Thinking ahead...

Barmeyoldbat

Same here with Mr B, all in the loft, including hundreds of football programmes and over 300 medals for running. My problem is photos I have hundreds and just don’t have the heart to throw them away.

For years I ordered prints of all our photos, and we ended up with hundreds, many of them duplicated. I bit the bullet and spent a few days of the first lockdown sorting through and getting rid of most of them. Nobody will ever want to look at photos of scenery of places they’ve not been to - even we couldn’t identify many of them! I’ve still got a few boxes of photos that mean something, but at least now they’re sorted and in date order.

I even gritted my teeth recently and threw out those old pictures I’d inherited of unknown relatives/family friends - even though I’d love to know who they were, there’s nobody left now to identify them. And with that in mind I’ve written details on the back of those we do know.

Our garage is full of ‘stuff’.

It’s reasonably neat, either hung up or on shelves and in boxes in old filing cabinets.

DH knows what is what, but we seem to have many jars of assorted screws, nails, and other paraphernalia.

If he goes before me, or we get so we can’t empty the garage ourselves…

I am still trying to clear out a lot of tge stuff from my late husband's shed/workshop. I donated a lot of. equipment to a newly forming Men's Shed. Thankfully they came and dismantled machines and took them away. Still loads of stuff on walls, rafters and under benches. Folk told me I should sell everything but coukd not be bothered, didn't know what half the stuff was. Same with the hoard indoors. More tools, books, photographic equipment, cameras, vinyls. I did keep saying if he went first it would go to charity or the skip and wouldn't it be better if he had a clear out, perhaps sell and buy a specific item he could use. I am trying to sort out my own stuff just in case I go suddenly. Woukd hate family to have to go through what I consider to be important as I know most will be binned. I've passed on a lot of jewellery to my DS in trust for my GD including items I received from DM and when my DD died. I felt so good after that clear out.

My late DH worked so hard all his life and, like Lululemon I now have lots of expensive camera equipment and computer/electrical stuff and so many clothes that I haven't. a clue what to do with. I have no idea of the value and don't feel right to send these things to a charity shop after he worked so hard to have the money to pay for these things. Not ready to part with things just yet but still worry about finding an appropriate home for them without feeling I'm just throwing part of his life away. Any ideas or help appreciated.

How does anybody get rid of Readers Digest condensed books? We have hundreds. The charity shops don't want them,( or only a few with other books). In a NT house, I saw a "Christmas tree" made of RD books. and strung with lights. The lady said she had enough for several more trees in her store room.
I can only think that they would make good logs for the stove.

My brother is a collector and a number of items that he has are worth quite a lot of money... he's written down some details of who I could approach, in the event of something happening to him.
I wouldn't have a clue about anything and as he said, he's spent a lot of time and money building the collection. No doubt there are dealers/other collectors who wouldn't be honest about the worth to someone who didn't know about the items.

My DH is the same mostly with things that are worth nothing in monetary terms. We are in the process of moving house but he is in hospital at the moment. I got someone to come in and empty the loft and remove what I know is rubbish but there are two black sacks containing folders of all his training notes from when he was a GPO apprentice engineer over 50 yrs ago but he insists that we take them with us to the new house. I've tried the argument that in a few years when we have kicked the bucket our family will have to clear them all but he won't budge.

When my father passed and mum had to the next day go into care we had the dubious honour of cleaning out their large three bedroom house.
Two bedrooms had little paths in them as there was so much stuff in them. The cupboards were full of stuff not looked at in years. It took a month of just culling. Three full skips and some stuff sold on marketplace
Husband and I are actively culling and clearing our place out. Organising the photos in one cupboard etc
We hope to have a clear , not necessarily dust free , home in the next year or so
Husband and I both have hobbies which would happily take up time once our place is down to bare bones so to speak

