One way friendships advise please

not a friendship really so let it gradually lapse.

There's no such thing as a "one way friendship". For a friendship to exist, both parties need to be engaged. If I found myself in this position, I would simply accept that a friendship isn't going to develop, and simply put that person into the "acquaintances" box with all the many other people we know, but don't count as friends. Not everyone wants to be our friend, so perhaps step back and rethink your expectations. Don't waste your energy, just direct it elsewhere.

For me it ended up being a conversation of home truths, because they were very unhappy that I couldn't commit to their plans that was over 20 months away. I made it very clear what I thought of their behaviour and said for me true friendship was a two way street. They didn't like what I said and there was no further contact.

Let it go don’t trouble yourself worrying about it move on you will feel better for it.

I would stop making a move first and wait for them to contact me. The ones who contacted me after say a month or two would be a friend and the ones who didn't I would let go. Life is to short to go chasing people. Lots of people are busy with friends, family, clubs, and some are naturally selfish or could even be suffering with depression and find it hard to make a move. It takes all sorts but at our age reliable good company is an excellent tonic.

In my mid to later 20s I was friends with a woman who was very flakey on appointments, often cancelled and always showed up late when she did appear. I made all the running in the friendship and did all the organizing. However I did enjoy her company and we were friends for many years. We even went on holiday together. I accepted the friendship for what it was, knowing I was putting in most of the effort.

We only lost touch when I moved from my native city as a mature student and attended uni. It was not that we had an argument - simply that we drifted in different directions and I had other priorities than keeping alive our friendship. As other posters have said she became an "aquaintance" whom I would be happy to meet for coffee if I ever went back to my native city. However that rarely happens.

I have recently lost my oldest and best friend and have decided I don't want to lose any others through lack of effort. I recognise that my friends bring different things to the relationship and celebrate that. One friend is coming to see me today, having not been in touch for a while. I'll pick her up as she can no longer drive. Our relationship isn't as close as it used to be,but I'm glad she's visiting. Another friend is often the one who initiates meeting up. However she works very hard and chooses when she's available. That suits both of us. If you are always contacting a specific friend, perhaps both of you have fallen into a pattern? You could let things drift, as some have suggested, tell them you're fed up always contacting them or continue to keep in touch, but on your terms and expect nothing.

I might be being a little naive here, but in which way is it one-sided?
Is it you wanting more contact, not getting it and feeling disappointed or are you feeling used because a friend is too demanding?
Over the years, I suppose I’ve had both and took the decision to step away from the former and if I bump into her, it’s just a chat. For the latter, I decided not be so readily available and she eventually took the hint and I heard she was pestering her neighbours with her demands.
As others have said, in later life our friendships mean a lot, but some do come with a shelf-life.

Kircubbin2000 thread on a similar theme and replies to it might be worth a read.

I drop the rope

I have had a friend since childhood. I often feel guilty that I'm not contacting her enough. Then I think, she never asks how I am.

Friendships come in a number of types I think. There are those few, rare and incredibly precious ones that span decades and often shared history. Some are more time and place related (eg. you live near each other, share some interests) and others more of the here and now (eg share a class, shop nearby or catch a bus regularly). But my own view is that it is not a real friendship unless there is some reciprocity. We all draw those lines in different ways but if you haven't heard from someone for years, they do not respond to your contacts, whether it be cards, texts or phone calls then that is no longer a friendship and sometimes you just need to let people go and move on with your life. It happens to us all at times.

I've got a friend where it's all a bit one sided. She complains that she never sees anyone but then doesn't initiate contact. I feel for her, because I know she's not happy, so I do make the effort but then I have to do all the arranging.

Ironically, if she made more effort I'd see her more often. As it is, I only see her when I'm feeling ok enough to be supportive of her.

If it is often happening to you then maybe look at how you are as a friend, too demanding or to lacking in effort?

Too lacking not to

I felt the same way. Look up codependency. Many women have it. We often get taken advantage of by people with narcissistic traits. We all have episodes of going quiet (eg mental health etc) but long term this type of relationship in toxic because one is always the giver and gets hurt

I once saw a comment that relationships are rarely 50/50. Personally, if it becomes 70 you/30 them, then I let it drop and wait for them to contact me…

Some people, and I'm one, don't want to form friendships. I don't want to meet up for a meal or arrange a coffee and chat. I'm happier on my own doing my own thing when it suits me. I'm not selfish. I don't think everyone is the same. I put people off gently and kindly, but it's almost as if they won't take no for an answer!

Georgesgran raised the first question following your post… in which way is it one-sided for you? Are you being pursued or the other way? That was not made clear in your original post.

If it’s someone you don’t have any chemistry with or have no interest in but they are persistent, I’d say just politely say you are not available or do not have time to chat over and over again. I think she’ll get the message.

I do know there are people who are starving for friendship. It makes me sad. But you do have to feel a real connection with someone to make it work.

I've let two friendships go recently, there's no point of it being one way.

I sympathesise with you .
I know exactly how you feel .
It happens .
Has something happened which is the last straw ?

After about six plus months :
I'm finally fed up with one of my friends .

I'm tired of texts from her containing a long list of health complaints ( mouth ulcers ) and how busy she is .

Frankly , she isn't as busy as I am .

Not once has she asked me about my considerable health problems - a kidney infection and a fall then gastric flu ,which has left me with severe IBS .

She's let me down over going out .
She's become rude . She sometimes avoids me .
She lies .
She received my Christmas present with bad grace .

And it seems to me that I only hear from her when she wants to sell me something then sends me a text about not hearing from me .

Mobile phones don't lie. I looked at six unanswered texts from me .

I look back on the times that I've gone over to her house with Get Well cards and presents only to find that she's out or not receptive .

Finally, she's noticed that I've cooled off -money owed has been returned and I've been asked directly why I'm not ordering something .

I wish her well for the future and I'm avoiding a row - but I'm giving her the heave ho .

It's very upsetting when you feel that you've invested a lot in a friendship and really cared about someone .

I went through three years of nonsense with another friend for three years .

And it's not happening again .

Please do as I'm doing - walk away and concentrate on friends , who deserve your attention .

Oops spelling - sympathise !

When I was 5 years old, in the 1950s, I started primary school and made friends with a girl. We became best friends and went to the same secondary school. She became pregnant at 16 years of age and married. Before I married I went around to see her every couple of weeks. As time moved on I rang her and visited her. When I married she never phoned or came around. Eventually when my two grew up I rang her and made arrangements to go and visit. Every so often I did this until I began to realise she never phoned me and has never visited. I stopped phoning waiting for a call from her which never came. I sent her a Christmas card and said this would be my last card to her. She sent me a frantic letter for my phone number and said she would phone but never has. Thats the end a 68 year friendship. Sad but thats the way it is.

I would be interested to hear what everyones definition of friendship is.

I have never had a lot of friends, moved house and job over the years, now retired and frankly elderly, at church, meet several people, but are they friends? what should I expect from a friend, indeed what should I give as a friend.?