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Not planning to have a funeral

(120 Posts)
pattieb Mon 21-Mar-22 14:44:17

Hubby and I are from small families and don’t have many close friends.

We are thinking of having direct funerals.
Our two children don’t have a problem with it.
I do worry that when the time comes they’ll struggle with closure etc.

I’d love to know others plans, thoughts etc.

FlexibleFriend Mon 21-Mar-22 14:46:38

I intend to do the same.

Grannybags Mon 21-Mar-22 14:47:30

I don't want a funeral either.

I have told my sons but also said if they would prefer me to have a 'proper' cremation then that's fine with me.

After all I won't know about it will I?!

lemsip Mon 21-Mar-22 15:04:00

and me too.

ShazzaKanazza Mon 21-Mar-22 15:06:05

I would like to do the same and I think my husband as well. I’d like my kids and families to go on a lovely holiday with the money.

Juliet27 Mon 21-Mar-22 15:08:06

That’s our plan too….and as the kids live the other side of the world I think they’d be far happier not having to make detailed arrangements.

MissAdventure Mon 21-Mar-22 15:10:38

It's not at all unusual these days.
Whatever works for you and your families circumstances.

Juliet27 Mon 21-Mar-22 15:15:24

Sometimes when I first wake up my vision seems to be moving up and down until I blink. Anyone else had that?

Riverwalk Mon 21-Mar-22 15:19:13

I'm not having a funeral but am aware that I need to afford my sons and siblings some sort of closure.

My plan is to have a direct cremation then soon after my ashes to be buried/scattered at my mother's grave, to be followed by drinks and food at the pub where we went following mother's funeral.

GagaJo Mon 21-Mar-22 15:23:12

My mum had a direct cremation. We're going to scatter her ashes and remember her in the summer, at a time of year she would have enjoyed and in a place she loved.

TBH, I don't think a funeral is of any psychological use. Grief is grief.

Aveline Mon 21-Mar-22 15:27:50

I think that funerals are for those left behind. Families may want some form of farewell and I would be fine with whatever they want -after all, I'll be dead!

Kim19 Mon 21-Mar-22 15:31:07

I'm for private. Plan is 2 sons deal with cremation personally (I've given them cash) and then tell everyone on my (pecking order) telephone list of my departure. They're fine with this. Me too.

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 21-Mar-22 15:40:19

We had a Direct funeral for MIL due to Covid restrictions in early 2020! MrOops
and his siblings were all fine with it, (I wasn’t, but it wasn’t my call) but her Grandchildren werent, as the ashes still haven’t been scattered they are getting more upset about it.
However, as my sister in law did all of the running around for her parents whilst they were alive we have conceded that it’s up to her to have a ‘scattering ashes ‘ ceremony when she feels happy about it.
MrOops and I have said we also want a direct funeral, but from the looks that passed between our daughters I would say they aren’t happy about it, so we are going to leave it up to them.
We won’t be here and I don’t think it gives closure, having said that I went to my parents funeral, I wouldn’t have been comfortable for them to have a direct funeral.
I am conflicted!

tanith Mon 21-Mar-22 15:45:34

I’ve told my children my wishes for a direct funeral but left it up to them so if they feel the need for a funeral so be it.

Rosiebee Mon 21-Mar-22 15:49:00

Decide whatever you want, write it down, put it away if you want, but make sure family know where to find your plan. Sudden deaths are made so much worse when the ones left behind in addition to the grief are left with worrying about what the dead person would have wanted. I'm going for a traditional funeral. I've chosen music to come into/ go out with, hymns, a favourite song. Not being in the least bit morbid. Death is the one thing we can be sure of and family know where to find details, hopefully in many years to come. DH and I are having our ashes kept until we've both shuffled of the mortal coil. They will them be mixed together with soil and a tree planted over us.

VioletSky Mon 21-Mar-22 15:49:02

I don't want a funeral, I'd rather they all went out together for a big meal instead

Grandma70s Mon 21-Mar-22 16:02:23

I don’t see any need for a funeral unless you want a religious service. I’m with VioletSky- a big meal is better!

When my father died 20 years ago, that is what we did. My brother printed out some photos covering our father’s life - starting with a sailor-suited four-year-old in 1911, finishing 90 years later. He hadn’t changed much! We made short speeches about his influence on our lives. It was a lovely occasion.

Redhead56 Mon 21-Mar-22 18:36:24

I have discussed similar for cremation my husband thinks a funeral is more suitable. I think my family should just get on with their lives as they are so busy.
Funerals are an expensive and pointless old fashioned tradition that don't suit everybody. I would sooner the cost is kept down and maybe they could go for a nice family meal.

Tulpia Mon 21-Mar-22 18:54:26

I am definitely happy to not have a funeral.

Yammy Mon 21-Mar-22 19:36:59

No funeral for us either. Cremation then the family can do what they want. We are a small unit anyway and live a long way from most of our friends who are our age.

Shinamae Mon 21-Mar-22 19:42:36

Pure cremation for me, then when my ashes are returned be it the next day the next month or the next year but when my kids and their kids are ready they can take me to scatter me on the beach I spent a lot of happy years on when I was a child then on the way home I want them to go for a slap up meal and raise a glass but the important thing is when they are ready….

Iam64 Mon 21-Mar-22 19:42:54

My funeral was raised by my children after my parents died. We had trad funerals for them several years apart. Both left wills along with requests for one particular hymn.
I understand and respect the views here but I’ve been fortunate to go to some good funerals - all of which concluded with excellent food, fun and mutual loving support

ginny Mon 21-Mar-22 19:53:13

We have told our family that we would like to be cremated and do not want anything religious.
I’m sure they will follow those wishes
Other than that it is up to them.We won’t know what actually happens

Barmeyoldbat Mon 21-Mar-22 20:51:56

We are the same, both going to have direct funerals and a gathering and party with scattering of our ashes. At the moment my daughter is on end of care with her illness and has only a few days left. We are planning her funeral and have decided to have a direct funeral with ashes being scattered with her dad, nan and other members of the family. Afterwards, if the weather is fine we are going to have a picnic near the beach she loved. We, as a family have taken the decision and I hope they will do the same for me and Mr B.

Grannybags Mon 21-Mar-22 21:08:01

Barmeyoldbat flowers