DDIL doesn't use the clothes I buy for DGD

luluaugust

At four months the baby doesn't really need anything other than basic clothes. In future just buy when you are out shopping with her nd she can choose, otherwise don't bother. When DD1 was born we had so little money I was grateful for anything but astonished when elderly an aunt turned up with a shocking pink and an orange babygro, it was 1969.

I would have loved a shocking pink and orange babygrow.
My gifts for our first baby were mostly frilly nylon dresses and matching pants!!

?

Gave up buying for my gc. Found many items still with tags put aside for charity shop at DDs house ( not just from me but from other relatives). When I mentioned it she just said they got put away and now too small. Don't fall out with her just don't buy anything else.

At four months the baby doesn't really need anything other than basic clothes. In future just buy when you are out shopping with her nd she can choose, otherwise don't bother. When DD1 was born we had so little money I was grateful for anything but astonished when elderly an aunt turned up with a shocking pink and an orange babygro, it was 1969.

My DD's step-granny (my step mother) got really offended when I took things that she'd bought back to the shop for an exchange, even though she'd given me the receipt! She told me she'd rather I gave the stuff away than exchange it. I thought that was stupid and ignored what she said.

She had very classic taste and I liked modern things. Same old, same old.

My DGS wore a lot of black, white and grey as a baby. Modern taste and although I didn't see it at first, he always looked lovely. Times change.

Are you helping out your DIL, GrannyBL - in practical ways? Offering to look after the baby at her house for an hour, whilst she has a rest? Or offering to get shopping for her? She’s probably exhausted, with a new baby. On the other hand, she may be coping well, and prefer to be getting on with it on her own, with her husband, your son.

MawtheMerrier

^Are gifted clothes being gifted as if there are non-fungible tokens being retained by the donor and the donor is making an investment in the clothes and expecting or even requiring a dividend of observing the gifted clothes being worn on a regular basis? Is that what this is all about?^

Actually no. But if it gives you pleasure, or passes the time to overthink things and come up with “Auntie Jane” scenarios and “non- fungible tokens” , then feel free.

The OP wrote It is upsetting to me,

So the OP is expecting something in return, namely seeing the child wearing the clothes.

It is upsetting her to the extent that she has posted about it here.

So, I fear that she may at some time blurt it out to her DDIL.

Where does that lead? Who knows!

No use later thinking "I wish I hadn't said that to my DDIL."

Better to quietly let it go now lest it gets blurted out with whatever unpredictable results to which that might lead, maybe decades of anguish and regret.

Actually Calendargirl while I totally agree your point perhaps presents a couple of random times a year rather than Christmas and birthday!

It's a case of reading a person's behaviour and reacting accordingly.

I think I disagree, maw. Why would anyone post such a "problem" on a social media board unless they were somehow invested in the results of their gift-giving?

It's a total non-problem. Dil doesn't use the clothes you buy for DGD. So stop.

??‍♀️

Are gifted clothes being gifted as if there are non-fungible tokens being retained by the donor and the donor is making an investment in the clothes and expecting or even requiring a dividend of observing the gifted clothes being worn on a regular basis? Is that what this is all about?

Actually no. But if it gives you pleasure, or passes the time to overthink things and come up with “Auntie Jane” scenarios and “non- fungible tokens” , then feel free.

I was happy to put both my daughters into anything that was clean and fitted. We laugh over some of the outfits now, they looked pretty hideous at times and I also cut their fringes so they had dreadful haircuts too. It really didn't do them any harm and they both wore school uniform when they started school until the sixth form. tbh I was much more interested in what went into their heads than on their backs. Thank goodness they were young before the days of fb and designer clothes for children. Sadly things have changed so I have let parents buy for their offspring and I always ask what the GC want for gifts, preferably with a link so I get it absolutely right. I think putting any spare cash away in a savings account is a really good idea or even better, spend the money on buying something nice for yourself, many children have far too much these days!

At 4 months old babies still have a tendency to cover their clothes in dribble, sick, poo, etc. I remember not wanting to put any "outfits" on them at such a young age. A simple vest and bodysuit is all that is required - chuck it in the washing machine an hour later!

Babies get far too many clothes - the OP is buying them, probably other grandparents, aunties and uncles etc. Just stop giving mum things she really does not need.

Over twenty years ago when our first granddaughter was born I went over the top buying things.
At one time, my husband, who to be honest isn’t overly sensitive to such things, said she would probably prefer to choose things herself (daughter not granddaughter) and seeing this was probably true, I backed off.
I’m still not entirely certain he wasn’t trying to stop me spending money, but I think he was right, and with all the others, I have asked what is needed.

