Exhausted with entertaining grandchild

I should add that I'm 70 and usually look after the children at our home or theirs (easiest) but don't take the children out to places where I don't want to go. I hate those soft play places, noisy and dirty - but a good playground or meal out is enjoyable for all of us.

I see my grandkids as often as possible. I saw my grandson on Friday morning as his sister (5) was in school. We went to a soft play area as it was wet. I am never allowed to sit and I have to chase him around the tunnels, slides, webbing bridges and steps. Then he chases me. Then he “saves” me when I shout “Spider-Man, help!”, and he grabs my feet and pretends to pull me down the steps/slide etc. I am the only 60+ person I have ever seen to use the equipment. I make sure I am wearing stretchy clothes that keep me covered, and a Tena pad, and at the end of an hour, I have a happy little boy and my month’s exercise quota has been completed. Then we go back to see mummy and he has lunch and I drink a big glass of wine.

I wish I had your problem...sighs.

PS. I agree that they shouldn’t have our attention every minute of the day. Have different ‘ sessions ‘ arranged, and, as they mature, tell them at the outset the likely ‘ timetable’ for the day, which can include ‘ together and alone ‘ time.

We used to have our first grandchild to stay for a week or more a
at a time (DiL had poor health for a while) and found it tough but do-able. But that was more than 10 years ago. I now have three more GC and am honest with their parents that we find it tiring. I'm happy to help for a morning or an afternoon, or to babysit when they are in bed. However I've been honest with my DC that we don't feel able to take on as much as we used to.
Obviously we'd be happy to help in an emergency but don't want regular full-day commitments.
My DD in particular does appreciate the help we give her and has organised proper childcare. When the children are older we hope to be able to help more, but she would never expect more than we're happy to give.

It is all consuming at times. I have five DGC now ranging from 17 to 8 years. Now, I only have the youngest two staying over. I used to have the local three to stay for 2/3 days at a time, and wonder now how I coped taking them out and about by myself. When the two from further away came to stay, two of the others would want to stay as well! One of my worries was being responsible for them! However, I was also aware that these times were precious, and cherish the memories. As others have said, they grow up and away, as is natural. I’ve had the 8 year old, at least a day a week since she was born, as I retired then. She used to call them the grannydays. At Christmas, I gave her an album of photographs taken on her days with me. I’ve done the same with the others, although their pictures are more general. I hope they look back some day as fondly as I do, though I realise that the pleasure is more ours than theirs. It’s hard work, for sure, but worth it.

I agree with you, it’s just too much. You should put yourself first and suggest nursery care. I can’t look after mine either.

Peasblossom

Going to be hit over the head with the Gransnet shovel, but personally, I don’t believe that constant adult attention and involvement in play is good for children.

An adult can never enter into that state of absorption and make believe that is an essential feature of children’s play. Adults are always wanting to move things along.

From a professional point of view the most difficult children in the classroom were those who could not do anything unless there was an adult with them. I vividly remember one little boy who didn’t know he could look at a book without his “grownup”.

Can I suggest OP that you leave him to play with trucks and trains by himself, just getting on with something of your own but being available to take notice when he makes a comment or shows you something. He probably will talk nonstop while he’s doing it but a lot of the time it is to themselves and they don’t really care whether you join in. In fact sometimes it breaks their absorption.

Anyway, enough of the early childhood lecture. ?? Breakfast awaits?

Absolutely this. No child needs 100% adult interaction every waking hour. Leave them to play with toys alone. You may well be making a rod for your own back.

Peasblossom I completely agree with you. A well written post. And yes, however loved they are, little kids are tiring and can be boring at times.

I'm sure when I was a kid, adults didn't feel it was their job to "entertain" children. Leaving us to find our own entertainment led to us having the imagination to make up our own games and find hobbies, and even just have time to sit quietly and think. Of course child needs some adult interaction to be challenged, appreciated and socialised, but I think one or two hours a day playing directly with them is enough - or should be!

I used to take my granddaughter to a drop in playgroup, the volunteers even cooked lunches! We then came home for a nap. We would go shopping, play in the garden or park, and play indoors with toys. I don’t know whether it is still available in the shops but the Happyland or Happy Street which was originally from Mothercare was wonderful for the imagination. We bought some second hand from eBay. It is great for all children. Play food and a play kitchen was great fun too, and the Duplo dolls house with furniture. I was not one to be constantly playing with children, I had chores to be getting on with, but I would be chatting while busy. We had a routine too as we had to collect her older brother from school.

