What would you think if you received this?

With my first, my mother was there with me the. entire. time. And she would not stop talking. All through labor. 3 hours of delivery. When I got home. Just kept talking

freedomfromthepast it can't have been funny but the way you tell it I'm laughing. Could you not have stuffed a nappy in her mouth?

I can sort of agree with them,their baby their rules especially the not rushing round making tea/coffee biscuits as I recall feeling like a worn out tea urn when my son was born many years ago.
The hearts are a little patronising but in these days of covid,winter colds I’d go along with their “requests”

I think that the new parents wishes should be totally respected and adhered to. I am amazed at those who think some sort of "retaliatory action" like no babysitting or whatever, is the best way forward. That seems like a recipe for disaster to me!!

I also think that the method of communication with her mum was unfortunate and on the face of it hurtful. However without any background information about the relationship, one cannot know why that was done.

I think that the "But I am your Mum" comment could be an inability to listen/be told/accept preferences OR could be an instant, hurt, said without thinking response.

Either way, the only way forward seems to me to be to accept the requests and wait, saying that when it is acceptable it would be lovely to visit and meet the new member of the family.

Hope things work out for the family 2old4this

Heartless? To express what she wants after a traumatic, exhausting medical procedure

It’s what’s commonly known as giving birth dear. Millions do it every day. I’ve done it three times myself!

Clarer

When my first child was born my own mum had already passed away. I’d have given anything for her to visit my baby as soon as she was born! My MIL was one of the first visitors at the hospital and it was lovely. My daughter was her first GC and the family made a real fuss of her and me. No one knows when our parents will be taken from us. I hope this very entitled young couple have lots of time with their parents and family…they seem to have it all very perfectly planned out

I hate this guilting so much

I’m sorry for your loss, but just because you want something doesn’t mean others should.

A new mum can die before a grandparent and the grandparents get much more time with the child than the mum did.

Anyone of us could die tomorrow. We all need to make the best choices for us. Not worry about what If someone else dies.

tickingbird

^Heartless? To express what she wants after a traumatic, exhausting medical procedure^

It’s what’s commonly known as giving birth dear. Millions do it every day. I’ve done it three times myself!

5 times, nearly died twice, nearly lost a baby once. 1 forceps, one suction, 2 episiotimies, 2 tears and an emergency section. And I have big hips.

Babies were worth it, mother sitting on the edge of the sofa waiting for someone to make her tea and frowning at my unhoovered floor... not so much

tickingbird

^Heartless? To express what she wants after a traumatic, exhausting medical procedure^

It’s what’s commonly known as giving birth dear. Millions do it every day. I’ve done it three times myself!

Yes, and?

It’s still trauma to your body and physically and emotionally exhausting. That’s assuming you have an easy uncomplicated labour.

I don't see the problem. As grandmother I've already had the joy and the fun, and the terror of bringing my newborn babies home, and now it's the turn of my adult DC to enjoy their babies in their own time, and their own way. Is it really so hard to respect the new parents' request for a little time to get their breath back before having to pass their precious bundle around the wider family? The first cuddle will be just as wonderful at two weeks as at two days old, baby won't care as it will only want its mother, and perhaps mum's stitches and bruising are settling, her milk will have come in, and she'll be a little less scared of handling this new person than she was at one day old. It's not a competition.

Love is supposed to be supporting your children as they transition into being parents...

It’s also about being respectful and understanding towards the parents who have nurtured and sacrificed for you as they transition into old age and beyond. In other cultures elders are venerated not treated like annoyances that are only good for free child care.

It’s still trauma to your body and physically and emotionally exhausting. That’s assuming you have an easy uncomplicated labour

For the snowflake generation obviously!

Calistemon

^With my first, my mother was there with me the. entire. time. And she would not stop talking. All through labor. 3 hours of delivery. When I got home. Just kept talking^

freedomfromthepast it can't have been funny but the way you tell it I'm laughing. Could you not have stuffed a nappy in her mouth?

I laugh about it now. It was 18 year ago this week! So many times I wanted to stuff a nappy in her mouth.

The real funny story is when my husband looked at me and told me how tired he was and his feet hurt. Not the best statement to the person who had been in labor so long they had to hook me up to an IV to give me meds to get it going, then pushed for 3 hours and finally had to suction her out of there.

I get it, he WAS tired and his feet DID hurt. Just not the best timing.

tickingbird

^It’s still trauma to your body and physically and emotionally exhausting. That’s assuming you have an easy uncomplicated labour^

For the snowflake generation obviously!

