Distance issue

So there is no need for further comment

Making "silly mistakes" when driving is absolutely not acceptable and thoroughly dangerous for you and other people on the streets! He should not be driving at all for goodness sake. There are places to be tested for driving ability as you get older. Perhaps you could investigate that. About a year and a half ago an elderly driver in Edinburgh mistakingly shot out a side street, crashed into a shop front and badly injured a mother and killed her 3 year old son standing in front of the shop. The driver died during the time she was waiting to go to court. It seriously dangerous to allow someone making mistakes to drive! I do sympathise about driving with a commentary though as I do but I ignore it because we would be dead by now if I had paid any attention. to it!

In your situation I really would stay put. Moving closer may well present problems - may not pan out as you expect! As for your DH attitude to your driving........!! I really would find that very difficult to deal with. If you stay put I recognize your problem is not solved. It does appear though that when you do visit it is inconvenient for both daughters. I don't wish to sound harsh and fully recognize you love your dog and if being in kennels/ using a dog sitter is not appropriate then quite simply you stop at home . You can't expect your DD to accommodate your dog if she is uncomfortable with that nor should you expect your other DD to sleep on the couch. Think carefully about your expectations and give some thought about how it would be if you moved - the grass is rarely greener on the other side. Be happy where you are , communicate online and don't strive for something that may not have the positive effect you want. Good luck and enjoy where you are.

I agree,too. Stay put if you are happy where you are. Children have a nasty habit of moving and you could get stranded in a strange environment. One of my daughters doesn’t do phone conversations,either. It is just how she is and nothing personal and this is possibly the same for yours.

Many parents fail to understand that once their children move out and begin their own families that family becomes the priority. Parents are bound to play second fiddle to the busy lives and stressful jobs of their offspring. Mine did and never accepted it.

I’d just like to say that this is my first experience bearing my soul to the public. Overall some of you have raised some very valid points which have been constructive and left me with food for thought but some have been unnecessarily rude! So its probably not a good idea to seek advice from people who don’t know you. Maybe I should have listened to the Queen’s advice and just kept kept quiet.

Hi Lizzie and welcome even if you didn’t get the answers you expected and I m afraid I m not going to be much better
You don’t say your ages but first
your husband should NOT be on the road Get those keys away… if someone is not confident and making mistakes and been unwell they should NOT be driving
Second if you stay on here long enough you will find Hithere is always blunt (sometimes harsh is the only word) with no soft button to everyone she answers

Adult children should be able to get on with their lives independent of failing parents, and moving in old age just to see more of them seems over the top in my mind If you have a good relationship with them how will it improve if you’re nearby Your daughter is very busy with a demanding job…. will it all change when you’re nearby ? she ll just have more to do making sure you’re invited over looked after etc etc
and you ll feel more hurt because she ll be nearby but have no more time for you both than before ….you say you want to see more of your grandkids you don’t say their ages but certainly from about 10 onwards even if you live in the same street
you ll not see much of them …..that’s life

I think the train is a great idea

Good luck but be very very cautious of moving
Ideally adult children need to live their own lives their own way but I do wish you well

Lizzie - I think all the pro ‘s for moving out way the no’s.

You will be close by if needs be (either way).
You have friends there already.
Your DD’s will be relieved not to have to travel far especially if you or Dh is I’ll.
you can pop in to see them even if it’s just for half an hour and they can pop in to see you.
No arrangements to be made for elderly dog.
No expensive air b and b’s.
It’s a no brainier. Go for it! And all the best to you.

Out weigh not out way ?

Choose between your pet & your family ? Yes family come first , but , what do you do when you only see your family once or twice a year ... to me this was harsh ... a pet is family ... unless you mean put in kennels for a few days or someone trust worthy to look after your dog ... think long & hard before you move ... do you really want to move ? Will you see them more, or will they want to see you more ? Doesn't mean you will who knows ... how would you feel if you gave up your dog ... devastated also would make you ill with worrying ... harsh as it seems ... you can choose your friends not your family ... hope everything sorts itself out for you ... you could keep things as they are & hope & pray eventually you will see them more ... all the best ... God bless

Ginster if her daughter is a very busy lady as Lizzie said will she want a ‘popping in situation what if her job changes and she has to move or their whole living situation changes Is it really wise to uproot yourselves in old age to follow your children Personally I don’t want my children to have that on their shoulders
This is not meant rudely but that is a bit of a fairy tale ‘happy ever after’ post Ginster and life just isn’t like that well not in my experience anyway ?

LizzieB1.
Go for it . Move nearer your daughters. You say you have friends in the area. Not something that will happen overnight so start on the adventure now.
Many of us deal with somewhat difficult husbands and I know driving can be an issue.
Start decluttering and looking for a house. Although the market's in turmoil at the moment.
A technique I use with driving is to say I need to drive at times to keep up my confidence. Which is true. Try to persuade him to take it in turns.
Or even better go by train. Perhaps buy a senior travel card.
Wishing you all the best.