It is exhausting but, on the up side, every time you do it you are getting a day closer to when he can amuse himself more. By this age, we used to go to a drop in Mothers and toddlers group or a play area where I could have a cup of coffee whilst the grandchild played and I recovered.
Just a word of warning...do not be tempted to take him to one of those trampolining places without a large supply of Tena Lady and a physio. Lesson learned here!

I feel your pain. It is exhausting and I'm only 60. I have the local grandchildren quite a lot but only for short periods, at the most overnight. The much further away ones come for 2 nights usually and it is exhausting however much we love them. I have quite a selection of toys, mostly from charity shops. My best decision was to change the shed into a toy room. They have paint in there, a dolls house, a Barbie house and a big kitchen (all from charity shops) and it's the first place they want to go. Good luck. They will all soon be grown up.

Some of us have our grandchildren living far away, and don't get the opportunity to be asked to babysit or see our gc.
I haven't seen mine for over 2 years now because of covid.
Just enjoy the time you have with yours and yes it can be exhausting
I have had to entertain mine, after 34 hours of travel to Australia

I always have been of the mind that children have to learn to entertain themselves. Mine were played with constaas babies maybe up to when they were really competent toddling after that they would get their own stuff out and busy themselves and if they mithered too much I would redirect them into another activity but not constantly config with them, that's not do able whilst not having one's head explode! GK much similar when they used to visit, I had day planned to extent and activity ready to be used. If DGC didn't want o paint or build, I would matter of factly say " well this is what we're doing this morning" then tell her what's coming next so she didn't feel corralled. It worked and she learned structure and had started to do 'tidy up time' herself by 2 1\2 enjoying anticipating next activity, even if it was quiet time! Just a few ideas , hope this helps.x

Well said Peasblossom Playing independently is part of a child's development.
Last week I babysat my 3 yr old for a few hours - we played with lego, & made cookies.
After a quick tidy-up we sat down to test our work with a coffee / glass of milk whilst watching Hey Dougie - we both fell asleep. A lovely afternoon.
On longer days a walk or trip to a play park go down well or a short shopping trip can be fun and beneficial to both parties.

Storynany
You made my laugh with your tea break, I do exactly the same ! Never has a cup of tea lasted so long. I don’t think it hurts them though to know you need a break, even if their a bit impatient.
I was first a grandma at 45, then two more little ones at 58 I’m 64 now, phew what a difference ! Their so lovely though,I’m determined to enjoy it while it lasts.
They never want to go home so we must be doing okay. Just having plenty of cups of tea, jigsaws and craft which we can do sat at the table and a bit of tv. It’s much easier in the summer.

Peasblossom earlier this morning was so right. Kids need to learn how to entertain themselves! They need to discover things for themselves.
When I was a young mum it was easy to tell which toddlers/preschoolers were constantly kept occupied by mum/granny etc & those were self sufficient & able to keep occupied with age appropriate toys or an activity. My daughter’s play group remarked to be how “self sufficient” she was & I have to say I was jolly glad too.
How did our mothers manage? My mum & dad never played with me or my much younger brothers.

I only ever have mine overnight for 24 hours ( 2 of them together or my other GC on her own) ....yes it exhausts me?.... I think your age plays a part too....I was 50 when I became a granny....my friend was40 when her first GC was born and she copes better than me.

We used to look after my grandchildren every week before they moved away recently, and from a very young age. We set up a "non negotiable" routine with Granny and Grandpa from very early days, so that it became what the Children expected; they will adapt according to the expectations of whoever they are with. It was actually very similar to what I set up with our own children. So a typical day/2 or 3 days with our two grandchildren when they were 3 and 2

If staying and got up early - box with a few picture books and some toys available (non messy) and expectation of playing with these when woke up. Didn't always work but over time playing happily extended to 30 minutes or so.

1. Breakfast at the table, sit and chat whilst we had a cup of tea. Teaching them how to spread their butter etc on toast etc. keeps it going nicely without being particularly tiring,

2. Play time with us with a usually pre planned activity unless grandchildren had particular thing they wanted to do with us/show us

3. Coffee break for adults; milk/small snack for grandchildren whilst listening to a story tape or looking at a book

4. Outing maybe to park, the library or whatever

5. Lunch - in a cafe or coming home for lunch

6. TV time - 30 -45 mins of C beebies, rest/break for adults! Younger one was still having a nap after lunch and once that stopped she just joined TV time.

7. Free choice time as in kids pick what they like from a selection of things stuck around to catch their attention so they were choosing rather than "being given something to do". This develops the idea of responsibility for their own amusement rather than always expecting adults to provide everything!! !

