Safeguarding Concerns - what happens after one is reported.

What about the other two sons- are they adults? Do they still live with her? Can you talk to them. And can they call ss???

downtoearth

As regards children: she has 3 sons, one is a lovely gentle boy who lives with his girlfriend. He is 18 now, but we have previously referred him to SS and DD rang his school, who were aware!

It is a real nightmare!

Oh downtoearth I am so sorry to hear your story- truly the worst experience any parent could have. Kittylester- are there children? Is the school involved?If they are, then they may , with SS,call a multi agency meeting .
Sometimes,the mother is told there that the only way she can retain custody of the children is to cease all contact with the abuser. I have seen ( professionally) this cause a woman to cooperate with other agencies to change how she behaves towards her perpetrator.

Not at all Kitty, I feel these things are best out in the open and known.

You go ahead and do your best!

So sorry you are having to deal with this, when not feeling your best. Such a difficult situation.

Good for you for caring and doing your best in such awful circumstances. However, if she is not prepared to step away herself, there is not so much you can do. Because there will be a next time. Like alcoholics or drug addicts, women who go back to beaters and cohercive controllers, cannot truly be helped until they are prepared to go.

Sincere sympathy.

Thank you wyllow. I hope you didn't find my post upsetting.

What happened to dn was not physical either but she is now on a drip and unable to walk.

fp, bil rang to rell us. We think, in the hope that we will step into the breech again. Sadly, for dn, I am not up to going long distances at the moment.

I have previously provided relevant contact numbers to both dn and bil, I have rung Women's Aid in her area and asked advice, I have sent links etc etc.

I think the best thing I can do is refer and report.

Thank you everyone for your input.

Hmmmm. Well its worth a try as nearest caring relative trying to follow suggestions - at least have all the information ready should niece indicate she is open to help. Let her know should she want help you are there for her and have relevant information.

but there is a lot at stake here - she may still be in love, she may feel shame and not able to talk about it and so on.

If children are at risk then you can report to NSPCC but you'd have to be specific.

If your DN refuses support that will be the end of it....an adult with capacity can make an unwise decision
.... however if she has children you can refer to childrens services

But her dads out the country and not interested wyllow
And she’s not wanted to blame the partner so nothing will happen if kitty or another relative doesn’t takes over

I am a Safeguarded Adult against my Ex abusive husband. I was referred to Adult Social Services by a psychologist. If you are referred by a professional, you go immediately into their list,

But it took them 5/6 weeks to ring me, someone working down a list.

Rather than ring SSD I'd ring the referral agency to make sure it has been done.

Safeguarding means one is regarded as vulnerable so if one rings the police or other agencies for help in theory they should take note and prioritise.

As an adult her privacy will be respected so direct calls to SSD? well, not sure.

But what you can do is find out what Domestic Abuse helplines and support there is in her area, and exactly what they can (and can't offer), and give them to her Dad so he has them ready if she should wish to ask for help.

One thing I found out from an agency was a short list of solicitors who would give half hour free Zooms for women needing advice, for example, and a counselling service (tho long waiting list).

You cannot make someone call the police, but her Dad could ring 111 in relevant area and just ask advice.

Ideally, she should start keeping texts, WhatsApp's, and make sound recordings secretly on her mobile of abuse. Evidence in case she decides to act. I did get Ex arrested but not charged, you need evidence, and it was coerce abuse not physical.

Riverwalk, yes, a police matter when it's a physical assault. What made all the difference, that final time, was that he smacked her in the face, her glasses broke and cut her. There was no disguising the damage.

downtoearth so sorry to hear that. Sending a grandmother in solidarity ((( hug ))).

The police need involving again there is so much more they can do nowadays ….they will take it seriously
You will never forgive yourself if you wait and something worse happens

How did you find out if she hasn't contacted you?

Do you think she didn't contact you because she doesn't want you to get involved?

This is so difficult, I am sorry. And as you say, you've got enough on yer plate at the mo..

downtoearth, so so sorry to hear. Can't find the words. hugs

Riverwalk, the police have been involved previously.

Elegran, the rented flat was in her name - treating her like a grown up! She hasn't contacted us this time.

I hope my post hasn't upset you downtoearth.

Shouting is a dilemma - doing more harm than good if the right action isn't taken. Which is why I was asking what we could expect to happen.

I am OK, thank you for asking. Just easily tired and finding it difficult to pace myself.
I hope you are OK.

I would make the call.
Better to have a wasted phone call than nothing.

You can say that you were told the hospital had made a referral but you are very concerned as she is vulnerable and the situation is the same (or worse, if it is).

kittylester

This is the 'something worse', hetty.

I hope your friend is doing OK.

I'm no expert but at the 'something worse' stage it's surely a police matter rather than social services.

Report it Kitty it will only get worse.
I supported my DD to the hilt time and time again.
She died by suicide one night after a beating,trapped in his flat where my 4year DGD slept.
Please get help for her by shouting as loudly as you can.
I hope you are doing well Kitty I know you have been really unwell

If the flat is still in your name, can you get the locks changed and really ram it home to your niece that she is NOT to give him a key?

She seems to be closer to you and DH than to her father, (who sounds as useful as a chocolate teapot) He hasn't instilled in his child a sense of her own value, which would have helped her to get free of this louse.

Keep on contacting SS, they will take action eventually.

This is the 'something worse', hetty.

I hope your friend is doing OK.

All you can do is report and stay in touch. The 'service' can be abysmal - so, in effect, you wait for something worse to happen. For my friend, it was ten years - until her eldest was big and brave enough to call the police - and they took action. We knew nothing about, she never said a word, being loyal thinking it was her fault.

Sad though it is I think you just have to accept that your brother in law is not going to help at all kittylester and you will have to do what you can.
It's difficult to know how to proceed if your niece isn't willing to get him out of her life. Seems like you need to offer support where you can and be there to pick up the pieces. I can imagine it's a difficult and stressful situation for you and your husband as well.