Distance issue

LixzieB1, the thing you have to understand is that GN is not always a place where you will find sympathy or support. I don't know how old you are, but I suspect the last two years of Covid have been hard on you and your husband. Nobody seems to have considered the fact that your husband could be starting with some serious dementia. Often very loving, kind people become very difficult when their faculties start to go. It sounds to me like you needed some kind words and maybe some support and good advice. I'm sorry that some people were so hard on you. By this point in your life, your personality is your personality and your husband's is your is your husband's. Of course, as I said, that could be changing due to illness. Why not ask your husband if he would like to stay home while you take a short trip to see your daughters? He can watch the dog, and you can see your grandchildren. There's a lot of variables in this situation, and I'm sure that none of us fully understand your particular issues. I hope whatever you decide, it brings you peace and happiness. Perhaps a good going over at the doctor's will do him and you a lot of good. Good luck!

Moving close to your children sounds like a great idea, GO FOR IT!

I loved your response. Thank you. I think some people missed the point I was making.

Thank you for your encouragement

Thank you for those kind words. I bared my soul which I regret now but I was feeling under a lot of pressure as my husband hasn’t been at all well. As my daughters don’t see much of him I don’t think they realise. What with the dog as well I feel exhausted and overwhelmed at times.

When I look back at my parents my mum always wanted to see us but my dad was welcoming when we presented ourselves and got on with his own life when we had ours. With my own daughter I let her come to me with her family as I felt under endless pressure trying to please my mum. We need to do what is best for us as our children have their own lives but, if things are getting too much, perhaps it is time to have a family chat with both families and stand up for yourself. None of us are getting any younger and I am focussing more and more on myself as I get older just to get through the day. No one else will do it for us in today's very pressurised world. Hope you find a solution.

Thank you for all your suggestions. Time to move on now

I would never put my dog in kennels! He’s 12 now and he’s come through a very difficult operation so I wouldn’t even leave him with a house sitter now. I think we are very different people so with respect I’m sure you wouldn’t understand my reticence.

Lizzie

You have too much on your plate - is there any way that something can be delegated so you can take a breather and see things from a different point of view?

Can I just say Emilie that I am not needy! If you read my post I was concerned about my husband’s health atm and as we’ve always met up for birthdays I would rather she hadn’t missed this one. It’s not unreasonable particularly with the history in my family. Please do not make assumptions when you don’t know me. It’s just very unkind.

LizzieB1

Can I just say Emilie that I am not needy! If you read my post I was concerned about my husband’s health atm and as we’ve always met up for birthdays I would rather she hadn’t missed this one. It’s not unreasonable particularly with the history in my family. Please do not make assumptions when you don’t know me. It’s just very unkind.

Did you tell her how important it was? Or did you let it go by and then get upset?

I’m a big fan of encouraging people to use their words. At least when you are clear there is no room for misunderstanding. You might not get the answer you want, but you will have been clear.

I think I made myself quite clear but even if she didn’t interpret what I was saying it wasn’t a very nice response. I really don’t want to pursue this conversation any longer. My first impression of this site wasn’t great I have to say. I’ve taken on board several opinions and it’s given me cause for thought but I don’t like some of the unnecessary unkind and disrespectful comments.

Thank you for that advice which I found helpful. I have actually written to both our daughters very carefully asking ways we could communicate on a more regular basis. Our house sale sadly fell through so I will have to battle on. It’s so hard with no family around to cope with all my husbands health issues and take over a lot of the responsibility. I dread the day I’m ever ill as it’s hard enough to get regular help with the garden!!!

Allsorts

Lizzie, Please take no notice some of the put downs.. Some are from estranged grown up children who feel all parents are a nuisance. My d estranged me and I think it's becoming more common, but it does not make it right. All my friends have close and caring families like you, I am the odd one out. It is obvious you and your daughters are close, you have friends in the same area as them, your husband does not like driving that distance now, many men and women get like that as they age, it's quite normal as is the running commentary. For you to move closer makes sense, you do not have to live in each other's pockets , you all have your own interests. In your position I would move. I had a good relationship with my parents and expected I would with mine., I would not leave my dog, who is not well and old in a kennel, they are part if the family, but can understand some people don't feel the same. Follow your instincts in this. Take no notice if the ticking offs.

Good post Allsorts and I agree.

Lizzie Hope you're in a better place today xx