Good to know you were a medical marvel who healed immediately.

Good for you.

Spare a thought and use that empathy and respect you want for yourself on a younger generation.

tickingbird

^Love is supposed to be supporting your children as they transition into being parents...^

It’s also about being respectful and understanding towards the parents who have nurtured and sacrificed for you as they transition into old age and beyond. In other cultures elders are venerated not treated like annoyances that are only good for free child care.

Love is not transactional.

We choose to have children.

Having children for what they can do for you is wrong.

They don't owe us anything.

If they give back it should be because we earned their respect.

If they give back it should be out of live not duty.

The relationship between parents and their AC should be a reciprocal relationship between adults.

"In other cultures elders are venerated not treated like annoyances that are only good for childcare" and there was a time it was like that here too tickingbird.

Not sure about venerated but there was certainly respect, appreciation and consideration and it wasn't that long ago because that's how it was between us and our parents because we loved them.

Violet Sky

People don’t have children for what they can do for them. The majority love and cherish their children all their lives.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s a certain type of person with a self centred, selfish attitude that still believes they can have their parents at their beck and call as they did when they were toddlers but they can shun and ignore them when it suits. They tend to cry narcissist and go no contact when said parent refuses to jump through their hoops anymore. I’ve never been on the receiving end of it but I know others who have and I’ve read lots on these threads.

As my late mum used to say. “Everyone gets old you have it all to come”.

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Smileless2012

The relationship between parents and their AC should be a reciprocal relationship between adults.

"In other cultures elders are venerated not treated like annoyances that are only good for childcare" and there was a time it was like that here too tickingbird.

Not sure about venerated but there was certainly respect, appreciation and consideration and it wasn't that long ago because that's how it was between us and our parents because we loved them.

What does that have to do with an adult woman labouring and delivering a baby? That is nothing to do with the relationship.

This thread has been very eye opening. Relationships aren't supposed to be transactional.

children do no owe their parents especially during such a private time.

tickingbird

*Violet Sky*

People don’t have children for what they can do for them. The majority love and cherish their children all their lives.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s a certain type of person with a self centred, selfish attitude that still believes they can have their parents at their beck and call as they did when they were toddlers but they can shun and ignore them when it suits. They tend to cry narcissist and go no contact when said parent refuses to jump through their hoops anymore. I’ve never been on the receiving end of it but I know others who have and I’ve read lots on these threads.

As my late mum used to say. “Everyone gets old you have it all to come”.

Not everyone who has boundaries does in fact expect people to then jump for them.

In fact, having healthy boundaries means respecting other people as you expect to be treated.

It’s not about being selfish. It’s usually actually a kindness, so everyone knows where they stand.

tickingbird

*Violet Sky*

People don’t have children for what they can do for them. The majority love and cherish their children all their lives.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s a certain type of person with a self centred, selfish attitude that still believes they can have their parents at their beck and call as they did when they were toddlers but they can shun and ignore them when it suits. They tend to cry narcissist and go no contact when said parent refuses to jump through their hoops anymore. I’ve never been on the receiving end of it but I know others who have and I’ve read lots on these threads.

As my late mum used to say. “Everyone gets old you have it all to come”.

Excerpt that this entire thread is about a orient not respecting and understanding simple request and boundaries Simply because of entitlement.

Smileless. Didn’t just love them. We respected them. Did my mum drive me up the wall? Yes she did. Did I turn my back on her because she often got on my nerves? No I didn’t. Was I with her until her final breath? Yes I was because she was my mum and we only have one.

tickingbird

*Smileless*. Didn’t just love them. We respected them. Did my mum drive me up the wall? Yes she did. Did I turn my back on her because she often got on my nerves? No I didn’t. Was I with her until her final breath? Yes I was because she was my mum and we only have one.

Asking someone not to visit for two weeks is hardly turning your back on them.

If you read through, it’s the grand suggesting that OPs sister turn her back on her daughter.

*grans

Bibbity. Entitlement of the deluded daughter. It’s so funny.

My Mum has a thing about people kissing babies (or not as the case is with her, she was adamant we not let anyone kiss our babies )

tickingbird

*Bibbity*. Entitlement of the deluded daughter. It’s so funny.

It's her body. It's her baby. The mother is nowhere in the occasion in that.

What exactly is she being entitled about? Go on type it out!

She's not asking or demanding anything. So what does she wrongly feel entitled to?

Privacy? Respect? Kindness?