Help how can I escape at my age.. husband always drunk to excess now on 3 botttles wine a day and occasionally binges with spirits

Here is a list of places you can get support for his alcoholism

alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/fact-sheets/a-guide-to-family-support-services

Here is a place you can get help to leave an abusive relationship

Please take care of yourself

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Sorry second link didn't show

Please contact one of the helplines. You need real life support for this

Have you told anyone at all?

Hope you have got friends that can support you through this, it sounds horrendous, please look after yourself. My heart goes out to you, Have you got any family?

I agree OP you need real life support with this, either family, friends one of the above helplines or even Citizens Advice as a starting point.
It’s not your fault so don’t be embarrassed to ask for help to get out.
Plus I would phone the police next time he goes out drunk, imagine how you would feel if he did kill someone and you had done nothing.
You can do it, be strong. 💐

Given his age it’s obvious that alcohol related health issues will eventually kill him. Not nice for you having to deal with it all so is your GP, district nurse et al aware of the amount he drinks?

A friend of mine’s husband ended up in a care home due to alcohol related dementia. He had been lying to all and sundry about the extent of his drinking and she had a difficult time getting the help she needed.

Don’t cover for him in any way. Inform the police the next time he drink drives and make sure your GP is aware.

O.P what a horrible time you are having with your husband and you need real help. Do you have close family that can support you? Your husband is drinking a lot and his health will suffer , he could fall and injure himself possibly ending up in hospital.

You should not have to deal with this maybe see your doctor and tell him what is happening he may have some ideas to get you help. Also perhaps telephone the Age U.K. helpline they will know who you can contact.
Get help as soon as possible this is not a good situation and driving about in his car to buy drink is putting lives in danger.
Take care.

1. Talk to a lawyer to know your rights
2. Attend meetings of an organization who supports family of alcoholics
3. Start getting important documents
4. Untangle yourself financially: Open your own bank account, get your own cell account if you have a family account together, etc.
5. Discreetly start building a secret money stash

Firstly, you must tell everything to your GP asap. So the medical background is right there in the notes for any contingency medical or otherwise. You could write it down for the GP.

(good advice for contact help phone lines)

Secondly, his driving is almost certainly illegal and def dangerous.

I did phone the police over an abusive husband last year and they were kind. Your own age, his age, the danger he poses - yes, I would phone 111 or in emergency of he is out and about and drunk 999.

oh phone the police when he leaves in the car to buy more drink. then the problem will be out of your hands. an anonymous call of course.

Contact Al-Anon for support for yourself. And for your own peace of mind tell your GP what is happening and phone the Police when he heads off drunk in his car... You really don't want to have to deal with the after effects of an accident..

That may not work if the police can't find him in time. And it doesn't safeguard you as time goes on.
If you ring the police yourself - and tell about ANY absusivenss gains you too I thinks quite likely events will be triggered and likely to involve another agency given your ages.

Hithere is right about "how to make an escape" - but this problem seems very urgent.

But I'd make sure I had access to money he can't block before you act

(I was referring to lemsips post).

If you can afford to leave then set the wheels in motion.

If not then seek professional help.

Thats true Sago if money is that separated, and enough of it.

In the meantime I was thinking had the O/P enough access to money for food and everyday stuff if she sets the wheels in motion - that he cant block her drawing on.

That's a horrible situation to be in muddynails I have every sympathy for you.
Lots of good advice here, contact Al-anon., sort out your finances, enlist the support of family and friends. Above all take care of yourself and do contact the police if your husband is driving whilst drunk. He may injure other innocent people. I hope you can find the peace you want.

muddynails if you are able to voice record on your mobile - its a cheap and easy app to download called

"Voice Recorder" - it looks like you are recording on an old-fashioned tape system

Please do record when he is abusive verbally. This can be used to show anyone who needs to that he is abusive.

You must certainly should not have to cope with this. Next time he goes out drunk to buy alcohol phone the police. Don't feel guilty about this , you would feel even worse if he killed someone. This is a disaster waiting to happen! Be proactive, get support for yourself and be brave !! Easier said than done I know, but it could be said you have a duty to the public to call the police. Good luck and please keep posting.

May I ask - how on earth does he afford this amount of alcohol? It must be phenomenally expensive.

I do feel for you, what an awful situation to be in at this stage of your life. You will need support to leave if that is what you want to do.

Please phone the police to tell them what is happening re driving and the times he leaves the house. If he kills or injures somebody you will feel very bad that you knew what he was doing.

Your husband IS a danger to anyone else, when he's driving - my brother was killed by a drunk driver, many years ago, so I feel very strongly about that. Please, take the car keys away. If he still manages to get out and drive, you MUST ring the police. You're enabling your husband. If you've got family, get their support.

I used to be a carer for a couple very similar to you and your husband. He had Korsakoff's disease, which was caused by alcoholism. When his car was sold, he borrowed the grandson's small bike to get to the off-licence, such was his need for alcohol. Very sad.

Your local police station will (or should) have a department that deals with domestic abuse. You should make them aware of the extent of his abuse when under the influence of alcohol which, it seems, is his permanent state. I see no reason why you should not contact the police (999 and tell the his car's registration number) to report the likelihood of his driving under the influence. He doesn't need to know who has reported him.
Do you have adult children/grandchildren and if you have, do they know what has been going on so long?

It’s good that you posted and good to see so much excellent practical advice here. annodomini is correct, your police team will have a team dedicated to domestic abuse, they’re a good starting point. The officers working on these dedicated teams are generally very good, knowledgable and understanding.

I’d ask their advice, and about whether 999 is the right number to call if he gets in his car, he will never be under the limit given how much he’s drinking. I think 999 is right and that if you speak at a quiet moment with the domestic abuse team, they’ll flag your name and number so you get a speedy response.
Meanwhile do yiu have family or friends who you can reach out to.
Adult social care should assess and offer you help

As said by Lemsip I think, definitely get a secret stash.
Do you have children, and if so are they aware.
Any family, anyone who can support you.
Do not keep this a secret.

Just a thought, he can't drive if he doesn't have keys. It may cause a lot of difficulty if you took the keys off him. Could he 'lose his keys'.... Could you access his keys and hide them forever? Or perhaps it is a family car and he would know that you also have a set of keys.
To be honest, given your awful situation, you need some action very soon. Either via your GP, family, or even Women's Aid. Your own mental health must be suffering and your GP may be able to help. Do you share the same doctor, or the same medical practice. Could you speak with his doctor.
A previous poster mentioned ringing the police anonymously to report when his is actually out driving in his car. The quickest action from police would probably be to ring the local police station. I'd be tempted to ring 999 and tell them, and say he does it regularly. However, It used to be that from a landline the police could immediately access he caller's name and address. It would be different using a mobile. I'm thinking the police would keep your name out of it.

I feel so sad for you.