Not planning to have a funeral

At 18 I donated my body to medical science but am now in a dilemma as they’re less likely to want me the older I get and more likely to die of something common. 2nd preference is for the simple cremation option which I’d like to pre pay so my sons don’t have to do the organising but will have wasted my money if medical science want me.

Bereavement rituals are important to prevent the onset of Prolonged Grief Disorder or Complicated Grief which can result in the paralysis of normal life for those left. However, such rituals are not set in stone and if all involved are happy with the proposed arrangements then no problem. Working throughout the pandemic as a bereavement therapist I can say without hesitation that not being able to say goodbye under one's own term has severe psychological repercussions.

Barmeyoldbat ? x

No funerals here either, decided long ago. Some people seem to want 'closure' but imo funerals are torture for all involved.

I discussed this with my son. He said “don’t worry, mother, I’ve got a shovel!”
Cheeky!

Nannina

At 18 I donated my body to medical science but am now in a dilemma as they’re less likely to want me the older I get and more likely to die of something common. 2nd preference is for the simple cremation option which I’d like to pre pay so my sons don’t have to do the organising but will have wasted my money if medical science want me.

Don’t worry, Nannina your body could be used to teach medical students. They use cadavers for that so it won’t matter if you die from something common

I shall buy (soon) a prepaid cremation only plan,with my ashes delivered to my elder son. With my will I shall put a request that he and his brother scatter the ashes at one of a choice of places, important to me, when convenient.
The current over pricing of traditional funerals may well drive millions of people to cremation only or the cheapest possible woodland burials. Victorian habits need to come to an end.

Have already bought a direct cremation plan, nice and simple, not many people to attend a funeral. told daughter to go for a meal instead

Cremation for me, no service of any kind. Son knows where to scatter my ashes (if he hasn't forgotten).

Thinking of you Barmeyoldbat
My father requested a direct funeral. He died in December 2021. I had no issues with "closure".

This prompted me to ask my husband what he thought. His response: "When I die, I am not telling anyone." I cannot stop laughing.

We recently had an unattended cremation for my husband, followed by a small non-religious service; and scattering of ashes at a natural burial ground.
We only had the service because he wanted it-my SIL and I are both happy to be directly cremated, with nothing to follow.

We have decided exactly the same it seems to becoming more and more common. We would like our ashes scattered together by our sons and their families on a nice day out . So that should give closure for them in a pleasant way.

For me, funerals are about learning more about the person who has died and paying respects publicly. It’s such a positive thing to discover more about someone’s life and to show you regarded them highly. It’s all very well to talk about ‘days out’, ‘parties’ and ‘scattering ashes’ but many of those who attend a funeral would not necessarily be invited to these, much smaller, affairs and so would have no chance to tell relatives how much the deceased meant to them . It must be a source of comfort for families to see how dearly their relative was regarded.

Thinking of you Barmeyoldbat ?

All I want is my immediate family to hold me n high regard. No one else's feelings matter to me. I don't want to put even immediate family through a funeral service, I'm still scarred by my Dad's funeral and vowed I'd never attend another. I did actually attend my cousins because my Sister begged me to go with her but I paid no attention and left as soon as possible. I think modern day attitude to funerals is much healthier, parties, days out etc so much better than the doom and gloom of "Yesteryear". For me it's a private affair not a popularity contest. I hated all the cars and flowers and all the "show" that it used to be. No one should wait till they're dead for people to learn about them and know who they are, bugger them they don't matter.

I had a direct cremation for my lovely man.
It took the pressure off planning funeral, wake etc. I bought a bench for the local common which he was mainly responsible for it being allocated LNR. A tree was planted nearby, funded by the local council. A small tree planting ceremony with celebrant was held. A year ago yesterday actually. In his name £1,579 was raised for Butterfly Conservation.
I may still have a Celebration of Life for him as many have asked. One lovely thing is that an exhibition of his wildlife photography was held from Sept to Jan last year.
All these things helped.
I used Pure Cremations. They were wonderful. His remains were delivered by courier to my door on Christmas Eve.

I want a traditional Anglican funeral service using the old Prayer Book. I have chosen hymns and other music and then i will be cremated. I have written it all out because none of my children go to church. Before my husband died he told me to have the funeral service as i am a believer and he wasnt but felt a traditional funeral would be best for me. I confess that when my sister died in Australia i was heart broken as she, like me, wanted to live to 90 and missed by 2 days. Then her only child told me there would not be a funeral as most of my sisters friends were already dead and i could not manage the journey to Adelaide from London. I was very upset that there was no rite of passage marking. She was directly cremated. It was quite a few months before i got over that but realise that the way our children want to mark our passing is their decision. I am not frightened to die but interested in the afterlife which nobody wants to talk about. I must tell you that in the West Indies funerals are big and loads of people attend. Religion is important on this island and i know of no local people who do not believe in God. So traditional funerals are spoken on on the local lunchtime news.

We contemplated this for a family member with few surviving close relatives but when it came to it was too hard. I couldn't do it. We felt we needed a funeral and had a non religious service that was lovely

I have bought a funeral plan so that my 2 children don't have to make any decisions at a time of grief. I want a very traditional church funeral followed by burial beside my 2 parents. I will leave money in an envelope to cover costs not covered by the plan eg Flowers, meal, etc. I want my soul to be prayed for by family and friends in a nice ceremony and then laid to rest beside my parents. I realise this is very different from most others who've posted but I want a dignified end to my life and not just disposed of.

I have attended the funerals of two good friends in the last 18 months.
The service at the crematorium allowed family and friends to share a time of huge sadness, to be reminded of our friends' specialness and their lives. We wept, we laughed , we shared memories, we comforted one another & we said goodbye. One funeral was at a time when we could not have a wake the other we were able to have a longer time to share in the company of mutual friends & others who also loved & knew our friend. Funerals & wakes are significant for me in marking a life.
Neither of my parents has a grave/ memorial & that is not a problem for me but I know for others that is very important.

Barneyoldbat Thinking of you

Thank you Fannycornforth.

I absolutely agree ScotGranny3. Same here.

I’m another in agreement with ScotGranny3. After my parents funerals, my children talked with us about our wishes.