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I need honest advice

(89 Posts)
Fflaurie Thu 23-Mar-23 09:52:41

I had an accident last year and seriously injured my back, I had had a bad back for years before, but this was serious, I ended up having neurosurgery on my back and need aids around the house to get around, and I now have to use a walker outside. I also had to retire early on the grounds of ill health. Anyway, we used to go away to a lovely hotel twice a year, but since lockdown, we havent been anywhere. We have booked to go back there in the Autumn, but I am scared witless about going. I know I can get airport assistance, but, I am so worried that the flight will aggravate my injury, the strange bed, getting meals from the buffet, sleeping on a strange bed and so on and on. Would you go, or would you stay in your safe home and have a holiday from home? Please be honest. Thank you.

Nannashirlz Sun 26-Mar-23 12:27:37

I’ve arthritis so I understand your concerns but my advice would be do you have your disability or does your disability have you. If covid has taught us anything it should be that life is too short to worry about things and just go live your life. Speak to your specialist and ask them if they think you should be ok to go. Mine told me to stop over thinking about it.

win Sun 26-Mar-23 12:40:35

I like you Fflaurie have had back surgery in the last 3 years and lived with a severe scoliosis for at least 30 years which gives tremendous back, hip and leg pains. Since Covid when we did not move about as much as usual I have deteriorated really badly. I now walk with sticks/poles as I find them better but manage around the house with the furniture., I take strong pain killer several times a day. I lead a reasonably active life but constantly need to sit down to rest. However, the thought of sleeping in another bed and suffering as a result throughout the holiday is a no no for me now. We do days out instead and enjoy what we can. I would love to go away but realise it is not in my best interest now. Too much worry and anxiety both beforehand and during the break makes it not worth it.

montymops Sun 26-Mar-23 12:45:15

Warners Classic hotels are good. As someone else said they have adapted rooms, plenty of handrails, plenty of areas to sit around in and activities of various sorts during the day and evening - swimming pools, quizzes, spas , table tennis, bowls etc. We have been to a few - for short breaks. I understand completely how you must feel as I have mobility issues and always have to think ahead and do research to reassure myself that I can manage. As you know the hotel well - you may well be able to work out how you can make it work. People are pretty helpful in airports etc Good luck 💐

kwal Sun 26-Mar-23 12:45:38

If you are worried then a trial run sounds a good idea. I also have severe back problems but still intend to go on holiday this summer although short haul rather than my usual long haul. Covid put me off travelling until now but I've decided that I've lost enough time worrying and am just going to get on with it. If this trip is manageable then I'll be booking long haul later this year. I'll just make sure I have plenty of patches and painkillers with me!!

LinkyPinky Sun 26-Mar-23 13:05:20

*
When the climates are about to irretrievably break down pleasure flights are immoral and nobody should have holidays that involve flying.*
This. Mass extinction is imminent. What is WRONG with people? And you have grandchildren too!
Well said Caleo

kevincharley Sun 26-Mar-23 13:31:57

If, as others have suggested, you have a trial run, and it goes badly, it's going to put you off holidays for ever.
I too have a back injury, coupled with long covid and I use a walking aid. I went to Corsica last year, and a couple of UK holidays. Just booked to go to Switzerland and currently on holiday in Cumbria.
If you want to go you'll make it work. It all depends on how much you want a holiday.
I'd be gutted if I thought I could never travel again but maybe it's not as important to you as you revisit the same place whereas I rarely go to the same place twice.

Nanannotgrandma Sun 26-Mar-23 13:45:16

I went on a short coach holiday in the UK before going abroad after health issues. It really boosted my confidence. It’s worth a try

mabon1 Sun 26-Mar-23 13:50:57

don't go

dumdum Sun 26-Mar-23 13:56:22

Someone else suggested Warner on here, I would think they are very good if you have a short break in UK. Have been with them 4 times now and they were excellent.

Jaye53 Sun 26-Mar-23 14:14:57

Go with your gut instinct. It's never let me down.but also listen to all good advice on here too regarding asking the consultant and doctors. Etc. Etc.

Philippa111 Sun 26-Mar-23 14:20:56

It sounds like you are feeling a bit overwhelmed Ffleurie.

In the first instance, why not try a one night somewhere close by and see how that goes. If it goes well try another time for a couple of nights in a different place. Make sure they are the same quality level as the holiday you've booked.

These will be an opportunity to practice asking for help. I had a hip op a while ago and I had to come to terms with not being able to do things and asking for help. But its actually nice to be helped.

I think that there is a balance to be struck somewhere in the middle of doing nothing at all, exploring moving forward a bit and doing something that just feels frightening and unpleasant. The latter defeats the object of 'holiday'.

An alternative would be to spend the holiday money having fabulous meals in local upmarket restaurants, get a chef to come to your house and prepare a lovely feast, have a pampering session in a beauty salon, buy yourself a dress that you wouldn't normally get etc...ie do things that feel good and are a kind of holiday from the usual day to day. A local break from the usual four walls can be a boost too.

Personally I wouldn't push myself to do something that was too uncomfortable... but I would definitely go a little bit beyond my fear and see how that felt. The sense of wellbeing from doing this can be great. You may be more capable than you think.
I can identify with not wanting an uncomfortable bed etc but the benefits of the stimulation of something new and different might outweigh that.
Only you can know what you can manage. Good luck with it.

Gundy Sun 26-Mar-23 14:39:32

Sarah75 gave good advice right off the bat. Give it a short trial run. Try not to think or worry about air turbulence - you may have a very smooth flight.

The most important thing - you need to get away. A change of pace is good for your mind. Many amenities are available for your situation.

