What would you think if you received this?

www.dictionary.com/e/emoji/yellow-heart-emoji/

> The yellow heart emoji, ?, can convey love, just like any other heart symbol or emoji, but its yellow color often gets used to show liking and friendship (as opposed to romantic love).

> Its color also works with expressions of happiness—and with all things yellow, from sports team colors to dresses.

Chewbacca

^am glad I live in the real world where we dont live our lives though social media.^ ?

And yet here you all are, in an online forum, making fun of an entire generation because they do things differently than you do.

I best be more careful choosing my emojis. I've always chosen them on it being cute or suitable. Never intending anyone to read meaning into the colour.

freedomfromthepast

Chewbacca

am glad I live in the real world where we dont live our lives though social media. ?

And yet here you all are, in an online forum, making fun of an entire generation because they do things differently than you do.

No, not making fun at all.

People study this sort of thing as cultural.

I am beginning to think it possible that the emoji in the message have been used in a manner of a language with which the writer of the message is familiar and perhaps uses often, not at all as random decoration, not realising that the recipients of the note do not all understand the meanings intended.

For example, the heart at the end of the line about covid. Is it grey? Perhaps it is intended to mean "please be careful" or something like that.

I agree with you elderlyperson. And I know you werent making fun of it, but others were.

This is a very serious topic when it comes to the youth of today. They literally have entire conversations in emoji. It is like a learning a different language, and then learning all the alternative meanings of each one again. It is also very interesting when you think that emoji really weren't used regularly before 2011.

I had to learn some of it because I have teenagers. I consider it an adapt or be left behind scenario, like any other advancement throughout history.

Lizbethann55;
I chuckled when I read what you said about birthing plans, because I wrote down something similar myself but crossed it out as I couldn’t face the GN flak. Even more interesting a situation is where author of said birth plan has instructed the baby’s father to enforce the “no pain relief, no Caesarean, plan” when she has had a change of mind and is yelling for an epidural…….
Sometimes wiser not to set plans too much in stone.

I think what many are missing when they focus on the “rules” aspect is that it’s very unlikely new parents will find written rules necessary unless… they are necessary . I think the majority of overbearing mothers don’t realize they are as such - particularly when it comes to situations like these.

If your adult child has issued a written list of rules, it’s because they felt a document to manage expectations was needed. A new mom who completely trusts her parents/in laws to respect the new parents’ boundaries doesn’t send out a letter like this. Someone who respects their adult child’s boundaries and rights doesn’t respond to them with, “but I’m your mom.”

Another issue people have questioned is why this was in writing rather than in conversation. Have you never had situations when an issue was so important, emotional and anxiety provoking that you felt you needed to write your thoughts down to get your message across clearly and completely? Have you never feared you would be interrupted and backed into a corner while trying to express those thoughts?

All I can say is I wouldn’t want her as my daughter. What she says isn’t so unreasonable, it is the way she has said it. Perhaps their phones don’t work. I would go on a nice long cruise and maybe find time to visit after a couple of months.

freedomfromthepast

Chewbacca

am glad I live in the real world where we dont live our lives though social media. ?

And yet here you all are, in an online forum, making fun of an entire generation because they do things differently than you do.

Wrong. I’m not bothered about the emojis, I use them myself (imagine that) . It’s the tone.

Lizbethann55

To a certain extent this missive reminds me of the mums to be who write their birth plan in great detail, citing where when and how they will have their perfect labours, usually calm, meditative (after all haven't they been to all those hypno classes), pain free and needing no intervention. Yet a few hours in are screaming for whatever pain relief is the strongest and yelling "just get it out".
Having idealistic plans is all well and good, but no one knows how labour and the early weeks of parenthood will be. Cooing babies and serene bonding parents is a beautiful idea, but in reality the sight of a beloved parent on the doorstep with home cooked meals and cakes to pop in the freezer and the offer to take baby for half an hour so the parents can have lazy baths , long overdue naps without having to listen out for every tiny whimper and then being told to sit down while the GP makes and serves coffee, is the sort of bliss that the idealistic parents to be can't yet imagine longing for.
I do understand where they are coming from, but I think they have approached it wrongly.

Lizbethan55, I couldn't agree more!

rafichagran said, ... "I am surprised this thread is still going, I am so grateful I know no one like this Mothers daughter, my immediate family, my friends, people I work with, no one talks about boundaries and rules, and they certainly would not have sent such a stupid text."

I often wonder if the term 'boundaries' being used, in respect of family relationships, is yet another Americanism? No offence meant to Americans, but it's not a term I had ever been familiar with until I started using GN. It's certainly not used amongst any of my family or friends, and I'm not only referring to my own generation, or my parents/grandparents generation, but also amongst my own ACs generation ... thank goodness! I always think it's such a degrading term to use.

Of course, whatever the parents want they have a right to choose, but sending a note like that to your mother ... really?! What's wrong with calling, or popping round for a chat with your mum to discuss how you feel, and why you and your partner have decided you'd like things to happen in a particular way?

I totally appreciate that none of us know what kind of a relationship this particular mother and daughter have, but it makes me think they may not be particularly close, otherwise they wouldn't be sending a message in this way.

