Visiting children and grandchildren

We do not know if they have 1 kid or 10 kids.

We do not know if the rooms have an assigned use and are not available.

".....pretty much always preferable to have independent digs."

That's totally to the point. BnB serve to that purpose well.

Sounds as though your son and daughter already had made plans before you approached them regarding your visit so, yes, you are being totally unreasonable. You live abroad and they have to get on with their own lives. They had made arrangements for the half term week before you told them of your plans to visit. Why should they cancel everything for you at short notice? I'm sure they want to see you, but not on your expectations of them dropping everything for you.

Smokeless they are seeing their dad. But they don’t have to accommodate him further. He is choosing to come down. Maybe what they are offering is all that they want.

It's funny isn't it how some can read the OP as a father wanting to spend as much time as he can with his children and GC, and being disappointed at the amount of time that will be, while others see him as expecting everything to be dropped for him, that he believes he's owed something etc. etc.

I hope Peterson comes back but I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't. Some very harsh and judgemental responses on here.

Oh Bibbity don't call me Smokeless, I'm still a smoker.

I do not think it is possible to say anything on this subject because the OP has given so little information.

I thought some responses were quite hardsh as well Smileless I live in France and would be very disappointed if my children didn't accommodate me when I visited. In the same way as they stay with me when they come to France. Slightly different for me as my grandchildren are grown up and not living at home.

Quite apart from what others have said about how much notice you gave and how busy they might be, how many of these five bedrooms are actually spare rooms. There is your son and his wife, grandchildren plural, and maybe a bedroom is used as a study or office. And it's quite possible they don't want you staying at the same time as their friends, who might be bringing children for all we know. You don't give much info about your daughter's situation save that she can't accommodate you until after her mother, I assume your ex wife, has left. I would think that even if she could accommodate you and your wife at the same time as your ex, that might be a bit difficult. Yes I do think that you are being unreasonable. It's not as if they have said you can't see them, just that they can't offer bed and board for the whole of your visit and you're sulking because you have to spend four nights in a B&B between seeing one family and the next because it's cold, wet and gets dark early. Can't you book into a pub or budget hotel instead? Four days of inconvenience after being unable to visit for so long and you feel like giving up on them? Many on here would be delighted to suffer that inconvenience in order to see their families. You really should be ashamed of yourself.

Sorry Smileless I'm one of the harsh and judgmental ones here. Just felt OP expected them to cancel existing plans to accommodate him and was being very selfish. Whoever would feel like giving up on their children over this?

They are independent adults with lives, children, work and friends. You should be glad they are living successfully. My adult children live locally but I always, always ask of it is convenient to visit and always, always fit in with them. I don’t assume I am entitled to see them just because they are my children.

Your children have offered to put you up, but you must accept their boundaries and respect their right to a life of their own. You sound a little entitled.

His children ARE accommodating him! They are not saying, sorry we cant see you, have a good vacation. They are making arrangements to see him, including allowing him space in their homes, while they are available.

Is it disappointing that they can not drop their lives for the entire time he is in the UK? Yes

Is it unreasonable for him to expect them to drop their lives for the entire time he is in the UK? Yes

The issue at hand here is the entitlement. The world does not stop just because someone wants to visit. We all have to be reasonable and compromise.

If he wants his AC to plan an entire week of visiting, he will need to coordinate with them during a week that works with BOTH of their schedules.

Yes you’re being unreasonable. You want to see your adult children, but you don’t want to pay for a B+B. It’s unreasonable to invite yourself into their homes and expect accommodation. My parents and PiL both did this, my mother in particular. I should have stood up for myself and said yes come, but find a B+B. I didn’t say that but I should have said it.

Unreasonable I'm afraid, they are making time for you and they are allowed to say how much and what works for them. Arrangements like this always means both parties need to be involved in the planning and what works for them

What about the current wife who wants to complete 25 reports whilst on holiday??

Oh I agree about not wanting to give up on his children because of this and have already said so GSM being estranged from your own child and GC is a terrible thing, as I know only too well.

What about her Snowedunder? She'll have work to do during her holiday as many teachers do and is prepared to take that work with her and fit it in where she can.

I supposed it really depends on if you worked with them on dates, or just announced you were visiting at a set time.

I do think your desire to be “most important” over plans your DIL has with friends Is unreasonable. You don’t know how long or hard it has been to arrange that.

If your children invited you on these dates, then left you hanging at the last minute, you are not being unreasonable.

Anything else, I’m sorry but I think you’ll need to adjust your expectations on your importance in their lives.

Good luck

Hithere

We do not know if they have 1 kid or 10 kids.

We do not know if the rooms have an assigned use and are not available.

Exactly.
Just because someone in my family has a large home, doesn’t mean they need to or want to put me up

Smileless2012

It's funny isn't it how some can read the OP as a father wanting to spend as much time as he can with his children and GC, and being disappointed at the amount of time that will be, while others see him as expecting everything to be dropped for him, that he believes he's owed something etc. etc.

I hope Peterson comes back but I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't. Some very harsh and judgemental responses on here.

Very harsh.

Well Grandma is there every week, supporting the family with babysitting and probably in a dozen other ways. The OP has chosen to live away from his family, not having to give any time or energy except what he chooses.

Is Granny to told don’t come this week just so that he doesn’t have to pay for accommodation? Which seems to be his main complaint.

Our kids leave home, get married have their own kids and get on with their life, somes times in another city/country and we then have to fit into their life when it suits them. It can be especially difficult to fit around each other for an amicable time to visit that suits everyone. Also not everyone likes having people to stay with the extra work involved regardless that they are relatives.

As usual, the same people saying children are always right. I think they are being totally unreasonable. If the mother is there every week, it wouldn’t hurt her to miss out for once, as for the friends they can be re arranged, but I would go and accept their conditions and reconnect with them all and it’s not worth causing bad feeling as you will be the once to be hurt. I wonder at these young people where their priorities are. Luckily you have a good life with a lovely wife

Why should the friends be re arranged?

Allsorts

As usual, the same people saying children are always right. I think they are being totally unreasonable. If the mother is there every week, it wouldn’t hurt her to miss out for once, as for the friends they can be re arranged, but I would go and accept their conditions and reconnect with them all and it’s not worth causing bad feeling as you will be the once to be hurt. I wonder at these young people where their priorities are. Luckily you have a good life with a lovely wife

Perhaps granny can be arranged, but only if OP and his wife are willing to do childcare.

I don’t see why DIL should lose out on her friend visit if it was planned first.

"....the friends they can be re arranged"

Why should the friends be re arranged? Planned first, it seems.