Don’t be afraid - it’s mind over matter.

icanhandthemback Sun 26-Mar-23 15:16:45

The most important thing to check is that your insurance will cover you in the event of having a problem due to your back. I have had 2 lots of surgery on my back but my insurance covers it because it is a while ago. The moment I claim for my back, I will have to wait until all treatment is finished for a certain period of time for my insurance to kick in again.
As for your flight, if you can travel in a car, on a bus, etc, you will probably be find as long as it isn't too long or you can get up to change position. The only time I have ever had a significant problem is when I travelled on a coach from London to Valencia. At one point, I sat on the steps down to the loo and sobbed because I was was uncomfortable!
Beds do make a difference but if you were comfortable before, you will probably be ok.
Make sure you have plenty of pain killers and have fun.

Cp43 Sun 26-Mar-23 15:48:49

Why not try a short holiday in UK first.
It might not involve airport and flights but may be on a train.
My disabled friend goes to IOW and stays in a Warners. She was used to 5 star standards before her stroke so is v particular so its a good recommendation.

Helenlouise3 Sun 26-Mar-23 16:21:39

Only you know if this worry beforehand will affect your ability to enjoy your holiday. If you feel you'd like to try going then I suggest you access all the help available. Book the airport assistance and the extra leg room seats. Take a neck cushion for the plane , ask for a room near the restaurant/entertainment etc We've only been back a few hours from a hotel where guests with mobility problems were treated exceptionally well, with tables set aside for them etc. Whatever you decide, I hope you enjoy your holiday.

Nashville Sun 26-Mar-23 16:30:42

I would be worried about flight delays. Airports are exhausting even when they run smoothly but last year there were so many examples of overcrowding and delays I would be wary of going even with assistance.

The hotel part is likely to be fine but the flight is an unknown. My vote is no.

homefarm Sun 26-Mar-23 17:12:55

I have been in your position. My answer is no, I wouldn't go. We found something similar at home - ok the weather wasn't so wonderful as some places abroad - but everyone had an enjoyable time and no issues.

Boolya Sun 26-Mar-23 17:24:35

Enable Holidays are very good. They looked after our needs in jersey last year and in San Sebastián back in 2019. My husband is semi-paraplegic and I didn't have to worry.

welbeck Sun 26-Mar-23 17:29:53

don't go.
did you agree to it to please your husband ?
you are not the same as you were before, to try to negate that by ignoring facts could be very unpleasant, even risky.
it's not worth it.
you need to put yourself first now,
and your special needs.
good luck.

nadateturbe Sun 26-Mar-23 17:45:42

I would try somewhere here first, as others have said. Good luck, I hope you get there. I really miss travelling.
Caleo some people just like going on holiday!!!

Barmeyoldbat Sun 26-Mar-23 18:05:12

I am in pretty much the same situation as you with upper back pain and I take morphine to control the pain, which does it very well and allows me to lead a fairly normal life. I want to go abroad for a holiday but like you worry about beds, travelling with my morphine, even with a Drs letter, and general issued. I go on holiday in this country at the moment for 5 days breaks to a self catering place where I know I am comfortable. It has a spare bed for me to move into if needed and plenty of places to eat out when I am in a good place. I would do some short breaks to varies places, maybe just 3 or 4 nights and see how you get on. For me as much as I would love to go abroad again, I know I won’t as the stress to me isn’t worth it but then again I have travelled extensively and don’t mind this country.

MadeInYorkshire Sun 26-Mar-23 18:34:47

My back is completely shot now due to being effectively 8 months pregnant for 15 years, and I have a cage in my neck. I cannot get in and out of any bed, even a hospital bed which I did try, without help and pain, and have been sleeping in a riser recliner now for 13 years. Even the thought of going away now makes me shudder (as does going into hospital, as it is likely that I will strangulate again - one of the doctors on rounds last time told me it was ridiculous that I couldn't get out of bed, and sent the physios round, who said, no I can't! I even ask for a chair pre - op but have never been given one, although I know that they have them as I have sat in one!) The best I can do now is sleep in a wing back chair with a stool, if I dare set foot out of the door, which I have barely done since October 2021 when I moved my mum down south to be with me.

I think flying will be ok if getting assistance (they can get you a chair or buggy through the airport), but what do you want to do when you get there? Meals from the buffet is ok, they can bring to your table, it's the rest of it? I think that you should try and get away for few days in the UK first and see how it goes. There's a nice Warner place near me - Littlecote House and I think they cater for people wit mobility difficulties?

mousemac Sun 26-Mar-23 18:37:18

You know the hotel and they know you.
Maybe the journey there is the real obstacle. I'm simply speaking as a person who has experience of travel-fear disability. It is awful having to rely on the kindness of strangers (sorry, Blanche, but it is) in transit. But the real question is whether the destination is worth the anxiety.

missdeke Sun 26-Mar-23 18:41:23

I have many conditions that require assistance and walking aids but I went to Spain to visit my daughter by myself and managed very well, the flight was smooth and assistance given. The only reason I havn't been since lockdown is that the cost of travel insurance is prohibitive, the last quote for a week away was £800 and that was the cheapest one!

I went away in the UK last year less than 2 weeks after breaking my hip and having a replacement operation.

I would suggest a short break not too far away as your first attempt at a holiday, if that works out ok, go for something more adventurous.

albertina Sun 26-Mar-23 20:10:42

The short break advice is good. Try that first.

I speak as someone with a back injury that makes life difficult, but I do try to get away from my home for occasional breaks.

Whatever you do, do what you feel comfortable with. Look after yourself.