**Caleo
“It's a hope that if you hold on to things you will hold on to a reality that is otherwise gone forever.”
Gosh, that resonates with me! A couple of months back I was told I have maybe two or three years left, and I don’t want to lumber the AC with a huge clearance task, but …. I don’t like change at the best of times. (Btw - no sympathy, please - I feel completely alright, really don’t believe the prognosis and have the added bonus of meeting a fantastic bunch of people at the chemo sessions). I actually have cleared the loft, but the garage & two “work” rooms will take - oh, let’s say 12 years - yes, easily that long! 🤣🤣

The things you are talking about are your husband's possessions, not rubbish but cherished I would say, although I doubt if they will be as valuable as you think. It sounds very brutal to insist that he clears them out so you don't have the bother when he is dead. What you could do is store them neatly in plastic containers, labelled, so they are accessible to your husband and whoever has to deal with them at a later date, which may even be your him. Cameras and CDs don't take up much space, books may but you could always try reading them.

Another hoarder husband here🤬 If he goes first, there’ll be a skip on the drive before you can say ‘Jack Robinson’. Some of his crap stuff might have some value and I will actually enjoy going through it all, sorting it into ‘sell or skip’. It appears quite common for men to be hoarders - I wonder why

I think it's quite easy to get house clearance companies but I intend to leave things I love and value like paintings, rugs and some jewellery to specific people in my will.. I certainly don't want to clear my house whilst I still enjoy these things around me and I can understand your OH feeling the same...

I think there is something much deeper in all this and I think decluttering may be a fad promoted by people to make a career like Kondo. Possessions - collections, bric a brac, hobby items, books, pictures, teddy bears, jewellery, rosaries, clothes, wedding dresses, etc., - are imbued with memories, values, emotions and symbolise different things to different people. They are connected to our identities, how our lives have changed at different times, and not lightly to be thrown away during our lifetimes in my opinion. Of course, they have to be disposed of in various ways by executors but that is a job for them.

if your DH, or DW, has a collection that could contain items of value, quite simply get a professional expert in the subject to come in and assess the collection, identify items of value and suitable for auction and who can have them put in a specialist auction to maximise the chances of a good price.

How do you find an expert? Check out local auction houses (use google) and look at their site online to see whether they are top of the range specialist auction rooms. These are what you want if dealing with cameras that may be high value. They will know specialist in, say, cameras, who can come and assess the collection.

If the collection is more generic rather than potentially very valuable, talk to your local auction house and they can advise, look and select and sell for you.

Think the Yorkshire Auction House tv programme www.imdb.com/title/tt14403160/

When I cleared out my parents’ house I found, in a box, scraps of material from bedroom curtains and clothes that my mum had made for me when I was a child. Could I throw out memories like that..nope!!

My husband collects guitars of various values. He is 10 years older than me so I've asked him to put prices on them so I can take a photo then if he dies first I'll have an idea what to sell them for

I had to do this when my mother died. In the end the charity shops in Rye regretfully had to ask us not to bring anything in anymore. I therefore decided, as I have now reached a certain age, to clear out as much as I could so that my daughters would not have to do it when I die. My loft is now empty except for Christmas decorations. My garage and shed are now only housing currently needed gardening implements and tools I have even cleared out my under stairs cupboard (the Gloryhole). I feel I owe it to my children not to leave things For them to do. Nothing sours the memory of the dead person then having to spend days clearing up their mess.

I have the same problem, my husband has a small spare room full of his collections, most of the garage, and is allowed to encroach with a couple of shelves in the living room! I have dared to raise the subject on what happens if he dies first and I get nowhere, in fact he gets quite upset. I've asked him to do an inventory and to put what I should do with it all. He's even adding to his collections (books, models).

I have a hoarder husband …he has magazines going back 40 years….in the loft… they move from one loft to another when we move house ….now though as he neither goes into loft or reads these things I’m gradually getting rid of them…six at a time . He’s none the wiser …and as he’s about to go into full time care ( Alzheimer’s) I’m now at liberty to oust a lot more! I don’t find ‘stuff’ of any interest….as I live in the ‘here and
now’ and have done since his diagnosis 4 years ago! You’ve tried your best with him….let daughter have a go and if that doesn’t work….get a diagnosis …sorry I think anyone who holds onto ‘stuff’ must be a little odd..

