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Non Attendance at school

(36 Posts)
purplehead Tue 05-Jul-22 08:44:00

My 13 year old grandson is often having days off school saying he has a headache / stomach ache or something else - not always true
My daughter has spoken to his head of year and has been told not to worry too much about this as he is at an awkward age with hormones and having missed lots of school time due to the pandemic
When she thinks he is not really ill she takes away his x.box and cancels any treats he is due to have but says that he just accepts this
He has lots of friends at school and she doesn't think anything is going on (like bullying) that would upset him
She has told me she can't physically force him to go but is at a loss to know how to deal with this
Any advice would be appreciated

Callistemon21 Tue 05-Jul-22 19:38:51

I do think, though, paddyann that some children could get out of the habit of going to school, especially since the pandemic when they might have quite enjoyed being at home, doing their schoolwork well but perhaps in two or three hours.
It could become a habit in some cases.

Finding out the cause is essential but just a general reluctance to go might require firmer treatment.

I don't think this particular school is handling this at all well.

Fennel Tue 05-Jul-22 19:43:34

Eldest daughter teaches in a senior school in the SE. She says that the staff are having extra training in how to deal with bullying. which is evidently increasing.
Meanwhile here in the NE we have, doing gardening for us, a single mother of a 15 yr old boy who was being bullied by a gang of 15. She took him out of school 6 months ago to help her.
We definitely need a new look as to how to prepare our teens for the outside world. Via an educational Programme.

GagaJo Tue 05-Jul-22 19:51:09

That's great paddyann, but we live in a different world now. My niece should have been in school. She was an academic girl and she's chucked her education away and ruined her future. It would have taken a lot of support and help from the school, but she could have been in there, working, instead of in bed. I blame my family for allowing her to throw it away. Losing her dream.

I agree that teenage years are a bad time for education. For many, many children. However, it is the system that our society has put in place and for most kids, there isn't a 2nd chance.

As a teacher I have seen so many children throw their education away. They are confident they can succeed without it. Maybe 1 in 100 can, like paddyann. But that leaves 99 that don't. That end up on JSA or on zero hours contracts or in low paid jobs. One of my lovely ex students has spent the last 10 years working in McDonalds. Sparky, clever, sharp. She could have done so much.

We owe our children an education. I'm very up for home education. If a parent is able to take it on, I think it's probably even more successful than school. But parents that can cope with home ed are rare and skilled.

Teenagers are not wise enough to be allowed to make the decision about their education. They don't have the life experience to understand the consequences of a lack of education

MerylStreep Tue 05-Jul-22 19:51:52

In January of this year it was estimated that there were between 80,000 - 100,000 children missing from the school register.
There are 10s of 1,000s of children affected by the whole lockdown/ covid issue.

Callistemon21 Tue 05-Jul-22 19:55:37

MerylStreep

In January of this year it was estimated that there were between 80,000 - 100,000 children missing from the school register.
There are 10s of 1,000s of children affected by the whole lockdown/ covid issue.

Some may be truanting but a few may be suffering at home, hidden away by abusive parents.

This is a big problem that needs better resources to tackle it.

Glorianny Tue 05-Jul-22 22:06:06

Truanting has always been a problem and I would imagine the pandemic has only made things worse. Some schools only function properly because the very worse students choose to truant. Having had 2 years where schooling wasn't enforced children have realised it is possible not to go. How that problem can be resolved it's difficult to know

Mollygo Tue 05-Jul-22 22:24:28

GJ
We owe our children an education. I'm very up for home education. If a parent is able to take it on, I think it's probably even more successful than school. But parents that can cope with home ed are rare and skilled.
Yes, we do owe our children an education. Home Ed is a huge, long term commitment, though there are an increasing number of support groups and online teaching resources for those who want to try.

Teenagers are not wise enough to be allowed to make the decision about their education.
Teenagers are not wise enough to make decisions just about their education either.
They don't have the life experience to understand the consequences of a lack of education or some other decisions they now want to make.

Doodle Tue 05-Jul-22 23:09:13

My DGS hated the school environment so much that anything connected with education would send him into meltdown. He would not learn at home as he associated education with school and school with bullying and exclusion.
Maybe he won’t get a good job but at least he’s still here with us and is becoming more able to cope as he gets older. The schools did what they could to help him but not until it was too late and the damage was done. Some of the teachers just told him to ignore the bullies. Telling a child to ignore a bully who calls you names and pushes you about all day in class made him think teachers were not being fair to him.
My DIL once made him go to school and the head held him screaming while his mum left. It nearly broke them both and she swore she would never do it again.
Please get to the bottom of what is causing these issues with your grandson and make sure he’s ok.

ElaineI Tue 05-Jul-22 23:32:06

There are many problems due to the pandemic and lockdowns that are being discovered now from babies who have been slow to vocalise/mix due to parents/carers using masks, children in P1 over the last year not being ready for learning in a classroom due to lockdowns affecting nurseries so they are unable to follow instructions and sit still, to teenagers with mental health problems including eating disorders which are inundating CAMHS services at the moment. I think that lockdowns badly affected young people and these problems are only now being identified and worked on. DD1 had P1 class most of whom had never attended nursery or childminders and were the furthest behind children she has ever worked with. Fortunately over the last year the children have mostly advanced so well that they have achieved the levels they should be at. Because of this she is taking them on to P2 which will help them immensely. DD2 works in CAMHs and they are full of young people with eating disorders partly exacerbated by lockdowns and the pandemic. Because they can become very ill, very quickly IPUs are full and other young people are not being assessed properly. Hopefully your daughter will take him to the GP to check there is no physical problem underlying and refer him on for counselling or a MH assessment just to be sure nothing is missed. It is very hard to watch this happening and I am so sorry you have to worry about this.

Blogsy Sun 10-Jul-22 12:57:57

I looked after my grandchildren.over night for my soon to be ex daughter in law ...they are 11/7/6
She said she would pick them up at 8!am for school .. but at nine ...asked me were they at school ??
I don't drive so would need a taxi there and back !
She turned up ...in a taxi still drunk from the night before...
And I felt guilty because I hadn't thought to take them !!!
What a nightmare!...
She was the one that asked my son to leave . He didn't want any of it !...