My grandkids and my ex husband's mistress

Adultery is never excusable except in rare cases. I've told my husband if I get dementia like my mom I absolutely encourage him to pursue relationships if he meets someone. Our kids know this

Cheating though, is right up there with stealing someone's inheritance or title theft, or any other situation where you harm someone through deception. Someone who does this deserves no respect and cannot be trusted.

If your marriage is that bad, divorce first. Cheaters deserve no respect or trust, not only from the ex but from anyone.

I’m right there with you! (married 17 years). It’s been 18 years (divorced) and I am still physically ill at the thought of being around them at my grandkids birthdays. It opens all of those old wounds once again. We will never be one big happy family, and I’m ok with that. Your feelings are valid.

As other GNs here have poined out, it's your husband who should he blamed for behaving badly during your marriage - far, far more than the woman involved. To put it clearly - he owed you everything, while she owed you nothing. (While morally she behaved badly, it wasn't "personal". Presumably she didn't know you?) Please let go of this hatred and move on; as the child of divorced parents, I know how caustic this can be. (My parents are dead and I'm a pensioner & grandma now.) IMO your place as grandma can't be usurped!

I have been divorced from the father of my three children for 30years, after a couple of years when things had settled down we both agreed that the children deserved both of us to act like adults, he remarried and I met his wife and we both made an effort so when ever there is any family get together we all go ,there has never been any ill feeling life is too short. I am now remarried and my ex and my husband get on very well which is lovely. It has been worth all the heartache and pain we went through for us all to be there for our children it makes life so much easier for everyone . I would add that my ex had several affaires which is why I divorced him so he was no angel but I am so glad we made the effort .

Mariemal55 I'm sure it's very painful, but 11 years is a long time to be harbouring resentment. Your ex husband broke his vows but he's now married to her and that's it. That's the reality and it's up to your daughter how this proceeds. I'm shocked she wasn't at the wedding. Most split couple I know have had their new partners/ wife at their kids weddings. You may find some counselling will help you move on.

I didn't notice this thread is 3 years old🤣

It is incredibly hard but as others have said, if you are fixed on visibly harbouring a grudge, you'll ultimately only hurt yourself. I don't think its as easy as "letting it go" but you can decide not to let the bitterness that you feel fester. You dont own your GC and at the end of the day if you really love your daughter and your GC you will do whatever it takes to foster grace and harmony. It hurts...it's unfair, but that is what happens when we really love our kids. Sorry i know its not what you what to hear. Moan and rant to your closest friends but dont bring toxicity into your family.

Gran32

Oops i wasted 10 mins of my time on that one!! I wonder if we'll get an update!

The absolute priority is that you maintain a good relationship with your DD and GC. You must do all you can to achieve this. Nothing else matters.
Keep that at the forefront of your mind.