Activity choices might include: (With large waterproof tablecloth on table!!)

Play dough put on table with cutters and rolling pin
Box of duplo
Paper and pencils
Painting pot of water and magic painting sheets
Age appropriate jigsaws
Colouring sheets of favourite characters from C beebies or from favourite books
Box of pictures and glue and paper for sticking
Magazines and children's scissors to practise cutting
Paper with straight lines drawn on and children's scissors to practise cutting along the line ( or just snipping away any old how!!)
Box of feathers, felt balls, bit os tissue, bits of f9oil, glue and paper for sticking
Large roll of paper rolled out. Large felt pens to scribble and draw all along the roll of paper

The point is that most of these activities need a presence whilst done but not necessarily full on playing and less and less supervision will be needed as he grows and as he gets used to how you do things

I used to have a box of things and each week would take over a couple so that some of things were different from what was always at their house available to them. At our house a few things would be put on table or floor for them to choose from.

8. Possibly another walk or reading a story together or playing a game

9. 20 minutes TV whilst getting tea or helping us get the tea. Eating together whilst chatting.

10. Getting ready for bed. Quiet activity followed by story and bed time.

We continuously developed the idea that with us we spent some time playing with them and some time not, whilst they amused themselves.

Our two grandchildren are very much used to being continuously amused and having continuous adult attention (that is NOT a criticism it is just a different style of parenting to what we did) so it is interesting that they were perfectly able to adapt to loving but different expectations of what would happen when they were with us!

Good luck Mamou, I hope you can get a balance for yourselves , enjoy him whilst also not wearing yourself out

You are right, it’s exhausting ! I love mine dearly and enjoy doing all of the suggested indoor/ outdoor/ noisy/quiet activities mentioned. I was an infant teacher so lots of ideas up my sleeve but...... oh my word it’s hard work when it’s a long day. I find the early starts the hardest bit. I sleep badly and get my best sleep period between 5 and 9 am so having to be up before 7 to go round to start day care once a week is hard.
Our first lot of daycare was 11 years ago when we were younger and did find it so much easier then.
When I want them to play by themselves for a while I tell them it’s my tea break and they have to wait until my cup is empty! After about ten minutes they start coming over to peer in it to see how much longer I will be. I drink it very very slowly.
I also make good use of the tv.... so many lovely children’s programmes on these days. I feel no guilt.
If a parent didn’t want me to do this or that, I would be “ not available” on the required days.

Peasblossom

Going to be hit over the head with the Gransnet shovel, but personally, I don’t believe that constant adult attention and involvement in play is good for children.

An adult can never enter into that state of absorption and make believe that is an essential feature of children’s play. Adults are always wanting to move things along.

From a professional point of view the most difficult children in the classroom were those who could not do anything unless there was an adult with them. I vividly remember one little boy who didn’t know he could look at a book without his “grownup”.

Can I suggest OP that you leave him to play with trucks and trains by himself, just getting on with something of your own but being available to take notice when he makes a comment or shows you something. He probably will talk nonstop while he’s doing it but a lot of the time it is to themselves and they don’t really care whether you join in. In fact sometimes it breaks their absorption.

Anyway, enough of the early childhood lecture. ?? Breakfast awaits?

Entirely agree with you, Peasblossom. Well said.

Dabi

I find that Grand-kids can keep you younger - Mentally, physically and spiritually. Just like any endeavor that improves you, it's a workout. I do remind myself that whatever activity I may have planned for them, they area really only learning from me, how to interpret the world, create, build imagination and feel safe.

Agree! I struggled to get up from a kneeling position pre DGS. Now, I'm up in a flash to get after him and whatever mayhem he's creating.

Before the pandemic I spent 3 days a week looking after GC. Monday was DD3s son at my house. Wednesday was DD2s 2 children, 1 at home and 1 at school so school runs as well. Thursday was DSs 2 children also I at home and 1 at school with school runs. I hated getting up early but otherwise loved every minute. Yes I was tired but always fine the next day. I was so upset that this couldn’t continue. All the children are at school now and their parents are mainly working from home. This was all I wanted to do during my retirement and I’m still struggling to occupy myself. I loved my job but have no other interests. I need to be busy and to push myself.

It's the wrong time of year at the moment but I remember growing peas in a pot in the garden. My two grandchildren spent over an hour picking the peas, shelling them and then eating them raw. They loved it.

Another thing to wear them out is to take them to the park, find something like a waste bin and say 'the world record for getting to that bin and back is two minutes'. Get your watch out and watch them run!