Should men have their own “Gramps Net” ?

It's hard because, the whole tone has changed since the pandemic

If we want it to stay, we would have to fight for it, all of us.

That means keeping threads on topic

Not allowing personal comments

Not engaging in an argument when it should be a discussion

I've watched so many leave. I think about leaving quite often and I see too many others saying the same

Define “on topic”. Threads can’t become rigid. It’s the variety of comments which make it interesting. There’s a difference between meandering and the constant accusations of “derailing”.

Define “Argument” as opposed to “discussion”?

If everybody agreed it would be SO boring. I’ve learnt so much on GN about various topics when different points of view are expressed.

All you say may be true VioletSky, but that doesn’t mean Gransnet is dying, it means some people are leaving and the moderation is not what you’d like to see. There are new people joining all the time, and there’s a high level of participation. I honestly don’t think conditions can be set, we can only set rules for our own personal conduct.

I can't give examples without causing drama really...

Hmm... thinking is hard

Example:

Say someone starts a thread about how they are afraid of snakes and how being bitten by one has damaged their long term heath and the whole thread ends up being how wonderful snakes are, and how someones neighbour's, son's friend's uncle Jack has a snake and they have never been bitten.

Argument = personal comments

I absolutely love discussion to be honest with you

Personally I think we will just be transfered to mumsnet and I will run for the hills

Lucca asks Define “on topic”.

It is hard, perhaps, inpossible to define "on topic".

For example in the virtual cruise on the river Main, someone suggested visiting Heidelberg. So Heidelberg is not on the Main. But that was accomodated by pretending to have a side trip to go on a train from Frankfurt to Mannheim, then onto a sister ship of our cruise ship, along the river to Heidelberg, a walk around Heidelberg, then back overland to Frankfurt. And the trip to Heidelberg was one of the highlights. I think a number of people enjoyed that side trip. I had not thought of it. One place to moor up and visit was suggested by a participant. There were other overland side trips too, one I found in a real world cruise brochure, somone else suggested another, a two-stop one that I devised, and a single one that I devised. That was a very happy thread.

So, that is more a meandering rather than off-topic, though strictly speaking some of it could be designated off-topic. Had there been a suggestion to go to, say, Paris, that would have been off-topic.

I suppose a lot depends on knowing what exactly is "the topic" of a thread before one can go "off" it.

VioletSky

Personally I think we will just be transfered to mumsnet and I will run for the hills

Well, I could not, as a man, in good conscience be on Mumsnet.

VioletSky
So what your saying is: you just want a thread full of nodding dogs and the people who don’t have a problem with snakes can go and do one.

No Merylstreep

That's putting words into my mouth

StarDreamer
Why could you not be a member of MN.
I read and post much more than I do here, and I can say there are some very good interesting posts from men.

If people think men shouldn't be on GN, but have their own Grumps.net site then does that mean women who aren't grans shouldn't be on gransnet either? I am not a gran, but very much of an age when I could be

But its healthy to have a mixture of views so if someone says they are afraid of snakes some people might say oh I know they are awful and I was bitten too and someone else will say oh but I love them and they have really helped me.

I guess I think that person could start a thread about the wonders of snakes so that the person who was hurt and needed support could have a safe space galaxy

But I know some people don't think that way and have to be front and center with their opinions no matter what the thread...

And so gransnet becomes a little darker until the day all the lights go out

MerylStreep

StarDreamer
Why could you not be a member of MN.
I read and post much more than I do here, and I can say there are some very good interesting posts from men.

Because I am not female.

The word "Mum" clearly means a woman.

Though I suppose it could be said that so does "Gran".

OldFolksNet anyone?

No we just think people should be able to cope with different views or the world really will go darker.
I think there are a few threads where it is bad manners but I think they are very few, so I wouldnt go on to a bereavement thread for example and start talking about the Tory leadership battle. But mostly the OP cant control threads.

Well that's a shame

Don't know what else you want me to say

The best help I have ever had in my life have been people saying what I didnt want to hear. That was about a snake too

You can tell when people have bad intentions to dosrupt threads that aren't really about them

So what your saying is: you just want a thread full of nodding dogs and the people who don’t have a problem with snakes can go and do one.

Absolutely right Meryl; it's policing threads, dictating what can be discussed and within strict parameters, allowing no ability for threads to widen or meander as conversations and discussions normally do. It's that rigidity of thinking that lead to the recent furore.

It's rudeness that's the problem and lack of empathy

And for people who say everyone should get an opinion on any topic wherever and whatever it is and no matter if that might hurt someone whonis struggling....

Well that is my opinion

I thank you

StarDreamer I think you'd be surprised just how many men do post on Mumsnet! There's one particular, much respected male poster who is regularly called upon to give advice on DIY.

But if one just have lots of threads where the title is

Please chat about anything you like

or some slight variant so that each thread has a unique, yet similar, name, then that would not, in my opinion, be of much use.

So, where is the balance on the spectrum from

Please chat about anything you like

to some very specific ambience suggested in the original post by the person who starts the thread?

Chewbacca

StarDreamer I think you'd be surprised just how many men do post on Mumsnet! There's one particular, much respected male poster who is regularly called upon to give advice on DIY.

Maybe. I am not commenting on what others do, I am simply saying that I would not feel right about joining Mumsnet.

I do agree with you Stardreamer and I am sorry about what happened to your cruise. It wasn't for me so I stayed away but a lovely idea.

We have different topics and thread titles so we can pick and choose either what we might be interested in discussing or specific areas we need support or are able to give support.

I appreciate the advice you get might be hard to hear but that is not what I am talking about.

I think if we lose that ability to decide if a thread is suitable for what we want to say completely.... then gransnet will die

I've seen too many leave, I've seen people join and immediately leave and I'm not the only one saying it.

And if it were only people who think derailing threads is fine left on gransnet, I'd be gone already.. but if things keep going the way they have been, I will give up too

henetha

I'm baffled as to why some say GN is dying. It isn't. Let's be positive and stand up for what is a site enjoyed by many of us, - men, women, all are welcome. So don't keep emphasising that you think it is dying, or it could become a self fulfilling prophesy.
Is that what we want? Most of us don't I'm sure. Let's stamp on the negativity. Please.

I agree.

It's a pity some posters who were on here for years have decided to leave but I expect their reasons are varied.

People's lives change, they may have less time to engage with people in online forums, many reasons. It's a pity if posters feel they can't engage without being ridiculed or pounced on for their views and then leave because it's just a site for informal exchange of opinions on many subjects.
No one poster is always right.

Like life in general, GN shifts and changes. It doesn't mean it's dying.