A friend took her time disposing of DH's collections that included Comic albums and things like that.

By taking her time and using ebay and specialist shops she was left several thousand pounds better off.

Do not dismiss your DH's collections, they could provide you with healthy nest egg.

I had to clear my mother's house when she went into care/died. I won't say she was a hoarder, but there was way too much for me to deal with. So many lovely things went into a skip. I made the decision there and then that I won't leave this for my daughter and son, and have regularly decluttered ever since. It's not completely done, but will only take a couple of days.

I had the job of clearing my parents house during covid. I got there in the end and could list off about 12 places things were taken by including Food Bank, Garden tools network, Tools for Africa. I gave glasses to Specsavers and hearing aids returned to hospital. I found it hard to get anyone to collect from the house ( I had no transport) and even then the charity shops had just reopened and were not short of stock from the covid decluttering etc. Eventually Dorothy Hospice came for some furniture and then took 25 boxes of useful bric a brac. British Heart Foundation were more generous in what they would take. Some Victorian items fetched a paltry amount at a local auction. A local 'freegle' group was the most rewarding for what was left. I tried selling a 1960's cine camera and projector online but found a local person happy to give it a home. The collection of 1960's cine film made its way to the National Film Archive. As my mother would say 'just find a good home'... Yes some things made it to the dump but not skipfuls.

We try not to keep worthless things by which I mean souvenirs we have been given or bought ourselves that don't really mean anything to us, or things that we neither use, nor see any forseeable use for.

A couple of years ago, I went through my parents' photo albums and sent the photos of my paternal relations to my cousins on that side of the family, as they had expressed a wish for them. No-one will want the photos from my mother's side, so they have gone out.

Old letters etc. have been gone through on the same principle.

DH has load of tools he uses and that I cannot, so if he dies first I shall sell what is saleable and give the rest away. The same applies to the books that he has, which do not appeal to me.

My will contains intructions that my estate is to offer my academic books to the University of Copenhagen, either for the use of the relevant library or to be given or sold to students, apart from a first edition of a quite rare book that is left to the Royal Library.

In your place OP I would make sure that your daughter knows that some of her father's photographic equipment is valuable, so she can decide if she wants to sell it or just give it away.

I see no reason to dispose of things we might still want to use or just to have, and I find it distressing that so many women seem to feel they have the right to badger their husbands on this matter.

I admit that clearing my parents' home was a nightmare as they had kept ever single bank statement and tax return from 1975 onwards, so I make sure I do not make that mistake.

I have promised myself that when the day comes when I no longer want to decorate a Christmas tree every year that I will make sure that I dispose suitably of all our Christmas decorations. And that if we decide to sell this house and move to sheltered accomodation - not something that is relevant just now, but who knows? then there will be other things that will not go with us (or me).

Apart from that I am not concerned about the matter, but I have made sure my son knows where to find our wills, birth and marriage certificates and the deeds of the house, and that he can find a list of insurance policies, computer log-in codes and anything else he will need to wind up our affairs., plus of course, funeral instructions.

I don't dismiss his collections but I would just like some recognition that I may be left to sort them out one day and to see them go to where they'll be appreciated and perhaps make me a little bit of money.

I have a collection of Enchantica Dragons that I have been told by son not to get rid of as he wants some of them. The rest will be checked over & sold. As will the remaining books I still enjoy rereading. I have, with his help, given to Oxfam 100’s of books that I have read & reread many times! I have kept many books that I will reread a few more times if I live long enough! Music & films he will probably donate but as I have worsening health I read, listen to music & watch films a lot more than I did! My son says while I still enjoy the things that I have I should not let them go & be miserable because they are gone! He is very wise I think & I am lucky to have him!