden and is distressing you at the moment, it is a wonderful contribution to everyone’s happiness. You sound as if you have a close family. All family’s have disagreements but it should never lead to rifts. Love should always come first. This is the most important thing of all for all of us. Good luck.

HolySox

Vaccinated or not they can bring COVID into your house. Please ask them to test before they visit to protect you. Otherwise they are grownups now and have to live with the decisions they make - grandparents can only offer our advice as we are older and, hopefully, wiser.

I sympathise with your husband as I personally can't be bothered with vegans as God has sanctioned eating meat but that's just my bigotry and am working on it. ?

@HolySox

Did God sanction factory farming & cruelty to animals then?
I don't remember seeing that in the bible.
I would ask all people who eat meat to visit an abattoir just once, & then say you "can't be bothered with vegans".
Personally, I cant be bothered with people who are happy to continue contributing to this horrible, callous cruelty [sad}

No one can expect a vegan to eat anything that’s put in front of them. Our DIL who is vegan brings her own food with her when they come and stay at our house so a long weekend, that suits me. The anti vax idiots can put their own health at risk if they like but they have no right to put others life at risk who have had the jabs.
Some folk are just a pain in the rear end. That’s life.

It may just be me, but reading through these answers it seems to me that a good number of you are saying that they OP is to keep her opinions to herself, while respecting the grandson's partner's views and providing vegan meals for her.

Op has just as much right to her opinions as her grandson's partner has, or OP's children, who are presumably all adults and entitled to their opinions.

I too would provide vegan food, but next time the subject of vaccination came up, I would smile pleasantly and say "Let's change the subject. We will have to agree to differ about this, as obviously none of us are going to change our opposing views".

It seems these days that the younger generation at least is so sure they are right that they tend to air their opinions all the time, even when they know that they are visiting people who hold other opinions. Perhaps the younger generation always did do this, but we were taught to avoid trying to "convert" others to our views by going on about them.

If there are no neutral topics of conversation to be found than obviously continuing to see these family members will be difficult.

I would be unhappy about socialising indoors with someone who isn’t vaccinated, although in this case it does sound like she is genuinely concerned about what she puts in her body, rather than jumping on the antiestablishment bandwagon of stupidity.

As for your husbands view that a person should eat what they are given at someone else house, would he insist on that with someone with a food intolerance, or a diabetic. The decision not to eat meat or to become vegan is usually a deep seated moral position!

what people do regarding the vaccine is up to them but depending on how you and your husband feel and your own health you can only decide if you will let unvaccinated people into your home or go to theirs

catering for vegans is a bit of a pain but Waitrose and M&S have a good choice of ready meals. anti vax issues are a real worry for everyone. I hope they let the children have all the usual vaccines - diptheria, polio, etc. It would be dangerous to not have these. Be careful around anyone who has not had their Covid jabs - meet outside if you can, keep your distance - wear a mask if you want to get your point over.

Oh my goodness what a nightmare widgeon3 !
I bet you collapsed in bed shattered that night!

How did we come to be so fussy about our food? Of course genuine allergies are one thing as for instance certain nuts can and do kill, but in many cases it’s just down to fads, which you discovered with your guests coveting others’ meals which they allegedly couldn’t eat!

Thankfully my family eat practically everything, so catering is relatively straightforward.
However it’s always a bit of a worry trying to ensure the timings work out ok.

Throw an anti vaxxer or two into the mix and it’s a dinner party from hell!

You are lucky that you only have one family member that is vegan!
In my family , we have 2 vegetarians, 2 dairy free and one gluten free!
It's so much easier these days to cater for the various diets than it used to be even 5 years ago and as a courtesy to a guest, you should serve food that guests will eat - there is nothing worse than going to a lot of trouble cooking a lovely meal and have 1 guest turn their nose up!
As far as the anti vaxxing is concerned, sorry, but you will have to keep your thoughts to yourself on that one !

There are plenty vegan ready meals and recipes available. Very selfish of your DH not to try to accommodate your GSs partner food wise. As for antivaccsers how do they think polio, smallpox have been eliminated, never mind the reduction in childhood illnesses and TB. For those, together with the lazy AC too bothered to go think I would be telling them no vaccine, no close contact with you. Will let you know just how much they care about your health and wellbeing.

Everyone has the right to their own decisions about coronovirus vaccinations , but you and your husband have the right to protect your lives. Please - don't put yourselves at risk of catching the virus. I didn't think I'd get it as I was so careful, but I contracted it in January, seemed to get over it and then Long Covid hit me like a ton of bricks and my doctor sent me to A and E because breathing was so difficult. Before January I played football with the grandchildren and was physically active. Now I can manage a 10 minute walk before my chest tightens up. Don't put yourselves at risk. Explain to your family that you need to take care of yourselves. You'd love to see them when the pandemic is over or after their second vaccination.

pamcuthbert

HolySox

Vaccinated or not they can bring COVID into your house. Please ask them to test before they visit to protect you. Otherwise they are grownups now and have to live with the decisions they make - grandparents can only offer our advice as we are older and, hopefully, wiser.

I sympathise with your husband as I personally can't be bothered with vegans as God has sanctioned eating meat but that's just my bigotry and am working on it. ?

@HolySox

Did God sanction factory farming & cruelty to animals then?
I don't remember seeing that in the bible.
I would ask all people who eat meat to visit an abattoir just once, & then say you "can't be bothered with vegans".
Personally, I cant be bothered with people who are happy to continue contributing to this horrible, callous cruelty [sad}

Absolutely! Isn’t kindness and compassion sanctioned by God then? Strange sort of God if it isn’t!