Should you serve alcohol at an event when there is an alcoholic present?

You should serve alcohol, otherwise, it will draw more, unwanted attention to the recovering alcoholic. They have to learn to live, and cope around 'normal' events, and occasions, where drink is served, not the other way round.

We enjoy Seedlip, both herby and spicy sorts, in preference to an alcoholic drink these days. DH drinks it with Feverfew tonic, but I drink it with soda water as I find the tonics too sweet. They also do ready mixed cans. Seedlip also sent us a sample of Nogroni with one order, as a Negroni cocktail alcohol free substitute, but even I found that too dry (as in bitter). Since then, the nearest supermarket has started stocking them. We live in the back of beyond, and any visitors have to have a driver, so have accommodated them for years with non-alcoholic drinks.

Just make sure there are plenty of alcohol free drinks readily to hand, plus lots of nice nibbles. There are always going to be temptations in life for this family member, and I’m sure the less fuss you make the better. Depriving others of a drink is probably worse than offering fizz at a celebration and make the alcoholic feel really guilty.

As others have said I would serve alcohol and obviously alternatives. Although the non-alcohol versions can tempt recovering alcoholics back to the demon drink so they would need to be careful of those too.

I find it a shame that whenever there is an event alcohol is seen as a must adverts on television promote giving alcohol as a gift when even so called “safe” amounts can do irreparable harm to a persons liver.

I would offer both alcoholic and non alcoholic choices for your guests. It's a tricky situation. Where do you draw the line. Would you expect everyone to eat only fat free/diet foods if one of the party was vastly overweight and had acknowledged it themselves

Hi As an alcoholic myself, you should serve alcohol, but make sure there are nice non alcoholic drinks (not orange juice!!!)

MavisCabbage

I am completely fed up with the fact that alcoholics attract such sympathy. When was the last time you saw a morbidly obese person ( a food addict) treated with sympathetic understanding? The encouragement seems to be towards believing that people are incapable of controlling what they drink but ought to be ashamed of not being able to control what they eat.
In this particular case, l think the alcoholic should not be dictating what everyone else can drink at an occasion.

You have absolutely no understanding of the illness of addiction - and I speak from someone who is an addict - it is nothing to do with will power or control. I have masses of will power and control over every aspect of my life apart from alcohol and other mood altering substances. It's lack of understanding like this which stops people seeking the help and support they need. Don't you think we would stop if we could? We have tried everyday and I can assure you it is totally out of my control. I hope you never become ill with any sort of mental illness.

My son and daughter-in-law decided to go alcohol free at their wedding as dil worked for a church with a homeless shelter in the crypt and there were a significant number of former addicts/alcoholics who were guests. They served non alcoholic wine and champagne and no-one had to worry about the drive home.
I rarely drink these days as I find it often makes me sleepy so I choose to drink alcohol free beer frequently.

Maybe if you lay on some good quality Non alcoholic variants, like the Nosecco, non alcohol beers etc and make up a couple of huge vats of Non alcoholic fruit punches no one would even notice or realise that they are alcohol free? They even do non alcohol 'spirits' these days.

My younger brother is a recovering alcoholic. If it's a small family lunch, we avoid serving alcohol. But a larger event like a wedding, then it's not an option and up to him to make the right choices.

As an add on: I eat a vegan diet (for cancer-related health reasons). I get a choice of vegan food, obviously, but it's never a wholly vegan affair!

Depends what sort of 'event' it is, largely- if its a family/friends big bash party, then id do as suggested and lay on loads of non alcoholic punches etc, and have bottles of both alcohol & non alcohol versions of a sparkling fizz, just for toasts, and if its in a place with a bar then its up to others if they want to go buy their own alcoholic drinks- but if there's no bar, or for a smaller party at home you could just lay on non alcohol versions and tell some family members to bring their own (to keep on their own table) if they want alcohol.?

Some folk just don't like the taste of alcoholic drinks, and choose to just have pepsi or fanta etc instead.so make sure there's a variety of soft fizzy drinks too.

Would I serve alcohol at an event where an alcoholic is present?

Yes.

Neither my sister nor my husband, both alcoholics who made the decision to stay off drink, ever found it complicated by going to an event where they knew alcohol would be served.

For them the kind of event where you hadn't expected any alcohol to be served and then found that it was, was far more likely to provide a pitfall.

However, one alcoholic's experience cannot be used as a guide-line for how others react.

In your place I would serve alcohol, but I would also well in advance contact the person who is trying so hard not to drink and tell them that you hope they will come, but that you would understand perfectly if they find it easier to stay away.

Discuss too with them, what they would like to drink instead.
Some are happy with soft drinks, others either find it embarrassing to be seen holding a glass of orange squash and prefer a glass of non-alcoholic wine or a non-alcoholic beer.

