advice please

I disagree you are stuck in the middle.

Your parents, your son and you are all adults.

Your son and your parents are perfectly capable of coordinating visits, there is no need to put you in the middle

Your parents are displaying a very irresponsible attitude about covid, driving, respecting other people's decisions

Personally, if my parents complained about my son, I would tell them it is none of my business, they need to address it with your son

I think it's time to get back to normal. The damage this sort of rigidity is doing to personal relationships, immune systems and mental health is I think becoming a real problem.

I'd just tell your parents that if they want to visit they have to follow your son's rules. I know a lot of older people who haven't taken it seriously even though they are the most at risk - who knows, perhaps they think they're happy to take the risk because they've already had a good long life. But they need to respect those with more responsibilities, such as looking after children and having to stay healthy themselves to work and so on. Mental health issues aside (and it's hardly surprising that people are more stressed and anxious at the moment), it is all about respecting others' decisions about their own household and children. And it sounds like your dad shouldn't be driving at all - sorry if that sounds harsh but once cognitive function starts to decline they are a danger to themselves and others on the road. I had the same with my parents who insisted on driving but couldn't even do simple manoeuvres when needed such as reverse out of the way in a narrow lane. Luckily they did stop before they killed someone. But for your own sanity you can't please everyone so just stick to the rules of your son and daughter in law at their house and let them all deal with it!

I am a bit confused as to what your parents do that is considered so dangerous, do they shop or have a neighbour in for coffee? After 3 jabs and a flu vaccine most over 75s I know feel that they must just get on with life, this does usually consist of a meal out or visiting their local club, are they really supposed to stay locked up at home. If your son doesn't want them to visit let him tell them.
I also wish someone would sort out driving by the over 70's it is usually left to families to sort out parents who should stop, just the worst people to get landed with the job.

Hello, I’m new and this is my first post. I hope I’m doing it right. I need some advice please. My live in boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We were have a conversation yesterday and he told me he didn’t like my 3?year old grand daughter. I think it’s because I would bring her to our place and she would stay overnight and she had all my attention. I haven’t had her over for awhile but she’s coming tomorrow and I can tell he’s not happy. I don’t want my granddaughter to feel like he doesn’t like her. My heart is breaking because I love them both. Advice please

Hello, Ogdenkj1 and welcome to Gransnet! You’ll get more support and advice if you copy and paste exactly what you’ve said as a new thread, so that many more people will see it. It’s easy to do - you just need to use the drop down menu at the top of this thread, and choose Start New Discussion.

Good luck!

Your son and d.i.l. set the rules. Their children are theirs to worry over. Yours is to respect others' decisions. You sound respectful, well done you.

I can see where your son and dil are coming from if they have already had a child incredibly ill with possible covid. I was of the 'we must all get back to normal' view until 5 of my husband's family all caught it and I realised how it was very much still present in my local community.

I don't agree with other posters saying well if son and DIL are back in the office two more people won't hurt. Work and childcare are a necessity whereas your parents visits aren't.

they don't need to come.
the bigger issue is the danger from the older man's driving.
you need to do something about that.
you know he is cognitively impaired; how would you feel if he mounted the kerb and ploughed into a mother and child.
sorry to be stark. but it does happen. and children are killed.

welbeck is absolutely right. Could you live with yourself if that happened and you hadn’t taken any steps to try to stop him driving? You do have a responsibility there, I’m sorry to say.

Your son and DIL sound OTT ....so by caring for your grandchildren by their rules, you are not allowed to go into your parents home?? What happens if your parents get ill? I feel sorry for your parents.... I have seen my mum and also 3 GC right thru covid ... everyone is now triple jabbed, bar the children.... you sound like you are walking on eggshells, frightened that you will not be allowed to see your GC if you don't play by the rules.... that must be a horrible position for you

Get out from under, dear lady!

Your son has rules for his family's safety. Let him explain them to his grandparents.

He is a big boy now.

All you need to do, is agree with your son about what steps you take, if your parents turn up at his, while you are looking after the children.

Presumably, if your parents don't follow your son's rules in his home, while you are in charge there, you tell them (not ask them) to go home and if necessary phone a taxi and send them home.

Louisa “ I have seen my mum and also 3 GC right thru covid ..”

You must be very proud of having ignored guidelines. Unless of course you all live together,

i can understand your sons thoughts and reactions, i have a relative with a son who has severe asthma, it has involved so many trips to a&e and several stays in hospital over the years, she was warned at the height of covid to be very careful as it might be something he would not recover from if he got it. his nanna still does a test and uses santitizer, when she gets there she gives him a virtual cuddle and a fist bump, something my son did with me recently when i was in hospital for a cancer op last month. i think looking at recent figures it is better to be safe than sorry,

Eloethan

I think it's time to get back to normal. The damage this sort of rigidity is doing to personal relationships, immune systems and mental health is I think becoming a real problem.

Absolutely ?
You say becoming a real problem
I would change that to is a real problem
I will add that it’s not happened/ happening in my family, I won’t have it, rules or no rules.