Just to go off piste slightly…. I also do think some mother daughter interdependence can go overboard, I was always surprised at all the pregnant women who had to have their mother with them at antenatal check ups and even in the delivery room ?,

I can never understand why mothers should be present if there’s a father. That is a very lovely moment between the three of you, meeting your child. Some mothers are so pushy they can’t bear to be left out and invariably it leads to problems between the couple. I think fathers need to establish that very early on so it doesn’t become an issue. A lot of young fathers are pushed out by mil.

In fairness my neighbour was in the delivery room with her daughter. I would hate that, and my daughter knew not to ask me.
I suppose its personnel choice, and some teenage Mothers without a partner would find it comforting.

I often wonder if the term 'boundaries' being used, in respect of family relationships, is yet another Americanism?

No, it’s not.

I’m sure when your children were small, you taught them about boundaries, even if it was not a word you were familiar with at the time - no hitting, that’s not your toy, if someone tells you “no”, you stop. And just as importantly, that they can say “no” too.

GG65

*I often wonder if the term 'boundaries' being used, in respect of family relationships, is yet another Americanism?*

No, it’s not.

I’m sure when your children were small, you taught them about boundaries, even if it was not a word you were familiar with at the time - no hitting, that’s not your toy, if someone tells you “no”, you stop. And just as importantly, that they can say “no” too.

GG65, I guess I didn't explain myself very well. Of course I know the word, and the meaning, but I was specifically referring to the use of the term 'boundaries' when it comes to dealing with grandparents.

We are not children, who need to be taught how to play/share/listen to adults/etc. Most of us are mature, understanding adults, who have brought up our own children, and know what it's like to become parents. In that respect, when I hear new parents talking about 'setting boundaries' for the GPs, I find it all rather disrespectful towards their own parents, as though they are dealing with children who have no idea what parenting is all about ... as though they invented it themselves.

I totally appreciate that there are some GPs who overstep the mark, and need to be told about it. I'm simply saying that I dislike the term that so many new parents (mums generally) seem to like to use, but thankfully, I've not personally come across it being used within my circle of family/friends, ever.

I suppose Covid makes things different but I would still be hurt to get a message like this. My DD shared her babies with me from the very first day. She had her second at home and the day after she was born I was there helping with the older one, making them food and clearing up the kitchen. I also got a hold when they were ready. I know people can be very touchy and possessive about their first born but this seems over the top to me! Nothing to be done though- I’m sure they’ll be calling on you when they find things difficult and want a break!

I have a friend like that Lucca she wanted to be with her D when she had her first baby; s.i.l.put his foot downand quite right too.

I agree GG we've all put boundaries in place but have managed to do so without using the word.

I can’t see the problem except it doesn’t meet the gran’s expectations. The note went out to everyone. It’s not personal. I think it’s lovely they are wanting 2 weeks to themselves (maybe it ties in with paternal leave?) The no kissing rule is very sensible (herpes can kill a baby) I’ve been politely asked not to kiss my last 3 DGC when they were small. It might be harsh to say this, but it’s their baby - not yours. You’ve plenty of time to see it. Give them the space they are asking for.

freedomfromthepast

Chewbacca

am glad I live in the real world where we dont live our lives though social media. ?

And yet here you all are, in an online forum, making fun of an entire generation because they do things differently than you do.

No we're not.

Just about this message from a very earnest young couple.
I expect they will have a birthing plan too, plans set out for how to bring up baby, they will never have a toddler who has tantrums or the thunderous threes.

I do hope this baby meets their expectations.
Having met a couple or three very earnest young parents, they can be quite discombobulated when their babies don't conform to their plans.

My DD is due my second grandchild next year and I am trying to encourage her to do something similar!
She was exhausted with the flow of visitors after DGS was born. Her partner is self employed so couldn’t take much time off. The time he did have off was making tea & coffee for visitors
The kissing thing is totally understandable too. Not only because of Covid but because of viruses such as herpes simplex virus which causes cold sores. Newborns simply can’t fight this and can/do die from a simple kiss from a well meaning person.

Much as I would/will be itching to get my cuddle of my newborn grandchild, I hope my DD has the confidence to send such a message should she wish.

I also think the fact it was written by text, and included emoji’s is because this couple know people are going to feel hurt and wanted to ‘soften the blow’
I have sent texts when I should have spoken to people about difficult subjects because I don’t cope well with confrontation.

My DD1 suffered a psychotic episode a couple of years ago (no previous mental health issues) and it took months of therapy to get her to where she is today.
She was always eager to please others, had difficulty saying ‘no’ like a lot of us. But in order to protect her mental health going forward, she has learnt to say no, learnt to not constantly people please, and do whatever she can to prevent another episode.
We can’t teach youngsters that ‘it’s ok to not be ok’ etc, yet then get upset when they set out boundaries.

Good idea, Flaxseed - I wish I'd been able to help my DD do the same and so did she in the end.

Here is a lesson for your DD in how not to word it

"do hope this baby meets their expectations.
Having met a couple or three very earnest young parents, they can be quite discombobulated when their babies don't conform to their plans."

What an absolutely ridiculous statement. I do hope you didn't pull a muscle with that stretch.

Smileless2012

I have a friend like that Lucca she wanted to be with her D when she had her first baby; s.i.l.put his foot downand quite right too.

I agree GG we've all put boundaries in place but have managed to do so without using the word.

My bloke says his wife always insisted on “her mother” coming along to every party, every holiday…….