Should i pay- tricky dilemma

I agree with Patsy70 NO don't contribute I'm sure your siblings are aware of your situation and you shouldn't be expected to contribute. Inconsiderate of the one sibling to go ahead with the purchase until you had all agreed to share the cost.

I am interested in those of you recommending a proper assessment. In principle I agree, but....
Some years ago (in a council area that prided itself on 'efficiency') I asked for an assessment for my mum, in a broadly similar situation.
Social Services asked if we would be funding any equipment ourselves.
"Yes".
"So why are you asking us - you can get recommendations from any of the stores"
"Are there any that you know have qualified staff to give independent assessments?"
"We're not allowed to recommend"
"In that case we would like a professional, independent assessment".

The assessor arrived, and we realised that she was untrained, just ticking boxes - why else would you ask a 75 year old woman with dementia when she last had a cervical smear test?

She made only the same recommendations that we could see for ourselves, and declined to tell us any details that might favour one make over another.

It was a complete waste of everyone's time - apart from my mother, ardent health campaigner telling us all the stories about getting women's health screening up and running!

Nannarose I believe it was our GP who contacted Social Services . She had more clout. This was in Scotland. However in England, my DM had been in hospital and it was the OTs who made sure she had a hospital bed installed in her own bedroom before she was released home. We were not charged in either case. Thank goodness for the NHS

I am contributing to this as I am coming at it from the opposite side. I am the parent, have five adult children, three of which are always very happy to contribute towards joint presents, the other two (not particularly hard-up, but at different points in their live), always seem to resent it.

I tend to find out about these family disagreements sooner or later and it makes me very unhappy that I seem to be the cause of these.

These two are the youngest (twins), and both have good jobs, good hubbies, but young children and mortgages, etc. etc. I can quite understand and sympathise with them wanting to spend their money within their own family circle. My oldest child and his wife - both in excellent jobs - have no children, the next one down (with whom I have always been closest) is in a good financial state now (although had some very difficult times in the past as a single mother and I was able to help her out), the third is not such a good financial position, but is close to me and wants to help out.

It has made me very reluctant now to make any comment or request of any high expense items from them all. Would rather have small cheap items, or better still- visits from them.

No way would I want any of my AC to go without something themselves in order to contribute towards something for me.

The OP does need to be absolutely honest with her siblings and with her parents. I am sure they would be horrified if they found out that this was causing problems in the family. As parents, all we really want is to know that our AC and our G,children are having a good life - AND for them to keep in touch and come to visit. Not expensive gifts!!!

Nannarose, for equipment, nine times out of 10 you have to go through the Falls Team or the OT so you go through your GP. You are quite right that the Social Services are not the slightest interested if you are self funding unless you ask for a Carer's Assessment. Legally you are entitled to one and when we asked for that, they helped sort out stuff for Mum by putting us in touch with the right people.

I agree with Fleur. Your parents should pay. Good grief wwe have a 5' Tempur dual adjustable bed in our bedroom. We also have a riser recliner chair in our conservatory (bought for me but my husband uses it and I have a recliner chair in the lounge).
My mobility is getting worse and I have a lot of difficulty using the stairs. However as stairs are good exercise I don't want to buy a stairlift. Instead I've made a bedroom downstairs for when getting up/downstairs is causing me too much pain to do it safely. I've got a 3' Tempur adjustable bed which now comes with massage! I also have a riser recliner identical to the other, except for upholstery colour.
I've also had a wall mounted shower seat in our ground floor shower room as I've been stuck in the bath for about 3 hours as my left leg has no strength to push me up to get out of it. I've had a lovely grab rail with a shelf for shampoo etc.
I so wish that I was more mobile but this has got worse over th last 12 months. I'm putting weight on and I asked for a blood test for diabetes to be added to the PMR and thyroid tests. The doctor has phoned me to let me know that I have type 2 diabetes.
Your parents should pay up for their own necessities, which they are if they keep having to contact emergency services. Someone else may need the services more urgently. They aren't being fair to you, your siblings or the emergency services.
This will only escalate as they will need more aids to help them stay at home safely.
Good luck and don't pay anything yourself. Just say that "No! It doesn't work for me."

I would say firmly that said aged parent can fully afford to buy the relevant equipment for themselves, but chooses not to, so presumably does not want it.

Can the sibling so insistent that your Aged Parent needs the equipment guarantee that, if said parent has it, they will actually use it? You could all be wasting your money on a white elephant.

I have my own experience of buying someone equipment I was convinced someone needed, but they refused to buy for themselves, only for them to leave it in the corner of the room and never use it. They didn't buy it because they had decided they wouldn't use it -and they didn't.

Why not suggest to your sibling that you rent the equipment first from your local Red Cross or similar organisation. Then if your Aged Parent takes to it you can suggest to your parent that they buy one for themselves. if they do not use it the equipment can be returned to the Red Cross.

If your Aged Parent wants to suffer because they are too parsimonious to buy equipment that would help them, then that is their priviledge. I can see no reason why anyone should buy the equipment for them.

I would never contribute to buy something for somebody else on the insistence of a third party that they really want it

I would tell your sibling firmly that you are not prepared to contribute towards something your Aged arent can well afford to purchase for themselves, that the organising sibling cannot guarantee the Aged Parent will use, even if they have it.