What would you think if you received this?

Smileless2012

"every holiday" happens with this friend of mine but TBH her D is just as 'attached' to her as she is to her D Lucca.

Your post this morning at 10.02, now that's the way to do it, no need for a list of do's and don'ts, just a simple message of what the plans are, preferably given verbally.

Sniggering and goading for one's own entertainment sums it up Calistemon neither helpful nor constructive add rather distasteful that someone could find the prospect of someone being distanced or estranged entertaining.

And of course we have narcissism thrown in for good measure.

And again where am I sniggering?

I do find forums entertaining. Why else would I spend my time here?
Are you not entertained and enjoying yourself when engaging.

Where am I goading? I am contributing to a discussion just as everyone else it.

No, I don't find people talking about personal situations that they find upsetting entertaining or posts that are deliberately goading entertaining either.

Kate1949

Brilliant MissA

i was always advised"don't go down to their level" ! So easy to think tit-for-tat but this only serves to set up animosity and believe me- we're ALWAYS the loser.......

Well if you don't enjoy being here and engaging in posts you do you.

But I do enjoy the discussions and I enjoy the debates. It's a forum. This is what it's built for. I couldn't care less if blank names on a screen like or don't like me.

It's the other way around. bibbity is being goaded and having comments twisted.

With that and the "hilarious" thread takeovers, it's not helpful to the discussion and the importance of respecting a new mums wishes.

Witzend

Bibbity

"do hope this baby meets their expectations.
Having met a couple or three very earnest young parents, they can be quite discombobulated when their babies don't conform to their plans."

What an absolutely ridiculous statement. I do hope you didn't pull a muscle with that stretch.

I don’t know about ‘ridiculous’. I’ve heard of prospective new parents who confidently state that their baby will have to fit in with their lifestyles, and will make very little day to day difference. ??

One instance I was thinking of is a friend's DD and SIL whose first child arrived with the rule book - he really was a 'text book' baby and is now a delightful child who conforms but their second one was a shock to the system and still is (just as delightful of course).

My DD threw the rule book in the bin soon after DGS arrived ?

I can think of many instances

"having comments twisted" exactly. I didn't say I don't enjoy being here Bibbity I stated very clearly what I don't find entertaining.

Like Bibbity I find forums entertaining, especially when posters start bickering amongst themselves! It becomes a school playground!

Smileless2012

"having comments twisted" exactly. I didn't say I don't enjoy being here Bibbity I stated very clearly what I don't find entertaining.

entertainment
/ɛntəˈteɪnm(ə)nt/
Learn to pronounce
noun
the action of providing or being provided with amusement or enjoyment.

But that is the literal definition of entertainment.
So I was right to use entertainment. And now I wonder why you are so worked up over how I feel about what I do in my spare time.

That message is a copy and paste! It's been doing the rounds on the mum groups! It crops up constantly! Emojis and all!

Oh dear, so not even a personal message to convey the new parents' wishes to their friends and supposedly loving family.

How impersonal.

Bibbity

No it's absolute ridiculous.
Where did they mention their parenting?
Where does it mention how they plan to raise their child?

Let's just be clear here. All we know is that after a baby exists her body a woman wants to go home and recover in peace.

That's it.

And yet here are comments about how she will fail as a mother basically.

And yes almost every new parent is shocked at how hard parenting is. Nothing prepares you for the reality of it.
That's not a bad thing! But these generations are sure as hell doing a better job than previous ones.

How many hear hit your children? Assaulted them. How many put them in cots and left them to cry. How many put them on feeding schedules and started solids early?

Yerse....quite...I can only imagine that all the b*tchy grans have never learned the word "no" ? Why all the indignation and faux upset? Back off, you've all had your turn , probably messed up a bit now and then, but always learned hopefully from your mistakes , let the next gen do same without being a pain in the proverbials.whats the rush? Think yourselves lucky we have camera phones facetime WhatsApp etc to send live footage that in the past would be considered witchcraft ???

Calistemon

^That message is a copy and paste! It's been doing the rounds on the mum groups! It crops up constantly! Emojis and all!^

Oh dear, so not even a personal message to convey the new parents' wishes to their friends and supposedly loving family.

How impersonal.

Why does that matter? It fit the bill for what she needed. Who cares if she came up with it or someone else. Job done. Everyone on the same page. If they aren't happy with it they can manage their own feelings. She doesn't have to care about such pointless things.

Gransnet is entertaining and occasionally educational.

There are no prizes for winning arguments by any means

My health visitor told me to get rid of the book I had when our first son was born Calistemon and he was a 'text book baby' too.

When I visited my s.i.l. two weeks after her baby was born, the poor thing was exhausted and really struggling. She had the same book so I told her what my health visitor told me and she threw it in the bin.

A week later she was a different person. No longer stressed out because her baby didn't conform to the one's in the book. She was going with the flow which is the only way to manage.

"She doesn't have to care about such pointless things" let's hope that those in her life don't feel they don't need to care about such pointless things as her feelings.

The "books" and advice now is not about how the baby should behave but the parents.

Ensuring we are responsive and safe. Non negotiables really.

But it does matter as its just turning posters against each other then the thread starts being toxic!

Smileless2012

"She doesn't have to care about such pointless things" let's hope that those in her life don't feel they don't need to care about such pointless things as her feelings.

Not over such ridiculous and petty matters no. Imagine being so selfish to think "what about me" over the health and well being of a brand new mother and her baby.

I expect pregnancy books in the past were a bit of an issue, they were in the past where all the funny ideas about all sorts of things existed.

Bibbity

Exactly. We accept that generations before were told wrong information. Some relationships are ruined due to it and that's unfortunate. You know better you do better.

Which is what The new mother is doing.
We have learnt that a mother being left alone is better.
Breastfeeding rates went up during lockdown. Many believe it's because mother and baby were left alone.
I also read something that PND also fell but I haven't seen a source for that.

She is doing what she has been advised by those who know better.

That message is a copy and paste! It's been doing the rounds on the mum groups! It crops up constantly! Emojis and all!

You also read something that PND also fell

Where? A very quick google will take you to links to the reports of various respected bodies saying exactly the opposite. Too many for me to have to paste a link.

We accept that generations before were told wrong information. Some relationships are ruined due to it and that's unfortunate. You know better you do better.

Perhaps also accept that future generations will be very clear about everything that the current one is doing wrong.

Like I said I believe it was local and I never saw a source. But I know on an anecdotal level and my in my personal life many women found it better.
At the time of lockdown my youngest was 5 months. I also have two older children.

I loved it. I thrived much better. It all came at the perfect time as my mat leave finished in lockdown so I didn't return to work until well after a year.

Maggiemaybe

^We accept that generations before were told wrong information. Some relationships are ruined due to it and that's unfortunate. You know better you do better.^

Perhaps also accept that future generations will be very clear about everything that the current one is doing wrong.

Yes...literally the point.
Right now we safe doing what science is telling us is best. And we hope that it continues to do better for future generations.

But it's posters here who don't seem to accept that things have changed and that a new mother should do what is best for her and her baby and not her demanding mother.

A lot of mothers did report that lockdown gave them better bonding time as a family which does tie in with the needs of the new mum in this post.

Good for you. We can all give our own anecdotal evidence, it means nothing. I could give you chapter and verse of my own daughter’s experience as a first time lockdown mum, and that of her friends in her virtual NCT group. Completely different to yours, but they prove nothing.

This, though, speaks volumes:

www.itv.com/news/2020-12-18/how-covid-restrictions-are-fuelling-a-postnatal-depression-crisis