What would you think if you received this?

Well mum just needs to listen really Madgran because this is not the time to be stressing her daughter out. A 2 week wait to hold the baby is not a bad thing when that's what her daughter wants and needs.

I do think dads being at home for at least a week has made a big difference, in the past if mum or MIL didn't turn up the new mum was often on her own. Tell your sister to go with the flow, I agree with others who think she will be summoned before the two weeks are up. When she does go she could take a flask of tea with her!

Another thread on here is about dil being swamped by an overzealous take over mil. So many threads like that on Mumsnet as well so daughter probably wants to lay some ground rules first and obviously she is worried for baby’s well being. Everyone knows where they stand. I’m surprised that mum doesn’t feel able to ring up dd and chat about it - maybe their relationship isn’t all it could be.

Well mum just needs to listen really Madgran because this is not the time to be stressing her daughter out. A 2 week wait to hold the baby is not a bad thing when that's what her daughter wants and needs

Um, I didn't say it was a time to be stressing her out, did I? I just said that we don't know what the background relationships are.

Madgran77

*Well mum just needs to listen really Madgran because this is not the time to be stressing her daughter out. A 2 week wait to hold the baby is not a bad thing when that's what her daughter wants and needs*

Um, I didn't say it was a time to be stressing her out, did I? I just said that we don't know what the background relationships are.

Sorry can you explain what you mean by this?

Another factor here is the use of social media to disseminate information

Much more effective in the busy lives adults have.

Much if this is common sense and absolutely should not need saying.
A LFT is an obvious thing to do (in the same way that you do not go to see a new baby if you even have a snuffle. You do not expect “hospitality ” from a new mum and you wait to be invited . Although most new parents can hardly wait to so off their new baby, nevertheless when that is to be is up to them.
You don’t kiss a new baby, you wash your hands before holding it if invited you do so .
If it is not seen as common sense then it clearly needed saying and sone responses suggest not every new grandparent sees things this way, but I personally might have been hurt if my D had felt “rules” had to be established and that she could not trust me to show consideration and respect by myself.

Sorry can you explain what you mean by this?

Your comment appeared to suggest to me that you thought I was suggesting it was ok for mum to be stressing her daughter out. So I was just clarifying that I was not suggesting that, I was just saying that we don't really know anything about background relationships.

In my view the wording of the message is a bit clunky, but the content is spot on.

This young lass did speak to her mum, not once, but twice, and it seems to me that her mum refused to get the message. What else should she do, but put in writing what she wants so that everyone is clear about what’s expected? She’s softened the blow by promising FaceTime and updates - good for her I say.

Precious.

Madgran77

*Sorry can you explain what you mean by this?*

Your comment appeared to suggest to me that you thought I was suggesting it was ok for mum to be stressing her daughter out. So I was just clarifying that I was not suggesting that, I was just saying that we don't really know anything about background relationships.

Sorry, I really don't understand why you would think that at all. It doesn't make any logical sense. Hope you are OK.

Common sense doesnt mean the same for everybody

I don't know what DD would think of this, it's so different from our relationship. I wasn't going to rush to see her first baby but SiL picked me up and took me to the hospital before she'd even come home and we just carried on from there. She wasn't that bothered about "bonding" just getting a bit of sleep was her main priority. I think she just relied on the fact that she and her brother had survived my attentions without any noticeable damage and she would always have dealt with things face to face rather than weird written messages.

Hithere

Common sense doesnt mean the same for everybody

Really?
What part do you think anybody would not view as common sense?
Allowing the new parents to decide when they want visitors? Not kissing the baby? Washing hands? Testing against infection? “Expecting” cups of coffee or whatever?
It seems to me that if a grandparent takes exception to any of this - or hasn’t thought of it first themselves - they are not putting the new mum and baby first, but themselves
Perhaps that is at the root of some of the Mother/ Daughter or DIL tension we see , namely that some grandparents cannot see that it is no longer all about them
The sad thing is that it should need saying at all.

grannyactivist

In my view the wording of the message is a bit clunky, but the content is spot on.

This young lass did speak to her mum, not once, but twice, and it seems to me that her mum refused to get the message. What else should she do, but put in writing what she wants so that everyone is clear about what’s expected? She’s softened the blow by promising FaceTime and updates - good for her I say.

Thank you for pointing this out grannyactivist. I thought maybe I was reading something different than others on here.

The DD did in fact talk to her mother twice and, it seems, the mother refused to hear what was being said.

I would have put it in writing too.

"She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......"

I think that most people would see the list and think it is common sense. But the statement above would lead me to believe that the mom in this case expects special treatment because she is the DD's mother.

Try not to stress. Look outwards to other things.

How interesting this thread has turned out to be!
Some comments on the topic heading, others drifting off into speculation of their relationship and making assumptions.

The question was ‘what would you think if you received this’……
Thank you to those who kept to the topic.

Like Brian Cox said this week, I could be the best father in the world, but it means nothing. Hang back grandmas . Ask for a photo. Then watch as they call you, re, feeding sleeping, etc shows up on your text. They got a shock coming..

Freedom at 00:12

Exactly

2old4this

How interesting this thread has turned out to be!
Some comments on the topic heading, others drifting off into speculation of their relationship and making assumptions.

The question was ‘what would you think if you received this’……
Thank you to those who kept to the topic.

OK, here is what I would think if I received this.

These are appropriate and understandable boundaries that need to be followed. I want to keep my daughter and granddaughter safe and support my daughter in the way SHE needs it.

I would also think, why would my daughter not feel comfortable in communicating these to me directly? Do I need to call her up and let her know that I support her boundaries and have a conversation with her about her feelings on the matter?

maybemaw
My MIL cried when she was reminded to wash her hands before touching baby.

She was a nurse.
Common sense for some is rude and unkind to others (they also came to hospital sick)

freedomfromthepast

"She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......"

I think that most people would see the list and think it is common sense. But the statement above would lead me to believe that the mom in this case expects special treatment because she is the DD's mother.

I think this perfectly illustrates my point about some Grans who don’t realise * it’s not all about them* any longer.

What would I think if I received that message from a daughter?
To be honest my first thought would be,"How bl**dy rude.
However I would say nothing and comply.
When DD1 and son-in-law expected their first baby they said they wanted to be on their own for the first 2 weeks and suggested I book a flight to visit 2 weeks after the expected delivery date which I did.
Baby arrived at the same time as my flight! The new parents returned home from hospital looking pale and absolutely exhausted. I made a pot of tea and was given a full account of the proceedings! Then I kept out of the way but walked the dog twice daily, cooked dinner, shopped etc. It wasn't long before I was asked to change diapers and bath the baby!

I find an awful lot of over dramatising on this thread. From all sides! The rigid rules about “bonding time” etc from the prospective parents for example, the grans who say the new parents will be “desperate for help”…. They’re having a baby, it’s not all exhausting traumatic etc etc. But the round robin text/email etc is just OTT. Talk about sucking the joy out of it all!
In answer to the OP question, what would I think ? I’d think my son or daughter and partner had been abducted by aliens and replaced with two people I didn’t know.