One way friendships advise please

I once saw a comment that relationships are rarely 50/50. Personally, if it becomes 70 you/30 them, then I let it drop and wait for them to contact me…

I felt the same way. Look up codependency. Many women have it. We often get taken advantage of by people with narcissistic traits. We all have episodes of going quiet (eg mental health etc) but long term this type of relationship in toxic because one is always the giver and gets hurt

Too lacking not to

If it is often happening to you then maybe look at how you are as a friend, too demanding or to lacking in effort?

I've got a friend where it's all a bit one sided. She complains that she never sees anyone but then doesn't initiate contact. I feel for her, because I know she's not happy, so I do make the effort but then I have to do all the arranging.

Ironically, if she made more effort I'd see her more often. As it is, I only see her when I'm feeling ok enough to be supportive of her.

Friendships come in a number of types I think. There are those few, rare and incredibly precious ones that span decades and often shared history. Some are more time and place related (eg. you live near each other, share some interests) and others more of the here and now (eg share a class, shop nearby or catch a bus regularly). But my own view is that it is not a real friendship unless there is some reciprocity. We all draw those lines in different ways but if you haven't heard from someone for years, they do not respond to your contacts, whether it be cards, texts or phone calls then that is no longer a friendship and sometimes you just need to let people go and move on with your life. It happens to us all at times.

I have had a friend since childhood. I often feel guilty that I'm not contacting her enough. Then I think, she never asks how I am.

I drop the rope

Kircubbin2000 thread on a similar theme and replies to it might be worth a read.

I might be being a little naive here, but in which way is it one-sided?
Is it you wanting more contact, not getting it and feeling disappointed or are you feeling used because a friend is too demanding?
Over the years, I suppose I’ve had both and took the decision to step away from the former and if I bump into her, it’s just a chat. For the latter, I decided not be so readily available and she eventually took the hint and I heard she was pestering her neighbours with her demands.
As others have said, in later life our friendships mean a lot, but some do come with a shelf-life.

I have recently lost my oldest and best friend and have decided I don't want to lose any others through lack of effort. I recognise that my friends bring different things to the relationship and celebrate that. One friend is coming to see me today, having not been in touch for a while. I'll pick her up as she can no longer drive. Our relationship isn't as close as it used to be,but I'm glad she's visiting. Another friend is often the one who initiates meeting up. However she works very hard and chooses when she's available. That suits both of us. If you are always contacting a specific friend, perhaps both of you have fallen into a pattern? You could let things drift, as some have suggested, tell them you're fed up always contacting them or continue to keep in touch, but on your terms and expect nothing.

In my mid to later 20s I was friends with a woman who was very flakey on appointments, often cancelled and always showed up late when she did appear. I made all the running in the friendship and did all the organizing. However I did enjoy her company and we were friends for many years. We even went on holiday together. I accepted the friendship for what it was, knowing I was putting in most of the effort.

We only lost touch when I moved from my native city as a mature student and attended uni. It was not that we had an argument - simply that we drifted in different directions and I had other priorities than keeping alive our friendship. As other posters have said she became an "aquaintance" whom I would be happy to meet for coffee if I ever went back to my native city. However that rarely happens.

I would stop making a move first and wait for them to contact me. The ones who contacted me after say a month or two would be a friend and the ones who didn't I would let go. Life is to short to go chasing people. Lots of people are busy with friends, family, clubs, and some are naturally selfish or could even be suffering with depression and find it hard to make a move. It takes all sorts but at our age reliable good company is an excellent tonic.

Let it go don’t trouble yourself worrying about it move on you will feel better for it.

For me it ended up being a conversation of home truths, because they were very unhappy that I couldn't commit to their plans that was over 20 months away. I made it very clear what I thought of their behaviour and said for me true friendship was a two way street. They didn't like what I said and there was no further contact.

There's no such thing as a "one way friendship". For a friendship to exist, both parties need to be engaged. If I found myself in this position, I would simply accept that a friendship isn't going to develop, and simply put that person into the "acquaintances" box with all the many other people we know, but don't count as friends. Not everyone wants to be our friend, so perhaps step back and rethink your expectations. Don't waste your energy, just direct it elsewhere.

not a friendship really so let it gradually lapse.