It depends where they are in their recovery. My husband is an alcoholic. He, and those he met in recovery, are fine in environments with others drinking alcohol. As others have said, recovering alcoholics have to learn to deal with that and to take responsibility for their own sobriety. If the person is at the beginning of their recovery though, others drinking can be triggering and could potential lead to them having ‘a drink’ later! The best move if you want to be kind in the situation is to ask the person concerned what they need. They will discuss it with you, I’m sure.

Just make sure attention isn't drawn to the person with the problem by making their non-alcoholic drink obvious. And, try to make the person with the problem have a ready answer for the inevitable question 'why aren't you drinking' ? My DH( in recovery for 15 years) always said it was because of his medication ( and it truth it was because he was being treated for cancer, not connected to his addiction).

Not serving alcohol, which might be remarked upon by someone present, puts an awful lot of 'responsibility' for want of a better word onto the recovering alcoholic. Yes - that person will have temptation in all sorts of settings, so is it not better to carry on as you would normally? Hand the person a glass of sparkling non alcoholic drink, without comment. That seems the kinder and more tactful option.

My husband has an iffy relationship with alcohol but would never expect others to forgo it. At our wedding 12 years ago we had both alcoholic and non-alcoholic fizz plus other drinks both alcoholic and otherwise, and everyone had a choice of what suited them best. Surprisingly, the only thing that ran out was the non-alcoholic fizz, which everyone preferred to the real thing!

These days there are often people drinking something non alcoholic at a social event, for instance because they are driving, so a range of non alcoholic alternatives should always be available.

The alcoholic or recovering alcoholic should not expect everyone else to forego alcohol in his presence. It is part of the recovery to be able to attend events like this.

I would certainly make it an alcohol free event in support of the alcoholic, especially if they were a family member. It’s just one day to everyone else but may mean a heck of a lot more to the alcoholic.

varian

These days there are often people drinking something non alcoholic at a social event, for instance because they are driving, so a range of non alcoholic alternatives should always be available.

The alcoholic or recovering alcoholic should not expect everyone else to forego alcohol in his presence. It is part of the recovery to be able to attend events like this.

I agree.

I would certainly make it an alcohol free event in support of the alcoholic, especially if they were a family member. It’s just one day to everyone else but may mean a heck of a lot more to the alcoholic.
Not unless it is a party in honour of him, which I don't think it is.

If it was his birthday/anniverary then yes, that could be a good idea.

The second answer was to FronkyDonky, should have made that clear.

H1954

It's a major step for the alcoholic to acknowledge their personal situation and even more so to ask for family support. Personally, I have always held the opinion that 'I don't need a drink to have a good time'.
If I were hosting this event I would not serve alcohol at all, there are so many alcohol free options available now and a lovely homemade posh fruit punch might make a nice alternative.
Why would the occasion be spoilt by the absence of alcohol?
I wish the recovering alcoholic well and hope the event is a success.

... I don't drink alcohol, so I'm not saying this from the perspective of one who does - but I think the fact that you have stated that "personally, I have always held the opinion that I don't need a drink to have a good time" is rather haughty and smacks a tad of moral 'superiority'.

I'm sure many people who drink can also have a good time without alcohol - but if they enjoy a drink in a relaxing environment, why should anyone object... or assume that they're only having a 'good time' because they're having a drink?

As for the alcoholic - he/she is possibly going to be faced with many situations where alcohol is involved, and it is up to her or him to just not drink (assuming the host provides alternatives - which most seem to do). Or, refuse the invitation if he/she thinks they might waver.

When I go to dinner with friends who drink I wouldn't dream of expecting them to not serve alcohol just because I'm teetotal. I simply don't like the taste of alcohol, others do and should be free to enjoy what they like without being guilt-tripped.

Riggie

I rarely drink as I'm the family driver; I agree about having a decent choice of alternatives because I don't like squashes or fizzy drinks and am heartily sick of it being water or nothing! In fact I'd rather have a cuppa!!

Same haven't had a drink in decades - I rarely go out anyway but when I do, I ask for something non sugary and non fizzy - end up being offered water and coffee - I usually take the coffee but half the time they have no decaff so I also end up being awake all night!

An alcoholic gas to decide for themselves if they are going to stay dry that day, other people not offering alcohol won't make the difference I'm afraid. My father would have sourced booze in a desert if he wanted a drink. Equally good friends who have managed to stay dry do so despite living with partners who like a drink. Only the addict has the power to resist. My father never managed it. Alcohol may be poison for some, but for others it adds to a happy celebration. No-one has to have a drink just because it's available. I agree, elderflower is usually not too sweet along with naturally light Fevertree.