One way friendships advise please

Blood is thicker than water as they say. I have a few close friends and many friendly acquaintances but family are the ones I trust and rely on the most.

Friends usually come into your life either for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It should be fairly easy to work out who's who. It is just realising it that seems to be a problem sometimes.

Not that much of a friend,Iv stopped seeing a friend as it was all one way

I had a very good friend, who I'd know since starting school.
As a teenager, we each had our own circle of friends. She was the sociable type, I was the shy type and didn't have a lot of friends. My friends bullied me at school so I became quite solitary, which I'm totally fine with now in my 60s. For decades Me and my friend would see each other once or twice a year but it was always as though we met regularly. Last year, I lost my friend and I miss her terribly. Having said that, I wouldn't have changed her for the world.

Sometimes people are lazy and they get in the habit of waiting for you - the more proactive person - to make the call
If things feel good when you're together maybe you can carry on like that.
But if there's any other problem step firmly away and concentrate on something better.

All friendships and relationships operat on a 2 way communication and if you don’t get back what you feel you put it it will gradually wane. True friendships are precious, to the people that reciprocate. I’ve had chronic illness foe 35 years and it has been a struggle at times to maintain some friendships, but I am so glad I managed as I find now, they are all people I know I can count on if I need their help. I’ve just been able to see 2 friends after 16 years!! Despite living near, I just have not been well enough. It was wonderful to meet again, on a strict time scale. Texts have kept my world alive. I wish you well with your decision.

I don't expect to get back exactly what I put in to a friendship as everyone is different or has times of stress and struggle

A good friendship can take more distance or less available time

However if it were on every level and a friend gave me 0 thought or effort consistently, I don't think we would be friends

Sometimes friends however a short or longtime you e known them are the people that you KNOW you can depend on, call on and will be there when you call. You may get along famously with someone that you really enjoy the company of……but would you call them or they you ?

Friends are the people who are not family but are the ones you want to share good news with, and sometimes sad news. They make you feel better for having spoken to them.
It does not matter how often you meet up. If you have a true friendship it will last.

I have gradually lost contact with quite a few friends since moving. I found it was me doing all the contacting. Now it's birthday and Christmas cards only,it still bothers me.
I have found more friendship and friendly advice on Gransnet than I have ever had with Mussolini my neighbour I now just keep clear. The big joke is she does not like us touching her wall which has a seat in it and the seat is on our side. It is thick with Ivy which she hints for DH to clear I just smile and go with the flow. If YOU have to work at it or put all the effort in is it a friendship worth preserving?

I only have a very few close friends, they are open, hotness two way friendships. Several years ago I cut a “friend” out of my life after decades of “one way friendships” Let the friendship go as not a true friend

Honest not hotness der !

I met one of my friends when our children were at nursery together and often feel that I put in most of the effort with our relationship. She rarely responds straight away to texts, it can be days, and rarely answers her phone but will eventually call me back or text. She often cancels arrangements too. However I am mindful that she suffers with anxiety which at times over the years has been so bad that she just can’t bring herself to leave the house and I think it’s easier for her to say she doesn’t feel well eg migraine rather than admit she just can’t face going to a crowded cafe or restaurant. When we do meet up we always chat for hours and put the world to rights. I enjoy her company and I know from cards and letters that she has sent me over the years that she appreciates my friendship and admits that sometimes she is, in her words, “ a rubbish friend “. It’s not always obvious why friendships seem to be one sided, but it is kind to give the benefit of the doubt and if you are getting something out of the friendship then it is worth it.

Dottygran
Similar situation, we met at college, became close friends, shared flats, I was her bridesmaid, we are godmothers to each others children.
The years go by. We live about thirty miles apart, I regularly visit with my children, and I regularly arrange weekends together as families.
About ten years ago she seemed to withdraw a bit, I persisted, then a situation arose where they went into rented accommodation while their house was being finished, and she said she would let me know when they got into their new home.
Never heard another word. I now feel, looking back, that if I hadn’t kept persisting the friendship wouldn’t have survived past college.
I could find her, it wouldn’t be difficult, but I’m done.

Sara1954

Dottygran
Similar situation, we met at college, became close friends, shared flats, I was her bridesmaid, we are godmothers to each others children.
The years go by. We live about thirty miles apart, I regularly visit with my children, and I regularly arrange weekends together as families.
About ten years ago she seemed to withdraw a bit, I persisted, then a situation arose where they went into rented accommodation while their house was being finished, and she said she would let me know when they got into their new home.
Never heard another word. I now feel, looking back, that if I hadn’t kept persisting the friendship wouldn’t have survived past college.
I could find her, it wouldn’t be difficult, but I’m done.

Similar to me. I had a friend from abroad at uni and I was always inviting her home etc and she became my child's godmother. She then married up and her husband was in a high position and she started to move around in the higher echalons and became quite snobbish. After 35 years I felt she looked down on me as she became very twee and had all sorts of soirees at home etc. I could not be bothered anymore with all her inconsequential small talk. She had changed. Great not having to worry whether she approves of me or not anymore.

March1, you say some people don't want to form friendships and are happier alone. I'm just like that, but, in addition (or maybe because) I really don't know how to be friends.

In a set situation, like work, study, community projects etc. I love the company and being friends seems easy. I'm happy to meet for a chat as well, often talking to other dog walkers or neighbours.

However, here at home, I'm reluctant to invite people - as it's my little sanctuary. I'm a terrible host, don't know what to do, say, cook or provide - just lost really.

Family and my one long-term friend just visit and I feel comfortable with them. I can be my real, awkward, unreliable self and that's enough.

Therefore, I tend to reject invitations to other's homes - as I don't want to return the favour. I'll suggest going out instead.

I don't tend to contact people, either, not wanting to impose or bother them. I wish there was a place I could go, just drop in when it suits me, when I'm feeling sociable.

My friend often pops into her local pub for lunch, on her own. I wish I had the confidence to do that.

I have realised I no longer have any friends as such, but I have long term friends living at a distance, though we rarely meet up. When we do, there is no gap, we pick up easily from where we left off. I have acquaintances, mainly from local choirs, but we scarcely socialise, and recently I haven’t felt I had anyone apart from family, who are all busy working, that I can call upon in times of need. It is hard to get beyond the acquaintance stage, especially when other commitments mean it tends to be spur of the moment that works best.

Yesterday , I was just returning from my big shop having had literally no sleep the night before as my father is unwell again .

I longed for some tea , pain killers and the sofa .
My heart sank - there was my totally engrossed friend crossing the road to talk at me .

Predictably , she launched into the usual non stop conversation about herself - almost word for word from her occasional texts .

I must have said three times I really can't stop -my father will need my attention and it fell on deaf ears .

A final promise of a catch up ( now into the into a year ) and she finally left .
I don't want to meet up .
It's not enjoyable .
Soon the birthday hints will begin .

I blame myself for allowing this hopeless relationship drag on for three years ....