Not planning to have a funeral

My mother died unexpectedly four weeks after my father. I’m an only child so had to make the arrangements. She had already paid for her funeral and I knew where she wanted to be buried but as to hymns and music I had very little idea. I will leave details of what I want to save my son, also an only child, feeling as helpless as I did. It will be a church funeral.

Baggs

I find the idea of planning, or even just thinking about, one's own funeral really weird. Any of my nearest and dearest who outlive me can do what (or what little) the hell they like and they know that. The funeral or non-funeral, after all, is for them, not me.

I don’t find it at all weird. I’m doing it so my boys don’t stress . Just a vague list of suggestions .

Barmyoldbat I hope your daughter,s passing is peaceful ?

So sorry Barmey. I hope the end is peaceful. It’s the wrong way round isn’t it.?

My husband and I are leaving our bodies to medical science -we signed up for it about 15 years ago. My brain might be of interest..... I had 5 clots on 3 parts of it last July, and now I've got a Meningioma.

Barmyoldbat I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and the sadness and grief you must be suffering. We are not meant to see our children's start and finish in life. I saw how that affected my mother and I hope the weather stays sunny and spring like so that your daughter can drift away with sunshine and flowers to accompany her.

HowVeryDareYou

My husband and I are leaving our bodies to medical science -we signed up for it about 15 years ago. My brain might be of interest..... I had 5 clots on 3 parts of it last July, and now I've got a Meningioma.

Please be aware that you do need to have a Plan B just in case the medical school won't accept the body. This can happen for any number of reasons (it did with my mother) - they may already have their full quota of bodies, or it may not be the 'right' type of body they need at that particular time. The only instruction my mother had left was that she wanted her body to go to science - so when they didn't accept it, I was left floundering.

I'm quietly confident my children will do as I've asked. They know how important it is to me and they both agree with and understand my thinking on the matter. They will undoubtedly support each other.

My dad passed away March 17th 2020…just before we all locked down…he wasn’t religious and wouldn’t have liked a fuss. We decided as a family on a “no fuss cremation”…returning his ashes to mom about a month later.It was the right thing for us to do at the time. Once we got his ashes back it felt like closure if that makes sense.

I have paid for my no fuss funeral with Pure Cremation. there is no service, they collect the body, cremate it then deliver the ashes to your chosen next of kin. so so much cheaper than an ordinary funeral as there is no service, no mourners, no flowers etc.
Family do not have to travel distance to attend. I have told mine to have a knees up and to spread my ashes under a nice tree. This is so much easier for everyone.

I am out of step with most folk here because I think a funeral is definitely part of the grieving process.

My late brother's money minded wife decided to get rid of my brother's body like a bit of rubbish. He died in America so it could be they think differently there, but the sense of loss for me has been profound and long lasting.

Just my opinion.

I've got the brochure for a cremation in my car, I must have a look at it. Organising the funeral for my husband was so painful, I don't want my kids to have to go through that.

If I get my way I'll have a direct funeral...My hubby and children say I'm being selfish as that's not what they would want....Discussions are closed for now.....xx

Our funerals have been on funeral plans for some years. If they hadn't have been I would have gone for a direct funeral now too.

We are with The Co-Op for ours on monthly direct debit. Unfortunately, we needed to use my husband plan 4 years ago. Such a relief we had it because without it the costs upfront would have been difficult to meet.

I finish paying mine at 70. No point changing my mind on it now, as it will be a waste of money.

I also have one of my insurance policies earmarked for our sons for a holiday abroad together, with their families, to scatter our ashes together in our spiritual homeland.

My eldest will clear up everything will wise and knows where the will, my wishes etc and paperwork to deal with everything is. I know he will do it to the letter. My other 3 are fine with that so no arguments will be had

Blondiescot

HowVeryDareYou

My husband and I are leaving our bodies to medical science -we signed up for it about 15 years ago. My brain might be of interest..... I had 5 clots on 3 parts of it last July, and now I've got a Meningioma.

Please be aware that you do need to have a Plan B just in case the medical school won't accept the body. This can happen for any number of reasons (it did with my mother) - they may already have their full quota of bodies, or it may not be the 'right' type of body they need at that particular time. The only instruction my mother had left was that she wanted her body to go to science - so when they didn't accept it, I was left floundering.

This happened with my mother as well. We had a very hastily planned and unsatisfactory crematorium service. . We didn’t know then that it was possible to have no service whatsoever. By the time my father died, we did know so that was much better.

I dont care. I won't be there!

You would think that the hospital might ahem... dispose of bodies which are left but not needed.
I would definitely leave mine for research but I don't want to end up hanging around in limbo with nobody wanting me.

My direct cremation is bought and paid for, there will be cash put aside for a wake and the kids can do what they like with my ashes. If i happen to be in a position where I know that I have only a certain length of time to live then I will have the wake first and attend it myself.

I'm still unsure what to do. My sister is having a direct cremation and then a scattering of her ashes, that's it. There is only her and I left in the family, we both have no children so it makes sense.

Be very careful where you spread someone's ashes. I live in a seaside town and there is a lookout spot where people spread ashes. It used to be a nice place to walk your dog but now unfortunately you and dog get covered in ashes.

Annaram ooh, not nice.
I have recently been wondering if there were regulations about the spreading of ashes.

I think they're fairly relaxed.
Along the lines of "don't get caught".

I don't want a funeral. Both my daughter's know my wishes and I am sure will do as requested. I can't think of anything worse. My daughter's and their families don't need to go through all the palaver of a funeral. My sister passed away 2 weeks ago and her funeral is tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it at all. Church service ,Graveside service and meal afterwards.

I was thinking of having a 'disposal'. My cousin had one for her dad a couple of years ago. Basically just close family and the deceased have a service and then the cremation. Having arranged my mums funeral last year, I realised what a lucrative business it is. Mum had an oak veneered coffin for £450 and everything else ran into a few £thousand, but I could have ordered the eco-friendly cardboard one also for £450, go figure! When I go, I'll be whooping it up over the Rainbow bridge, so I don't want family members having to fork out for an expensive send off.

Thanks MissA

Nipsmum I totally understand.
There is no way that I could cope with a meal.
I’ll be thinking of you.