Thank you SO much for your understanding and for anyone else reading this I don’t let him drive but I cannot bear the running commentary any longer. Many men are like this and I’m not alone. It is his pride and joy and as he’s lost his mobility pretty much and that must be hard for a competitive sportsman. He is, however, quite easy to live with in other respects.
And yes I take your point about the dog
but my dog is very well behaved and doesn’t jump up on furniture but perhaps I expect her to love animals as much as I do!

Thank you Loopy Loo! We have, in fact sold our house STC and we’ve found somewhere. Yes! I’m seeing it as an adventure and I’m ready to take it on. I have lots of hobbies so I’m not that needy. My concern was about my husbands health recently and as he hasn’t seen his grandchildren since July!

Oh, forgot to say that I have also decluttered nearly everything! Clothes have gone to charities, the rest is up for sale and old unwanted memorabilia has been chucked! It was so cathartic!

I’ve just been through a really terrible time with my dog but he survived the operation I’m pleased to say! He’s 12 now and he’s been my faithful loyal companion every day all these years. I’ve never had a dog before and I hadn’t realised how much joy they bring to your life. I just can’t leave him now with anyone that doesn’t know him. Thankfully my younger daughter takes after me in our love for animals and she will do anything to help. Maybe I should concentrate on her a bit more.

My Dad (91) moved to our town nearly four years ago. My Mum had died a few months before and he wasn't coping at all.
He's now fifteen minutes away rather than nearly four hours away.

I've found social activities for him locally and persuaded him to go, which he enjoys after a bit of reluctance at first.
We can pop in for just an hour after work rather than it taking a whole weekend to visit.

It's been a good decision and we're all happy he moved.

LizzieB1 you sound very realistic and well organised for a successful move ?

Lizzie B1, I understand your anxiety about your husband. You say that, since Covid, he has lost confidence in driving. Previously, when he was, himself, a confident driver, was he even then a 'back-seat' driver? I think you are also implying deeper worries about him and I wonder if he is displaying anxious behaviour in other aspects of daily life. Would it help you to have a word with your GP if he is a more anxious person than he used to be.
You don't say how old you both are, or how old your daughter is. If she is of an age to be going through the menopause, this could account for her less than attentive attitude. A demanding job, children and husband - a hefty load at any age.
Like others, I would recommend travelling by train (which I do) but recognise the problem of your elderly dog. He, poor thing, is a massive stumbling block.
You want to manage your 'negative feelings' about your daughter. I know this sounds self-righteous, but I like the old adage that if you feel negative about someone, you should 'walk a mile in their shoes'.

Op,

You wonder why you posted in GN

People who knows us tend to agree with us or have similar mentality

Posting in an open forum removes that protective cocoon of sometimes blind support and validation, ignoring aspects that should be mentioned

I think it is brave you opened the thread and wish you the best

Ammo domino
Interesting you should say that as it has crossed my mind of course. But then I think he was always more considered than me. I’m more impulsive, but on the case and everything I do is fast. My daughters would call me fierceness but I don’t drive fast, just faster than him.

I'm torn about whether I should be ashamed to say it but here goes: sometimes I wish I'd never bothered having children, the utter pain heartbreak and desolation they've dumped on me has destroyed any thoughts of a happy twilight existence and all I can see is a long lonely wait for the final curtain call.. there I've said it.

My advice would be instead of putting up different posts on the same subject maybe talk to your daughter about your feelings and fears since many ppl have replied to your many posts myself included and obviously our advice isn’t helping your question so maybe talk to your family

Gabrielle56

I'm torn about whether I should be ashamed to say it but here goes: sometimes I wish I'd never bothered having children, the utter pain heartbreak and desolation they've dumped on me has destroyed any thoughts of a happy twilight existence and all I can see is a long lonely wait for the final curtain call.. there I've said it.

I really hear your pain Gabrielle and wish you peace...

So sorry you feel you've been harassed after asking for advice but I do think there's a lot of wise words on this thread even though maybe at the moment you're too upset to appreciate them.
I do understand about the driving aspect, my husband was always a much better driver than passenger and after he became ill I did drive him a few times but he was nervous and I was even worse. Even a short journey that would not have usually bothered me got me really nervous and I know I drove dreadfully which made both of us even more anxious, perhaps it's the same for you?
I would definitely think very carefully about moving home as others have said but wish you all the best.

Hi to LizzieBl and Namsnanny - first of all, Namsnanny there's no need for you to wonder where you went wrong, life is just more stressful for younger people with small children now than it ever was. Secondly, LizzieBl, there's lots of sensible comment on this thread about not moving closer to adult children because they may move or not want to increase the time you see them etc, but I want to add a positive - my daughter asked us to move 300 miles closer to her and our sil when it became obvious where their careers were and that they intended to raise a family. We went for it, took my elderly mother and have had the joy of seeing our gcs from the day they were born and of being very involved and happily so in their lives. Yes, it has to be a gamble but if you open up a frank dialogue about what a move would look like you may have more information as to whether it's feasible. As for your dog, for the moment, there are plenty of air bnbs that allow you to take a dog. Otherwise do you have a good friend who will dog sit for you for a few weekends a year while you make the trip to see your grandchildren and can focus on them. Good luck.