MawtheMerrier

Humour is by definition funny.
I think this is taking the proverbial and secretly (or openly) patronising and laughing at other people’s relationship issues.

No, that is not my nature. I never laugh at other people's problems. I am a vegan who respects the feelings of people and animals.

If the daughter-in-law is being given lots of clothes by various relatives and they are all miff-prone about seeing the child wearing the clothes they have given, the daughter-in-law may well be trying, not necessarily with a computer system, to have the child wearing the given clothes so as to try to appease the miff-prone relatives and keep everybody happy.

Perhaps it is miffness and overemphasis on things like this that are the tiny things that eventually lead to estrangements and the anguish of estrangements.

Are gifted clothes being gifted as if there are non-fungible tokens being retained by the donor and the donor is making an investment in the clothes and expecting or even requiring a dividend of observing the gifted clothes being worn on a regular basis? Is that what this is really about?

I hope that the OP considers whether miffness over this is like the saying about a butterfly flapping its wings resulting in a tornado and pulls back lest this tiny issue triggers a row at some time and that leads to estrangement.

Don`t take the pleasure away from your dil, it is so nice to buy something for one`s own child. Give her money instead. You had the pleasure and deprived dil

Lucca

GrannyBL

I see them several times a week and see photos almost daily. I VERY rarely see her in something I got her. By very rarely I mean 5 or six times in 4 months. And three of those times were the same outfit (which apparently she did like).

The child is only 4 months old ! How many outfits can she need or wear?
Seems like far too much focus on clothes nit to mention quite a lot of visits….

Count your blessings GrannyBL. There are grannies on this forum who live in different countries than their adult children so rarely see them or their grandchildren.
There are desperately sad stories of family estrangement. You have frequent direct contact plus daily photographs . What on earth is driving this desire to see a 4 month old babe in clothes you bought?

Has she told you she never used them? You may be missing them unless you see them every day.
If she has, don't forget that small babies grow really quickly.
Also, I know I had things my own children never wore because the weather was wrong, the outing was wrong, the fabric was not so nice etc.

I bought some (I thought fabulous) items for my grandchildren recently whilst in America and don't think I've seen any of the girls in any of them! I obviously got the boys right as they are in them all the time - so am content with that!
It's not just you.

Humour is by definition funny.
I think this is taking the proverbial and secretly (or openly) patronising and laughing at other people’s relationship issues.

GrannyBL

I see them several times a week and see photos almost daily. I VERY rarely see her in something I got her. By very rarely I mean 5 or six times in 4 months. And three of those times were the same outfit (which apparently she did like).

The child is only 4 months old ! How many outfits can she need or wear?
Seems like far too much focus on clothes nit to mention quite a lot of visits….

MawtheMerrier

StarDreamer

I can imagine a daughter-in-law, sat at a computer that is running Microsoft Access. Two databases, one of records each of an item of clothing and the name of the donor, the other with records each of a day of the forthcming year and the name of a donor to please.
The lady then gets the computer to print out a report showing a roster of which clothing items the child should wear each day so that all the donors are happy.
I know, I know, but how far is that just fanciful?

Fanciful by a country mile

It's geek humour!

Show me one parent of young children who has the time or inclination to go through this palaver.
Fanciful

StarDreamer

I can imagine a daughter-in-law, sat at a computer that is running Microsoft Access. Two databases, one of records each of an item of clothing and the name of the donor, the other with records each of a day of the forthcming year and the name of a donor to please.
The lady then gets the computer to print out a report showing a roster of which clothing items the child should wear each day so that all the donors are happy.
I know, I know, but how far is that just fanciful?

Fanciful by a country mile

SD/EP
A child addressing a female friend of his or her mother as Auntie is not uncommon

Well it wasn’t uncommon when you were a child, but a child would address MIL as Grandma, or Nana or Mamie or some other grandmother word.
How is addressing a MIL as auntie more appropriate? How would it not give rise to even further confusion or need for explanation .
Mum, why do you call Grandma, “Auntie Jane” when she isn’t your Auntie?

Weird!

I can imagine a daughter-in-law, sat at a computer that is running Microsoft Access. Two databases, one of records each of an item of clothing and the name of the donor, the other with records each of a day of the forthcming year and the name of a donor to please.
The lady then gets the computer to print out a report showing a roster of which clothing items the child should wear each day so that all the donors are happy.
I know, I know, but how far is that just fanciful?

Daisymae

Open a savings account and put the money that you would have spent in there. Might be useful when she goes off to college!

This is the best advice