Visiting children and grandchildren

No its probably not fair BUT please enjoy fully the little you have with your gc because it's so easy for these situations to explode! My daughter gets stressed with family over night visits we all do short visits and enjoy the time we have. I know others who do not see their grandchildren at all from family fall outs.

We used to stay with our daughter and family but now the children are bigger they have their own space so not enough room for us. We stay in a hotel nearby which is handy for public amenities and this works well. Still see them a lot but we all have freedom to do what we want/need to do.

You want to give up to easily! Our AC seem to have so many more demands on their time than we had. Working and small children, you are probably better off in a B&B, why not go out and explore the area and then make the most of your time with the GC. The friends probably give a lot of support and help as does daughters mother.

I think you are being very unreasonable, your children have said when they can see you and you can stay! They have busy lives too,

Riggie DD always stays with her DB and family at their home when she visits, because she is happy to sleep on the living room floor on the inflatable bed she always takes with her,

DH and I stay in a hotel when we visit because we have reached an age where we need to have proper beds at a standard height and easy access to a loo.

It says nothing about anything but our increasing age. It could be the same or similar for OP and children. Plenty of people use bedrooms as gyms, sewing rooms, studies and just put mattrasses and inflatable beds in the room if it is needed for visitors. Older people may not be able to cope with these adhoc arrangemens someone much younger can.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. All I sense is someone who deeply misses their family and wants to spend some time with them now there is a chance. Maybe they had made plans but they are rarely set in stone and most people would understand particularly given how hard things have been over the last 20 months. It does seem to me that your AC are being somewhat mean-spirited and selfish about it all. Do they know what each other has said to you?
Grandmabatty - why such an angry reply? There was no indication that the AC owed anything.
I do think the idea of treating your wife whilst you stay in the bnb is an excellent idea. Don't give up on your children. Arrive with a smile on your face (however hard the is) and enjoy seeing your GC. I feel for you.

luluaugust He can't give the same help from abroad. Doesn't mean to say he doesn't care or shouldn't be shown some care and consideration. So are you saying that if grandparents can't help out because of where they are geographically, their children should marginalise them? What a sad state of affairs.

'Maybe they had made plans but they are rarely set in stone'

The daughter is at work, she has a job which is why her mom is there to look after the children. She's her childcare, he is welcome after but that's not good enough.

The other family have already made plans and got friends coming down which has already been arranged for how long we don't know? Have they booked train tickets? We don't know.

To expect both sets of families to call in sick from work, cancel on their friends, change all their plans and have no say whatsoever on who stays in their home and for how long for is SO entitled its crazy!

Peasblossom

Well, you made the decision to remove yourself from their immediate lives, to live at a distance and see them when it suited you.
In other words, you did what you wanted to do with your life.

And they’re doing what they want to do with their lives. Just like you.

You haven’t got a leg to stand on really.

You know nothing about their lives that means you can make these judgements. No need to be so judgemental and unkind.

It's not marginalising someone to say they can only stay for three nights.

Or if it is I am marginalising everyone I know.

I totally agree Smileless.
Jane43 I am so very sorry for your pain, it must be so hard being excluded as you are from both granddaughters weddings and lives. Have they just taken on their parents stance in it all?
It’s a bit depressing all this, it seems as if you’re not useful to young couples you’re of no use.
Don’t know what the poster has decided to do, but he can’t win. Just go and make the most if what’s on offer whilst you can.

It’s a bit depressing all this, it seems as if you’re not useful to young couples you’re of no use.

But literally no one has said that.

What has been said, and repeated, is that communication needs to happen for successful visits to occur.

Op chose a time that suited them. The whole “vacation” does not suit the other families involved. They are visiting as they can.

I’m not sure what you expect them to do?

Surely no one would suggest a grandparent cancel all plans so that w child could come visit?

If my adult children had friends visiting , I wouldn’t dream of
gatecrashing , and if I was divorced and caring for grandchildren I would not want my ex and his wife coming to stay.Peterson obviously lives on another planet as he hasn’t returned to respond!!!

Priviliged

Peasblossom

Well, you made the decision to remove yourself from their immediate lives, to live at a distance and see them when it suited you.
In other words, you did what you wanted to do with your life.

And they’re doing what they want to do with their lives. Just like you.

You haven’t got a leg to stand on really.

You know nothing about their lives that means you can make these judgements. No need to be so judgemental and unkind.

Was that unkind? It wasn’t meant to be. Just down to earth and fair.

If someone believes they are free to make choices with their life surely they should extend that belief to others?

We lived 400 miles away from my husbands parents and saw them twice a year. When we phoned and said “We’re thinking of coming down’ and they said “Oh we’re really busy that week” we didn’t get the huff.

We realised they had a life with lots of friends and interests and we realised they couldn’t drop that just because it suited us.

Allsorts

As usual, the same people saying children are always right. I think they are being totally unreasonable. If the mother is there every week, it wouldn’t hurt her to miss out for once, as for the friends they can be re arranged, but I would go and accept their conditions and reconnect with them all and it’s not worth causing bad feeling as you will be the once to be hurt. I wonder at these young people where their priorities are. Luckily you have a good life with a lovely wife

“ As usual, the same people saying children are always right.”

I know what you mean !

I’d never cancel an already arranged visit just to accommodate a later visitor.

I think that’s really ill-mannered and disdainful of the cancelled visitors feelings and arrangements they have made.

I think you'll find Summerlove that Allsort's post @ 16.18 was in response to Jane43 not the OP, she does give her name in her reply.

"As usual, the same people saying children are always right", it does look that way doesn't it.

And the same people who think the parents are always right??

I wouldn't consider a parent who lives abroad, who I've hardly seen because of Covid and the GP my children haven't been able to see, as a late visitor.

It's not difficult to make new arrangements with friends who live in the same country, and I for one would appreciate the importance of my friend seeing a parent they haven't seen for some time.

It would be a very touchy and needy friend IMO who would feel that their visit being postponed under these circumstances, was ill-mannered and disdainful.

Well, put like that I see your point.

But honestly, to me he comes over as someone whose very much used to having his own way and expecting others to jump to it to suit him.

And getting quite miffed if he doesn’t get it.

Both children have made space and time to see the parent?

My Dad is over here and I am seeing him 2 days of that time, as he has other family and friends he wants to visit too. I wouldn't demand more because I haven't seen him for a long time.

At least him not giving me much notice meant that I didn't have to cancel all my half term plans and only had to regig them a bit which my friends of course understand. We are all working households too and I don't get to see my friends nearly as often I as I would like.

I would think anyone who re arranged an already arranged visit in order that someone else could come was just incredibly rude.

Yes, I was brought up to honour my commitments.

I wouldn’t like to be the son telling my wife she had to phone her friends and tell them they couldn’t come because my father had decided to visit at short notice.

?