New man - too much too soon

Morning ladies just to report that last night was actually very nice and the conversation flowed. He wasn’t pushy at all and there was just a kiss on the cheek on my doorstep st the end of the evening. I really don’t know how much I’m attracted to him though but I feel that may grow if I get to know him better.

Oh, I am glad you had a nice evening.

Thanks for the update, glad it went well. The softly softly approach sounds a much better way.

Oh, that's good news.

I think it must be very difficult for older people to get back into 'dating' again. So many things are different from when we were young. I often think I'd have to write Mr Dog a manual if I decided to run off and join the circus. I really think he'd be clueless, and he's a lovely man.

That is great!

Thank you everyone. He seems kind and intelligent (with an understated dry sense of humour) and those are the most important qualities to me now. Did I say he’s 57 and I’m 64? I don’t think he knows I’m older although we were talking about our favourite live music shows last night and I said mine was the Bowie Ziggy Stardust tour in 1974 when I was 16 so maybe he’s worked it out!

Haha Doodledog, are you keeping an eye out for any circuses coming to town?

Haha Doodledog, are you keeping an eye out for any circuses coming to town?

Well, my dodgy knees are slowing my progress on the trapeze, I'm scared of clowns and my attempts at growing a beard have come to nought, so I'm looking for a plan B now?

You sound like fun Doodledog ?

Lovely to hear the evening went well. Better than you feared too. Excellent.
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I think I would say to him that it is a long time since your were dating and you would appreciate it if he could take it slowly and just enjoy each other's company for now.

If he does not get that then he is not the man for you.

Hi again ladies, back to ask for your further invaluable advice! I’m seeing this chap again at the weekend and he’s also asked if I want to go to a concert next weekend and have agreed as it’s a composer and a piece that I love (Bach). He seems very keen and am enjoying his company.

HOWEVER I’ve not been in a relationship for over 10 years and the thought of any sort of physical contact (eg kissing and even holding hands) just terrifies me! How do I handle this? What do I do if he tries to kiss me goodnight after our date on Friday? I don’t know how attracted I am to him and maybe that’s part of the issue? I just don’t know if I can do this, am SO rusty!

When it’s right, you KNOW it’s right.
It’s got nothing to do with being out of practice.
I think you need to tune in to what your gut might be telling you. I’m sure he’s lovely and would make a great friend, but reading between the lines, I don’t think there’s much chemistry there.
Good luck,

Aren't vibes strange?! I feel quite the opposite in that I think there's a gentle chemistry which may well grow into something rather beautiful. Certainly hope so.

Maggie.....I think you are overthinking this. Just try to relax. You can't plan for every eventuality or outcome. Just enjoy each date as it unfolds,

Listen to your heart, let your gut instincts be your guide. You will KNOW whether it's time to move things up a gear. It will either feel right or it won't.

And.....it could well be he's just as nervous as you are, even if he seems ''keen". Give him a break, dont just assume he's going to pounce or push you further and quicker than you want to go.

Just relax and let things develop (or not). Stop trying to pre empt the outcome, you are just tying yourself in knots.

Good luck,

Trust your gut feelings then MaggieTulliver. They are reminding you what is right for you.

So far so enjoyable though!

X posts DerbyshireLass!

Actually on further thinking maybe you are more than happy to have a companion to go out and about with? And that’s great especially if he feels the same!

This sounds so sweet.

That first kiss is almost always awkward from my memory lol

Take it slow, don't overthink

Or

Take the initiative when you are ready and just turn your cheek until then.

It sounds as if you had a lovely evening which is great, but if you need more time to see just how you feel about him, so be it.
You are perfectly entitled to ask to slow things down if you feel he is getting too keen too quickly.

Then even if you don’t feel any romantic vibes towards him but still like him as a friend, well that’s completely fine too.

Plenty of women would love to have a platonic friend to go out with for meals, concerts, outings generally, so at the very least, you may have gained an interesting male friend.

Good luck either way!

Try to relax, and enjoy his company without worrying about the end of the evening. If he does look like he's about to move in for a full-on kiss, and you're not feeling ready for that step, simply give him a quick, friendly kiss on his cheek, tell him you've really enjoyed the evening and hope you can do something else together again very soon. Chances are he's probably worrying himself about how he should say goodbye at the end the evening. If you really like him, I'd probably be totally honest with him and say it's been a long time since you've enjoyed a man's company, and you don't want to rush things and end up ruining something that could be good ... "Let's enjoy getting to know each other properly, and see where it leads". If he's a decent guy, and wanting the same thing, he will appreciate your honesty. Good luck, and enjoy the concert!

I can’t understand why you are seeing him if you don’t want to be in a relationship. He sounds as if he is very interested and not too pushy at all. You are quite able to know if you want to kiss him or not, if you don’t just tell him.

Thank you all ladies. I think I’m just scared and can’t imagine being in a physical relationship again. I’ve totally lost confidence in my body (am 64 with the usual saggy bits and have no idea if my down there bits even work anymore ?), although am often told I look a lot younger. I know I can take it slow and do want to be in a relationship but....

So you haven’t been holding hands yet
You need to hold hands on the way home from the concert, that would be natural, a quick kiss at the end of the evening but don’t invite him in for coffee.
That’s enough to encourage him but not a commitment for you, I found it just like dating as a teen with all the excitement. Don’t put obstacles in the way if it feels good, a girl has to take a risk

Oh that’s nice Katie, no we haven’t been holding hands so that seems like a natural next step. And def won’t ask him in for coffee!

He is trying very hard to maintain your attention isn't he? Perhaps that's in his character, who knows?
Whilst it's nice to be asked out there are boundaries and you need to take control if, and only if, you want the friendship to continue.
I do think that the wine and flowers were a step too far this early but maybe his previous relationship broke down through lack of attention on his part and that's changed his focus somewhat.
I wouldn't put your concerns in a message though, even with careful wording, they can be so easily misinterpreted.
My suggestion...........go out for a meal, drive yourself there and back so you don't have to be in his car and casually bring the conversation around to letting the relationship develope slowly by explaining exactly what you feel comfortable with.
This might potentially turn into a really lovely friendship and it would be a shame to lose that over a misunderstanding.